After I was being rushed to the hospital, my perspective seemed to split between my body and a third-person, bird's eye view. As time went on, my own consciousness began to drift further and further from my body. I saw the ambulance driving down the highway, and I felt as though my consciousness was leaving Earth.
What happened next, I can barely describe. I was in the hospital at this point, and they were giving me a saline IV to dilute the lithium levels in my blood. I witnessed two outcomes from outside my body. One was I, dying in the hospital bed, and being examined in the morgue. My mother came in the room to identify my body and began weeping profusely. They put a yellow tag on my foot, and then pushed the table back and closed the door. Then, I saw another perspective. Some unearthly Being, I can only describe as angelic, showed me all of my life's actions so fast that my physical mind could barely process it. It showed me my cycles of mistakes and the things I'd done that were good and bad. It showed me how to break the cycles.
Then I was shown a landscape that was in the farthest reaches of outer space, maybe somewhere outside the universe. It appeared as a cosmic game board between two opposing entities, Order and Chaos, Good and Evil, Male and Female, nature and industry. After witnessing this, I was essentially told that this conflict didn't matter and that ultimately one thing would overcome this timeless dance. Then I was taken to what I believe to be the edge of existence. Time did not exist here. There was just infinite light, unconditional endless love, nirvana, and ultimate eternal bliss. There was also light and color that I'd never seen before. Before I could enter it though, a Being stopped me. It was made of light with thousands of geometries and covered in eyes. When it spoke, it sounded like millions of sincere, loving laughs. It extended what I thought was an arm and I woke up in the hospital bed.
I slowly began to regain normal consciousness but could barely speak. I pulled one of the doctors aside and tried to get them to tell me the word I needed to say, the reason for my return to life, and the true name of God. That word was 'Love.' As soon as I said that, I returned to nearly a completely normal state of consciousness. I was taken upstairs, given food and a sedative to help me sleep. I woke up the next day feeling renewed and reborn, like a phoenix from ashes. I have been the most serene I have been in my entire life ever since this experience. Despite the darker parts of my near death experience, it was all worth it. Now, my intuition is incredibly good. Sometimes it seems as if I can see the future. My 'gut feelings' are always right, even if I ignore them about little things. I feel so much love, forgiveness, and compassion even for those who seek to do harm to me. I am thankful for this sacred experience and it has forever altered the course of my life.
Date NDE Occurred: January 2016
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Drug or medication overdose. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
Accidental drug overdose/interaction. This episode was characterized as life-threatening serotonin syndrome. I was rushed to a hospital Emergency room. I blacked out in an epileptic fit.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my friend, who I had been rushed away from in an ambulance, crying on her floor in a room, which was trashed. I later found out that when my seizure started I began to unconsciously trash her room. I asked her about it later. She said after I left she sat on the floor, still reeling from her experience, and started to cry, just before inviting a friend over for company/consolation and to help her clean up.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I can't explain it.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I cannot answer this question, due to the fact that my consciousness lost all understanding of time.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Once I left my body, time appeared to either stop existing/relevance entirely or speed up beyond recognition when witnessing all of my past actions.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Earthly to heavenly, there is no comparison to be made beyond that. It was unlike anything I have ever seen in my wildest dreams.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The sounds were almost alien. The Being that stopped me from entering the Light or Source spoke in what sounded like millions of loving laughs that were completely calming to me. Whenever it spoke, I felt utter bliss. When I witnessed the visualization of the yin-yang conflict that was almost like a chess game, the sounds I heard from there resonated deep in my soul. The sounds from the 'good' side of light, nature, love (which I also got a strong female presence from) was strikingly similar to the Being I would meet later. It was pure and loving when it spoke. The other entity, which I got a strong masculine sense from, spoke harshly. It filled me with fear and sadness in a way I've never felt before. I did not get the sense they were enemies; but rather, lovers in an eternal dance of order/chaos, joined together by the loving light of the source.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain When I was flying away from my body and earth, it felt like there may have been a tunnel around me, but I was unsure.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The source, on a boundary between space, it was infinite filled with pure light, color I cannot describe, all that is, was within it and it was good...Pure, eternal, unconditional love.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Space, a boundary between the edge of existence and nirvana itself.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt like I was holding onto something, refusing to leave my body, a heavy resistance. When I finally stopped resisting and began to accept, I felt fear of death, sadness of leaving behind my friend, my family, and my loved ones. Then I felt a sense of familiarity, like all that I was seeing I knew very well somehow, though I had never seen it before. Shortly thereafter, I felt utter bliss, pure love and happiness. It was the love that radiated from the light and the being standing on the boundary between the light and the edge of space, which I felt both push me away and pull me back to my living body. When I came back, it was as if I was holding my breath until I finally said the word 'love'. Then I knew I was back in my body, normal consciousness returned and I was at peace. At that moment, I knew I had returned from the edges of death and was finally with an intense gratitude.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I can't describe it in words.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I saw everything I have ever done since my spiritual birth. Though, it happened so quickly, I cannot recall it.
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I don't remember. I only feel it in my intuition when I know what is going to happen next.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The edge of existence, which I was not allowed passing.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths Raised Catholic, I converted to Wicca. I practice my faith regularly and draw influence from many other faiths in my practice.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am still of the same spiritual practice, though after this experience I became more interested in Hindu and Buddhist literature, such as the Bhagavad Gita. This experience definitely solidified my spiritual beliefs for life.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I am a devout Wiccan. My spiritual texts include the Bhagavad Gita (Vedic), the writings of Scott Cunningham (Wicca), the Tao Te Ching (Taoist), the Sermon on the Mount (Christian), among other Buddhist, Hindu and Wiccan texts. I am a firm believer in duality (yin/yang, male/female, night/day, pain/pleasure, fear/love, etc.) I believe in a single deity whom I refer to as GrÃ¡ (gaelic for Love), however, a yin-yang duality exists in divinity, God is purely unconditional light and love. I also believe in Samsara/the cycle of birth,death and rebirth. In terms of any icons I hold sacred, I wear a pentacle/pentagram daily (symbolic of the five elements that comprise all existence in some form: fire, earth, water, air and spirit) and hold the Hindu/Buddhist Om sign, as well as the Taoist Yin-Yang all on the same level of importance.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was previously confused/uncertain about whether I believed in two gods, one God, three persons in one God, or no God. This experience clarified all that and what God really is to me.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Certainty of understanding what God is and my own understanding of the afterlife. My spiritual views have become solidified, while I was previously uncertain what I completely believed.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin See previous; two opposite beings playing a game or in some kind of conflict, then the being of light, geometries and eyes which spoke in millions of sincere loving laughs, each time filling me with happiness.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes The whole understanding of why things happen the way they do, all that is is meant to be, it's hard to explain.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Oneness exists through God, God is Love and Love is all knowing, all conquering, omnipresent and omnipotent. It unifies all things from within more than without.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Gr (what I now call God) does exist. It is genderless, but gendered, non-human, but human. It is within all living things throughout all the worlds in all the universes. It is pure light, goodness, eternal, love, and contains the collective wisdom and experiences of all beings. It takes physical form in all things, with love at their core.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Just concerning my own life and my own purpose, where I fit in to everything, and it is what drives me today to keep working hard, retain empathy, serenity and passion.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Everyone's purpose is different. However, I have learned that we are intended to grow together. Simply put, our universal purposes are to live, laugh, love and inspire. Everyone has different ways of doing those things, and that is each of our purposes. We are meant to grow, help each other grow, by loving, inspiring and uplifting each other.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The cycle of birth, death and rebirth until we grow to our full spiritual maturity is a fact of life to me now. Once we do, we may reach Gr├â┬í/Nirvana/Eternal Love/God/the Source; however, I have a strong sense that we may be sent back even once we have reached enlightenment to help all others reach it, too. Until all beings find that love within themselves, we will continue to return.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes The 'chess game', explains that at the base of all conflict, love will prevail. Yin-yang will perform their orderly chaotic dance until we all overcome, realize all that is meant to be, and all difficulties are meant to help us grow stronger in spirit.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes See previous details.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I pray twice a day, in the morning for serenity, courage, and wisdom and at night to look after myself, my loved ones and give thanks. I quit smoking, started eating organic foods, limited (to almost completely stopping) my consumption of alcohol, read on spiritual matters and spiritual/scientific matters frequently, read daily in general, work harder, work more on my creative projects, have stopped taking depression/bipolar meds, no longer have any anxiety, feelings that things will work out even when I get stressed sometimes. I am recognizing that every moment I have on this earth is precious and I am constantly being thankful for what I have rather than taking it for granted.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am more grateful, loving, empathetic and conscious towards others. I reach out to talk to people more than I ever did before.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The light, the feelings the visions and the beings I met were unlike anything I could recreate. I am an artist with 8 years of formal academic training and still have not been able to come close to reproducing the things I witnessed on a canvas or paper.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. The events surrounding it that were 'less important' or 'less relevant' seem foggier or distant, however, I remember this experience so vividly, that whenever I think about it, it's like it just happened last week.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My intuition and 'gut feelings' are always right even when I ignore them. I'm really skilled at sensing the good and bad in people, sensing negative intentions and I have noticed spirits following me around on occasion, keeping just barely out of sight.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire experience, as a whole, is meaningful, the Gestalt of it. If I were to summarize it in a single phrase, 'love is all you need'.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes My friend who I was with that day I told her about it weeks later. She was astounded and didn't doubt one single word I said. She was upset that it happened to me but I reassured her that it was all meant to be and it has made me a better person.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read DMT: The Spirit Molecule by Dr. Rick Strassman, and some of my mom's books on NDEs.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I believed I had a near death experience, especially based on the diagnosis. However, it was a lot to process and took me days, maybe weeks before I began to understand it all. Unlike many memories, this one becomes clearer and makes more sense the further away from it, in time, I get from it. Whereas, shortly after it had happened I didn't understand/couldn't yet grasp what had happened to me.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I believe I had come back from the brink of death and returned with a wisdom given to me by God itself.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes In a word: synchronicity. Little things that line up that remind me of what I am and where I come from and that each moment is sacred, that we are eternal.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not at this time.