I knew what I was doing because I had been up all night. When I dropped off my daughter, she said to me, ‘Mommy, promise me that you’re not going to do something stupid.’ I replied, ‘I promise.’ Then I gave her a kiss and took my 3 year old son to his Childcare center and said goodbye to him. I didn't want to live anymore and I took pills to take my life. When the firefighters broke down my gates and door, I was looking down at myself seeing everyone trying to bring me back to life. I did feel peace as I can remember; I knew there was someone behind me. I heard the firefighters and the police speaking to a neighbor that made the call. My husband was out of town and had called him because he felt there was something wrong. They were asking the neighbor questions. He told them that he could see me through the bedroom window and that I wasn't moving, so that is why he called 911. He answered, ’Yes, she has 3 children. One is in Chicago, one is in grammar school, and the other is in a child care center.' Anyhow I saw from up above, the police was taking notes on where my children went to school. When the lady officer said to the other one, 'We have to call Children and Family services to pick up the kids and have them go to foster home center.' I remember turning back and begging for my life. I had realized I had made a mistake. The next thing I remembered was being in a hospital bed with tubes. I thank The Lord every day for giving me another chance. I wasn't thinking right and I knew I had to come back. I do believe in an afterlife experience. This is the first time I share this, because I am afraid that people will look at me differently if you share this with them. I don't want them to say they don't believe me.
Date NDE Occurred: 04/2000
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suicide attempt. Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes But the facts have not been checked out.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I know I felt peace until they said they were going to call Child and Family Services to pick up my children and I knew at that moment they had no one but me and if I didn't come back they would go to places where they didn't know and they might not be safe.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I don't remember the time, I know it was daylight but I don't remember the time and unfortunately, the man that saved me who called 911, died with his son about a month later in a boating accident
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I could hear and understand everything that was going on with the paramedics, the police taking with my friend, I was aware of everything, even though a lot was going on, I knew what everyone was saying and doing.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything was happening so fast. I was begging for my life back to take care of my kids and then I was in a hospital bed. I couldn't believe it.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything was a bit louder than normal but peaceful like the Lord wanted me to be sure I heard what was happening and that I wanted to go with him.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I am not sure, because I remember a bright light and I couldn't see this person but I knew he was there. I felt his presence and I felt peace. I felt like I was traveling but yet when the police broke the door and all the commotion was going on I was right on top of them all: like floating in the air.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I can't describe what I don't remember; all I do remember is a lot of peace. I knew I was safe. I knew there was someone that was taking me somewhere better, but I changed my mind and wanted to come back and I thank Him every day for giving me one more chance.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was feeling peace until I heard that about my children. I was scared. I was desperate. I wanted so much to go back. I remember saying ‘I am sorry I want to go back my kids need me’
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I value my life more even since that happened.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I felt it I knew it I didn't see it but I knew if I followed him I wouldn't come back
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Yes I felt him next to me, I didn't get to see what he looked like because i never looked back at the light I just knew he was there and he was the one that gave me that chance to come back
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I knew and saw everything; it was as if he wanted me to see what I was leaving behind.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I knew there was something else out there and it was more peaceful than I can explain but I still needed to come back even though I wanted to go ....towards that peace it was unexplained.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes the love that I had for my children was more important to me than anything
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I live to make sure I have done the best I can for my children, and so that he, the one who gave me that chance to come back and make a difference in the lives of my children, will say ‘I made the right decision in letting her go back’. I know he will call on me but this time it will be when he wants me to go. Large changes in my life. I live to make sure I have done the best I can for my children, and so that he, the one who gave me that chance to come back and make a difference in the lives of my children, will say ‘I made the right decision in letting her go back’. I know he will call on me but this time it will be when he wants me to go.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Somewhat when I woke up at the hospital I couldn't understand what was happening and then I was taken to another hospital (a mental hospital) and I remember when the doors opened the first person I saw was my daughter and she said, 'Mommy you lied to me, you don't love me enough to stay with me.' That broke my heart and I knew I had to Thank God for giving me another chance to take care of my children.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? None
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No I am not sure they will believe me.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I know it was real. I know I didn't dream it, I saw it happening while I was floating in the air.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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