This was an extreme abuse scene with the perpetrator in control. He did not notice that I had stopped breathing and was beginning to convulse. I was unable to breath and my heart was slowing down. Although I was not moving, I was still very aware of what was happening around me.
Next to me on my right side was a presence. They were similar to the 'light beings' I had seen when I was three years old. But this time, the presence turned into a likeness of Jesus. He stood next to me and looked in my eyes. Then he touched/rubbed my right cheek. I immediately was able to breath and was free of pain and fear. I was still with the perpetrator, on a table, but knew that nothing he could do could destroy this one-ness. This connection with something so much larger than his abuse, hate, and lies. The Jesus presence then asked me to 'see.' I saw myself in a shamanic journey that I had done what I was around 40 years old. I was standing in the midst of complete and total light. The white light doesn't really come from anywhere and is bright but not at all bright. It was all encompassing, fully surrounded me, and was completely loving. This light and love stayed with me briefly after the Jesus presence left.
I looked at the perpetrator and he realized something had happened; that he no longer had 'control' and that I was not afraid. He was infuriated and became more violent, but it was bearable. That part of me can still share that loving energy somehow. I had that knowing it is or can be ok 'at the end' and beyond.
Date NDE Occurred: 1979
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)
I was unable to breathe for an amount of time, other body functions reacting
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was as if everything was made of light and a soft humming sound. I knew all was made of movement in this light/sound energy and all was loved and loving.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was at my highest level of consciousness with the touch to the cheek and just after the vision ended.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
When it stopped and I saw the perpetrator again, the normal sense of 'time' returned. Things happened in sequence instead of conveying a sense of 'here all the time.'
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything has a light source from within that is loving and wanting to love. It is always giving.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing was quiet. I was incredibly aware of anything moving, but it was a 'quiet,' gentle hum.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Only the Christ presence that looked like Jesus.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes But it actually IS earthly, here with us. That is the point.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Mystical, I guess, but of earth which is of the unearthly.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt freedom, peace, love, gratitude, truth, and confidence.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe This was somewhat unconscious, not in words. I just knew I knew. WHAT I came to know has come back slowly and with healing work.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events When standing in the light vision, I knew that I knew these things, but it was as if it was unconscious and not in words. It all was simply there with me.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths my family had both catholic and atheist and occult. I was 'raised' practicing catholic (maternal) but with the other influences, and another NDE at age 3, my PERSONAL sense was beyond any one 'religion' or faith
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths my 'practice' includes liberal christian, but THAT necessarily includes all other and beyond, including shamanism
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience words, and consciousness is not the same as what we can know with the rest of our sense and body... so it was a jesus figure, but i was not 'simply christian' and there was the light of the light beings, but that is without conscious words, just a presence, a state of being ... i could not put that into language then, and have had to work at making it come out right in words
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Becoming aware through the rest of high school and college that I had some sort of 'confidence' in my 'knowing' that other people did not. I did not 'struggle' in the same ways and was confident in following my 'gut.'
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I still would not call it unearthly; the point was that it is all here with us now. There was a presence of light, which then assumed a body as if Jesus and then a larger light that was only light.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes described well above a sense of the ultimate light first, warmth and giving assurance, which then took on the appearance of jesus... I think of it as a CHRIST event, which is a bit different than the human jesus figure... it was about the fullness of the light...which emenates in and through all things from an inner place, not outer...
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes way described above
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes all said above I knew this was the MORE I had encountered before
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain uncertain about any particular life purpose that has only come with much healing work where i first fully had to accept the truth of the trauma. I have understanding now.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes life continues and is infused with light and a giving love always and at once life and death are only two experiences of the same thing I did know this at the moment, in the experience... exact words for it came later, but the knowing was clear... and similar to when i was three
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain if you asked me questions i might think of more. I haven't shared quite this much before except with one person (two years ago).
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes there is always more and ways to stay in touch with this so that fear does not consume
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes all of life is made up of a giving life force which feels loving, constantly there for the purpose of life, constantly giving
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My ability to read people has always been intense this strengthened it. My FEAR of people and life things lessened. Still, I had some years before safety allowed this healing.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I did not speak of it for many years and have had to tell the story a few times before it seems 'right' to me, though still I cannot be sure I am really getting it across. For one thing, too, I did not want to be limited to a 'Jesus' thing, so it is important to put it in the context of the 3-year-old experience, which were only 'light beings' and the shamanic journey. It is important that it was a 'Christ' thing, but not limited to what most think of as Jesus or Christian.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. some moments stand out 'as if' they happened yesterday.. or earlier today ... because they CARRY the sense of all things being one at once...
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Actually, I think I've always had them, before and after the experience.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it has become more meaningful in the last few years. It helps me realizing there is something here to offer others specifically and in words, rather than just 'knowing' stuff.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes One time, two years ago, and there was full acceptance. It strengthened our healing work together.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain Well I knew what happened when I was three but did not know what it was called and never talked about it.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real On a gut-level, I knew all of it was true and no matter what else was going on, I would be ok.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Same, it happened, and it probably happens far more than people talk about. There are varying ways to talk about it all, all sorts of different words, and we each have to come up with our OWN words for our own experience and share from there.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes At three, as described above, a few shamanic journeys, some waking dreams, sometimes just meditation or sudden awareness. At times, I have been with people dying, hospice or other volunteer work.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I'd be interested in more questions to continue to help me find all the best words. It is important to use my own experience in my personal purpose and direction. This is a huge part of it.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Perhaps more about an eventual sense of purpose connected, would help to flesh out even more to what the initial experience pertained??? I'm not sure.