Experience Description

It is a long story but seeing so many other stories similar to mine, I suppose I am going to have to write it all down someday. Meanwhile in brief, it has taken from the age of 17 to 50 to get it all in perspective with a little help from books of all religions, articles, and the internet, this last one is the best in realizing I am not alone!

The first time I experienced another reality was at age 17, I was giving birth (I know, a little young) but I had eclampsia. I stopped breathing. Anyway, one time I woke up with a terrific thirst, the nurse brought me water; it was like drinking life itself. I said to the nurse, I'm not afraid to die. She asked me why and I told her I had been somewhere else. I tried to explain but words failed me. But in my head, I remembered being in a gray room with people in it. The room seemed like a waiting room. People were coming up to me. Some I recognized as possible family, but I didn't know them. Yet, they knew me.

I remember the wonderful feeling of love and warmth, truth and caring. There was an unconditional feeling of wholeness and I wanted to stay with these people. No words were spoken because there was a kind of telepathic understanding. The most important thing they told me was that I had to go back. I pleaded with them and argued. I just couldn't face the thought of leaving this feeling of complete love and warmth but they insisted, “You have to go back, you have work to do.” Then I found myself back in my body again with all the pain and discomfort associated with labor. That was in 1969.

I had many spiritual experiences after that. Being young with a husband and young friends at that time, we went to parties. One party at my home where someone had brought cakes, but not ordinary cakes. Well whatever was in mine, I was laughing one minute, then the next I was being spoken to by a man with a cloak and hood. He had a grey beard. I remember he seemed very kind but he was asking me questions. I then saw a picture in front of me. It was a pattern. I looked deep into this pattern, which was a tapestry. I could see the warp and the weft. This pattern was me. It felt ME. The man in the beard urged me to look closer. As I zoomed in to each stitch of color, I saw myself in a scene from my life.

I was watching me in a past situation and each scenario showed me how my actions had affected other people. I began to see so many where I had been selfish, greedy, unkind, calculating, and thoughtless that I began to feel thoroughly ashamed it was an overwhelming sense of sadness for my behavior toward others. Then the kind man pulled me out of my misery and said, "Hey it's not all bad," and we visited other parts of the pattern and other incidents replayed like in a video. I watched scenes when I felt it was ok. I had been kind, helpful, loving, and funny, with all the nice things that made me feel it wasn't so bad. Then he showed me the other side of the tapestry. There were many loose strands and it looked a bit untidy. I mentioned this and he said, "That's because it's not finished yet."

When I woke up, I thought I had been away for days but it could only have been a matter of minutes. This was when I was 18. Now I know the meaning of the tapestry of life. I had other experiences and from the beginning, I found myself talking to Jesus or someone. I just knew they were there. However, during this process, I told myself I had just dreamed it all, had a vivid colorful imagination, and was nutty. I sometimes was unsure if this was real or not. I only tended to talk aloud to Jesus when things got too bad. I found that praying really worked. I learned to be careful what I prayed for. My prayers were answered, but it doesn't happen in the way I expected it. There are lessons to be learned and some of them are very hard.

I found a book called the Tao of Physics. I just had to buy it because as I flicked through it, I saw a kind of pattern of what the author called “the Dance of Shiva.” I always get a feeling of quiet satisfaction and confirmation when I read about something that I have experienced. The dance of Shiva is an understanding of life, where nothing is lost or wasted. I saw energy bouncing everywhere, interacting then bouncing off. Energy was flying off to new attractions. It was building, growing, bursting, and flying off to start anew, nothing wasted always moving.

I remember when I saw this; I knew how important we all are. We are all part of something really magnificent and there really is a plan. The last experience to occur was when I was in my thirties. Although not the last revelation, it was the most glorious. I wasn't very happy. I felt I had made a mess of things. I felt as if I was not doing the right thing, that in fact I felt I was doing the wrong thing. I just couldn't get rid of this thought, “YOU HAVE WORK TO DO!” If I'd have known just how much work I needed to do I would have insisted and stamped my foot to stay on the other side.

It didn't seem I was doing the kind of work they wanted me to do. But there were occasions when I spoke to people, after this last revelation, I found myself saying things to people where they were open-mouthed. I would think, where are these words coming from? Anyways, I was not too happy with myself and felt desperate, so I did something I don't regularly do. I went to my local village church. It was Good Friday and I was full of sadness. There were candles, robes, and a procession walking toward the vicar. He was passing out a sip of wine and a slice of what seemed like rice paper. Well I just followed through, having spent most of the service in tears. I joined the queue where I was blessed and accepted the gifts.

I have since heard that I should not have done this because I have never been confirmed in this Church. But hey, Jesus loves me doesn't he? I really didn't know. It was Easter Monday. Early that morning I sat bolt upright in bed. My husband asked me what was the matter. I exclaimed, “Jesus, I've seen Jesus!” He said, “It's just a dream, go back to sleep.” There is no way I will agree this was just a dream. I saw the brightest light. It filled my whole view bright like an atomic light but it didn't hurt my eyes. I was scared. In the middle of this light was a being. He stood there with a white robe (I read this description later in the bible, but this was what I saw). He had long hair. I remember looking at a tie round his waist and it had a tassel at the ends.

But most of all I remember his feet. They were made out of stone or marble with so perfectly magnificent in sandals. I remember feeling so small, like a grain of sand or dust, just looking at his feet! Then he spoke to me. I cannot for the life of me remember what he said; I just remember the sound he made, like being in the middle of an earthquake. I suppose, rumbling, deep, again it was not necessary for speech. He didn't seem very pleased with me although he was acknowledging my presence and made me understand he knew who I was but I was so awestruck and fearful I simply woke up. Therefore, dreams or in reality I do speak to Jesus.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1969

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Birth Related..Toxemia, Edema Clinical death Had fits, stopped breathing, daughter born with aid of forceps.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? fully alert in my mind

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Not that I can remember, but communication seemed without moving lips.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was in a room very sparse populated with people. The room was misty gray. I did know that I wanted to go on into something else but they wouldn't let me

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They seemed like ordinary people, although they spoke telepathically.

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm If I did I cannot describe now, but I can remember the emotional qualities.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Every emotion you can describe.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I sometimes get a kind of flash of feeling that I know what will happen next but probably no more than others more like intuition although I have had little dreams that have happened.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I was not allowed to go farther than the room, they said I had to go back.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was very disappointed, the experience of love, warmth, caring was overwhelming.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Initially I tried to dismiss it. I was 17 at the time. There were so many experiences that I wanted to have in my life. I tried to dismiss it all as nothing more than a very vivid dream. But over the years, it has all got so much stronger and the more I read and talked to people, the more I realized I wasn't the only one.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Nothing in life is comparable....just limited in oral explanation by standard of education to give an exact account....

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Described above.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I didn't get much of a reaction from the vicar, he listed then he blessed me that's all.....I've told my children, the youngest is now 24..they think I'm a bit of an eccentric but they are now aware...recently I have taken to talking about it a lot more....if only everyone were aware of their accountability!!! and so far people I have spoken of these things to are either quiet and thoughtful or I have others who have also heard about these things and come up with some apparently plausible reasons why it is all in the mind.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? When I saw the figure of Jesus in the prayer experience, it was like an atomic light, but even that description would not do it justice. Everyone should have a NDE.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It is not the questions which are so important to me, it is the comprehension of the people who read these answers.