Intense pain, loud noise, swiftly extracted through the top of my head to the uppermost left-hand corner of the ceiling of the surgical suite. Awareness of self as being present while observing medical staff suddenly going into resuscitation mode-realizing I still existed and was not afraid (contrary to previous earthly experience of being young, single mom raising a three year old and questioning Meaning of existence). I thought, 'This must be who I really am' when I myself in that state and found that 'I' was an alive entity/being without a body (and saw that body on the table). I thought, 'They think I'm gone, but I'm really up here.' I was exhilarated, curious, and wanted to 'see where this would go'.
In all, I recall four various dimensions, and curiously don't recall the transitions (in choosing to re-experience this daily in a meditative/prayer state I want to recall the transitions but have not). Next, I was moving/flying through space (dark void) at an unbelievably swift speed aware eventually that I could control speed and direction with awareness. Became aware there were objects in that dark space (maybe like stars in the sky?) that were bright in comparison and was attracted to them. I had the sense of avoiding some and 'steering' toward others (good and bad?).
Then there was One star of incredible dimension, brightness, beauty, majesty. As I was drawn toward it (combined with earnest choice), I could see complex shapes and colors. (Words don't describe it – I have tried to draw it.) I could see dimensions where the colors and shapes were overlaid one on another (like translucent immense precious stones fitted together to form a complex multi - doesn't describe - dimensional impression of a Most Loving Being that drew me to Him, invited me in, and pointed the Way to the Light. ALL wisdom and love was conveyed via unheard thought transmission from that Being (Jesus?). That light was a yet far distant point that I immediately (in combination again of will and being drawn) directly myself to with all earnestness with the conscious goal of uniting with that light (or perish?). As I approached, the light grew larger, brighter, compelling until I was suddenly thrust into it (beyond a sense of boundary) with indescribable speed. That is the only transition that is recalled.
Now, in the light, for eternity (seemed like), experience a sense of being 'held,' immersed, fully bathed, buoyant, ONE WITH THE LIGHT! The light was a golden light, warmth, and embracing. A state of (words are inaccurate) ALL LOVE, peace, unity, Wisdom from God, at the center, and innumerable other, unseen others poured into me to teach and explain to me the immense divinity of His overall plan from the beginning of time to the future. I soaked in with the conscious preciousness of gratitude for the unique, yet ever present for all, experience of knowing the immensity of the glorious plan. I felt like a 'chosen tutoree' with a privilege to be present here. I understood, in that experience, why and how God had been present and ever will be. That the experience on Earth is like a stage for all the divine beings to observe, cajole, and minister to individuals on Earth as they choose what they will and direct their own selves toward God or away (inadequate, incomplete theology to explain).
At the same time, I could perceive, from their perspective also the literal view of Earth from there (Heaven?) and even move around the planet from many, various perspectives while still being There and continuing to receive transmission. Seemed like an eternity that I wanted to remain in, yet there was a 'direction' to comprehend and maintain what I was learning. Eventually, there was a sense of a need to return and participate in transmitting and sharing this experience.
Actually, that came in the next dimension (not recall transition) where I was standing in front of the most beautiful, exquisite, representation of the English cottage I always conceived in my mind since earliest memory in childhood of the perfect home. I was outside the gate (picket fence with curved arbor climbing with roses) - so real. The golden light was streaming from the windows in the late dusk. I knew God was in the house. (I can see all the details of the home) I wanted to go in to be with Him. As I put my hand on the handle to go in, I was told 'If you go in you cannot come out. You have a little son (then four years old) who needs you. The people on earth need to know all that you have witnessed and experience. That their experience is not the totality of existence, but a crucial part of the overall plan.' Could 'see', understand, that my fear was an obstacle to coming to know God and His presence, not only for me, but also for all. That was the overriding message, the root of all evil in this world, and the foci of their interest, message, to this world. Then, I experienced the reverse of the initial experience. I was moving from that wondrous state back in and through the top of my head.
I became aware that I had a sheet over my whole body and head, that I was no longer in the surgical suite, and knew that they thought I was dead. I knew that I had to move, with all effort, finally did, and saw the surprise on the anesthesiologist's face who was present with the nurse who I did not see. Later, when roused by the surgeon, he dramatically questioned, 'Where did you go, I thought I lost you?' The rest is history. I recovered, chose not to return to work, focused on my son, behaved in ways that were incongruent with previous experience that were motivated totally by this experience. Subsequent detail available, that validate the presence of reality from that experience in all my behavior, if you like.
Date NDE Occurred: 6/6/1979
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
Surgical intervention following three weeks of hospitalization to 'stabilize.' 1+ year of undiagnosed (now know for certain political and legal gain) symptoms, illness, r/t Pelvic Inflammatory Disease r/t Dalkon Shield.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal In the Light.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In the Light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Could be more than one place at the same time in the third dimension. Much more available.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Please see above.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Could understand the transmission of many expressing knowledge simultaneously. Much more available - please contact me.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Above. At first, no sense of enclosure, the space eventually became evident, after being with Jesus, the divine being pointing the Way.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes At the time, I did not see or recognize any being as one whom I knew. More sensed their presence.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Again, please see above. I existed in the Light. Was one with the Light. The Light was God.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm See above. Much more available.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love best describes, and there is much more detail available - again, please contact me.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Could 'see', understand that my fear was an obstacle to coming to know God and His presence, not only for me, but also for all. That was the overriding message, the root of all evil in this world, and the foci of their interest, message, to this world.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Every act and thought has emanated from the perspective of this experience. Yet, I feel I have not satisfied my responsibility to the extent that it can be. I am willing now, more than ever (because of a renewing of the urgency) to commit myself totally. Please inquire.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes Above, each of the four dimensions had a boundary.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Previous experience of ~ 2 years in Seventh-day Adventist Church at age 12-14 where learned of God and His purpose for peace on Earth in contrast to the severe abuse expr in childhood.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No Daily prayer and study time is essential for me. Obviously, worship of God and knowledge of His word essential.
What is your religion now? Liberal 'Attending Seventh-day Adventist Church focused on assisting pts to develop their awareness of spiritual dimension. B/C of expr, not possible or necessary to affiliate with a particular denomination, but to express the Reality of God's existence now among all people.'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No Daily prayer and study time is essential for me. Obviously, worship of God and knowledge of His word essential.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No Again, above, and much more.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My son, of course, has been my focus. He is not thirty-eight years old, with a dear wife and three children whom I am committed to. I have remained in marriages far past the usual person's tolerance.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There were specific communications in memorable words, yet the overall experience. I was presented in thought, feelings, and images that moved so unbelievably swift that is difficult to express in words - more like an imprint.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I had a previous experience of 'seeing' my father die (by murder) about six months before he did at age fourteen, and then another traumatic shooting of a family member. Because of 'no fear' I was able to later investigate my father's murder and after taking a year out of my normal life stream, eventually forge his murderer. Now, as a psychiatric provider, I have the exquisite privilege of accompanying many on their life quest. I have a sense of how to offer guidance, with the awareness of Higher Beings, (Holy Spirit, perhaps?) present that aid in my understanding and presentation of words.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Above, please communicate with me. We must communicate that fear is the obstacle to all we innately desire.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Right from the beginning. Of course, most thought I had lost my mind. My doctor did not. I became quite depressed within the first six months trying to assimilate and actuate the experience. I loved everyone, married within six weeks, the day after I met my then husband, and moved to the mountains of central Idaho. Felt isolated by not being able to connect with others of similar experience or awareness. Soon became 'a secret' I kept to myself, but always conscious of. One cannot return to everyday reality and at the same time know the full reality.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It permeated every atom of my being.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I can no longer live within the confines of usual, common experience, and am frustrated by it. I need to express to anyone who has an ear to hear, and an eye to see that we exist within a much larger dimension that is exquisitely designed and available to all. Ironically, our fears can keep us from experience this reality here, because all the strife and dissension with one another, and within ourselves. I speak, mostly one on one with others, and feel called to disseminate this experience, knowledge, much more widely.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No In early years I did try substances to recreate (had never previously condoned such practice), but was totally unsuccessful and realized the harm.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Please contact me. I want to devote myself to the dissemination.