I SAW THE FIGURE OF A MAN MOVING UPWARD, AWAY FROM ME. I REMEMBER THINKING HOW WARM AND SOFT HIS ROBE LOOKED, ALTHOUGH IT WAS VERY OLD AND TORN, WITH A RAGGED HEMLINE AND A TORN PLACE ON ONE SIDE. IT WAS THE WARM COLOR OF A GOLDEN BEIGE. I REMEMBER THINKING THAT IF I COULD TOUCH IT; IT WOULD BE SO SOFT AND WARM.
I FOLLOWED HIM AS HE MOVED UPWARD AND AWAY. I WAS EAGER TO CATCH UP AND JUST TOUCH HIS ROBE. I BECAME AWARE OF A GLOW, A LIGHT, AHEAD AND ABOVE, BEYOND HIM, THAT WE WERE GOING TO THE LIGHT. AS IT BECAME BRIGHTER AND BRIGHTER, I WAS SO INVOLVED IN HIS WARMTH THAT I DID NOT REALIZE WE HAD COME TO THE LIGHT.
WHEN I LOOKED UP, HE TURNED AND LOOKED ME IN THE EYE. THE LIGHT WAS BEHIND HIM, THROUGH AN OPEN DOORWAY, KIND OF LIKE AN OPENING INTO A WALL BUILT OF STONE AND MANY VINES AND SHRUBS ON EITHER SIDE. HE TURNED AND LOOKED AT ME. LOOKED ME IN THE EYE, BUT THE LIGHT WAS BEHIND HIM AND IT WAS LIKE LOOKING AT SOMEONE STANDING WITH THE SUN BEHIND THEM, ONLY MUCH BRIGHTER AND MUCH MORE DETAILED COLORS.
HE WAS INDISTINGUISHABLE, EXCEPT TO SEE HIS EYES AS THEY LOOKED STRAIGHT INTO MINE. I HEARD VERY CLEARLY, IN MY OWN MIND, BUT NOT MY THOUGHTS, INSIDE BUT NOT ME, I HEARD: "THE PRAYERS OF THE RIGHTEOUS ARE ANSWERED".
I FELT THE LOVE WRAPPED AROUND ME SOLID AS ONLY TOTAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE CAN BE. LOVE THAT I CANNOT ADEQUATELY EXPRESS IN WORDS. LOVE THAT IS BEYOND KNOWLEDGE. A PERFECT AND SOLID AND TOTAL LOVE DIFFERENT FROM WHAT WE UNDERSTAND HERE ON EARTH.
I UNDERSTAND THINGS ABOUT JUDGMENT AND THE PERFECT JUDGMENT WE ARE TO JUDGE OURSELVES; AND HIS JUDGMENT IS RIGHTEOUS. THERE IS NO ARGUING, NO DENYING, THE JUDGMENT IS WITHIN OURSELVES. IT IS ONE IN US AND IN HIM. IT IS THE SAME. IT IS TOTAL AND COMPLETE.
I FELT THINGS FROM MY CHILDHOOD SO REAL, SO BEAUTIFUL, YET SO SIMPLE. THE SMELL WAS PURE AND THE WARMTH AND FEELING WAS LIKE A SMALL CHILD WITH WARM SUNSHINE ON MY BACK AND THE FEELING OF COOL GRASS ON BAREFEET. THE MEMORIES OF GOODNESS AND PURITY, INNOCENCE, ACCEPTANCE, LOVE.
I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE THERE. I WANTED TO GO INTO THE WONDERFUL LIGHT. I WANTED TO TOUCH HIM. TO FEEL THE WARMTH OF HIS ROBE AND TO STAY THERE, BUT I UNDERSTOOD I COULD NOT ENTER INTO THE LIGHT, YET. HE WAS BLOCKING THE ENTRANCE WITH TOTAL LOVE AND HIS EYES WERE LOVE. I KNEW THAT THE GLORY OF GOD WAS WHAT I WAS LOOKING AT, AND I COULD NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO IT, LIKE LOOKING INTO THE SUN.
WHEN I HEARD THE WORDS, I IMMEDIATELY CRASHED BACK INTO MY BODY WITH THE MOST AWFUL PAIN AND WEIGHT AND BURDEN. I CANNOT DESCRIBE THE PAIN, THE COLDNESS, THE HEAVINESS, AND THE SEPARATION FROM LOVE INTO NOW.
I AWOKE PRAYING AND THANKING GOD, THAT SOMEONE RIGHTEOUS HAD PRAYED FOR ME. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE SCRIPTURE AT THE TIME. THAT ALL WHO ARE IN CHRIST ARE MADE BY THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD, THROUGH CHRIST JESUS. SO I WAS PRAYING: THANK YOU GOD THAT SOMEONE RIGHTEOUS HAD PRAYED FOR ME.
I HAVE NOT STOPPED PRAYING FROM THAT TIME UNTIL NOW, AND I TEACH THE POWER OF PRAYER TO ANYONE WILLING TO LISTEN. I WILL SOMEDAY BE GIVEN THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE INDESCRIBABLE PERHAPS, BUT THE MOST I HAVE EXPERIENCED IS THE ABILITY TO LET LOVE FLOW THROUGH ME TOWARD OTHERS. TOTAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, TOWARD ALL OTHERS.
THERE ARE MANY MORE CHANGES I HAVE EXPERIENCED SINCE THAT TIME. I HAVE MUCH LEARNING TO DO. I WAS RAISED IN THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST FAITH AND DID NOT FEEL LIKE THESE THINGS WERE STILL TRUE TODAY. NOW I BELIEVE, BECAUSE I KNOW GOD IS LOVE AND HIS LOVE IS TOTAL AND SOLID AND UNCHANGING. JUST BELIEVE.
Date NDE Occurred: June 1997
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related brain surgery Clinical death The time of the experience was during brain surgery: an aneurysm on the main artery to the brain. I had been told that it was too deep and could not be operated on, that there was only one surgeon who might attempt to do the surgery, and that there was not technology to do the procedure. I was aware of the dangers and the risk involved. I had been told that aneurisms usually burst at 1 centimeter and this one was 9/10ths of a cm. So I was aware of the risk.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I was not encumbered by weight or body, but did not see myself. My eyes were fixed upon Him and His robe and the other things around me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was in surgery and had been placed in a controlled death simulation, so as to perform the brain surgery. The flow of blood had almost totally stopped to the brain to prevent hemorrhage and stroke. The aneurysm was on the bifurcation of the main artery supplying the brain with blood and oxygen. What seemed like only moments to me was in fact 7 hours.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning What seemed like only moments to me was in fact 7 hours, but I did not realize it until after coming back.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? What I heard....I KNEW. It was more than hearing ...it was a knowing inside...and I heard Him speak inside of me, yet it was Him.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I followed Him and was unaware of my surroundings until He stopped and turned. He stood in a doorway that lead to LIGHT.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes HIM.
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I wish I could, but words fail me. Every light and one light. Sort of like the light of the sun but more, because it contained all Light. There are no words and there are no comparisons to it. It was and is THE LIGHTàLIGHT with feelings and brilliance and LOVE.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Moving upward, past levels of light, to the entrance of LIGHT, a walled enclosure and a doorway through the wall. The Great Light was beyond the door.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? LOVE. TOTAL, SOLID LOVE. PERFECT LOVE. LOVE BEYOND KNOWLEDGE. LOVE AND THE experience of LOVE that I cannot really put into human words. There are no words to express the feeling of solid TOTAL LOVE.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe The doorway is narrow and few will enter into it. The Way has been made, but many are deceived and will not enter in.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Judgment IS RIGHTEOUS AND COMPLETE.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I am not allowed to repeat anything, except that it is soon. Be prepared and practice righteousness. Doing good and Loving God and man. Look up...IT IS ALL TRUE AND HE IS LONG-SUFFERING TOWARD US, not willing that any should perish.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes I had no option about whether I could go in or not. It is, was and always will be up to HIM and the judgment of righteousness.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I did not want to leave, but it was good at the same time. I understood that and there was no reason to question it. It was RIGHT AND JUST.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate non-denominational
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I had not believed the gifts we are taught of in scripture were for today. Now I believe. I know! HIS Word is true, down to the smallest dot, and is for everlasting to everlasting. It will always be true.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are NO HUMAN WORDS to describe the perfect LOVE. The colors and the LIGHT are indescribable in our terms. There are some things that cannot be said, and some things that should not be said. There is a sense of KNOWING and a feeling of KNOWLEDGE that cannot be spoken in words. The overpowering total LOVE is very hard to describe.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I HAVE BEEN GIVEN SOME GIFTS AND THEY ARE NOT FOR ME, BUT FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED AT THE DISCRETION AND TIME OF GOD. IT WOULD BE VAIN OF ME TO THINK I HAVE ANY CONTROL EXCEPT BY PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION TO GOD. Praying on behalf of others and letting God do His perfect Work.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? THE BEST PART...THE LOVE THAT PASSES KNOWLEDGE.
THE WORST PART...THE SEPARATION, WHEN I CAME BACK.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Doubt and unbelief usually. Sometimes doubt about my sanity. Sometimes just shrugged off as unimportant.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain There have been events that have been close, and usually it is when I am in prayer in the privacy of my own room, sometimes at church, once or twice completely unexpectedly and without my actively thinking about it at the time. MANY TIMES I HAVE FELT THE PRESENCE OF A TYPE OF CLOUD AND SMELLED THE WONDERFUL SMELL...KIND OF LIKE ROSES, BUT MORE PURE, more sweet and simple. I have experienced many things that would be hard to explain to anyone: the thoughts and pains of other people, the hurt and the broken-heartedness of the lost, the compassion for the ones without compassion, and Love for those without love and those who are unlovable.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? SO MUCH MORE. TIME IS SHORT AND WE MUST BELIEVE. GOD IS LOVE AND HIS LOVE IS FOR ALL. WE CAN TRUST AND BELIEVE. IT IS MORE REAL THAN REALITY. MORE TRUE AND MORE ETERNAL. JUST BELIEVE!
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I pray that I may be allowed to share more soon. There is so much more, yet it is so simple really: just BELIEVE, Love the Lord our God, with all our hearts and souls and minds, and LOVE all others as ourselves. Remember that His judgment is righteous and perfect and without doubt. We will all face the judgment of LOVE. The final judgment is eternal.