I was very tired after three months of nursing my father who finally passed away in my arms. I could sleep more after that, and I managed organizing the funeral and related tasks. I was on my own, as my mother passed away earlier. After the final event, the funeral, and everything has been done, I could start to release physical strain.
Two weeks afterwards, I spent an evening with my friends. We had a rehearsal with our Blues Band. When we got there, I felt tired and dizzy. While they went down to the cellar to the rehearsal room, I had to stay outside in the air. I told my friends that I would follow them a little bit later but it just got worse. I lost my strength, a headache started, it was difficult to breathe, my mouth went completely dry, and there was a pressure in my head like it had been squeezed. I was freezing although it wasn't cold. I just kept getting more and more tired lying on a bench. As it was getting worse, there was a point when gathering all of my energies that I went down to my friends to say that there is something very wrong with me.
As they saw me, put me in the car and took me to the closest emergency doctor surgery. There was a patient in there but a friend of mine just knocked on the door saying that it is ‘urgent’. The doctor came out from his room, checked my blood pressure and pulse. Frightened, he threw my arm away, ran into the surgery and called for urgent emergency care. I had been taken into the room, lying on a bed, covered with a blanket. I was very sick, in pain, freezing and all the previously described symptoms. As I was lying there, I was clearly aware that I am dying. It was like clarity. It wasn't scary at all but quite the opposite. I felt peace, feeling that nothing is missing from my life. I had done well, except one thing. It annoyed me that I haven't written a will as I just inherited my father's house. Without a will it will go to the state.
But this has gone. I started to feel euphoric and very peaceful at the same time, bliss, a kind of emotion of what I was waiting for all of my life. I felt my body as if it were sinking: like being on a surface of a bath of water and the water is flowing out. It was clear that now I am dying. At the same time, I lost the feeling of my body. There was no freezing, no headache, no difficult breath, no dizziness, nothing anymore but a very pleasant floating on a surface: deeper and deeper. I saw the emergency doctors arrive in red clothes; saw the back door of the ambulance. I was inside lying on the bed.
The two doctors were doing something on two sides of my body. I saw my friends outside in front of the ambulance door. They stayed together, seriously worrying about me in silence. One of them had a bottle of wine with coke, drank from it, then put the bottle to the hand of our drummer. He came to the door, went back, and drank again, many times. It went on and on for a while.
Suddenly I felt a sharp pain, a needle stick in my left arm: the first bodily sensation after a while, I came back. Although it was clear when I was dying at the time of sinking, I wasn't aware that I was dead or anything would be strange. It was natural seeing my friends outside the ambulance; it was a normal part of my ‘life’. I was focusing on them so didn't see anything else, not my body, not the doctors anymore. I ‘saw’ my friends' worry, astonishment, and ‘saw’ the drinking friend's confusion not knowing what to do, or when to come in the ambulance.
It was arranged that he would accompany me to the hospital. I spent one night in intensive care, and doctors were searching the reason for two weeks after that. I was in a regular room. Nothing was diagnosed except ‘my battery’ has been exhausted. It was strange, after that, for about a half year how my body protects itself from that happening again. I couldn't think. It was very difficult to understand what I was reading. It took me a whole week to read and to understand a single page. I was a journalist at that time, not working of course. I didn't attach much importance to that experience, even still I wasn't aware what happened, or where I was.
Two years later we had a conversation with this drinking friend and I accidently mentioned how he got drunk and couldn't stop drinking at the ambulance door while I was inside. As I said that, I stopped, I noticed that something was ‘wrong’ with it. I was in the car: I shouldn't have seen what he was doing outside. So I recalled the experience and started to remember dying, the end of my sickness feelings, losing my sense of body, but staying alert otherwise. I didn't know when I had gotten to the ‘other side’ but remembered clearly the pain of the needle, arriving back. It was the point when I understood what really happened and that I was actually dead. The only exact numbers that I know about is the 60/20 blood pressure that was measured by the first doctor who called the emergency. It was on my paper in the hospital.
I remember the nurse in the intensive care unit seeing that blood pressure and asked me, how I can still be alive after these values? He could speak openly as my mood was very euphoric, friendly, and delightful. I felt a kind of true freedom. Although it was a short time when I was out of my body and I haven't seen any particular spiritual wisdom, clarity, after some months something started. It was like I brought something from ‘there’ that was unfolding bit by bit.
When I woke up in the mornings, I had very clear and unusual thoughts, just flowing into my head: strange ones, what I was never thinking about before, alien insights, realizations. For example, what humans are doing with the Earth or our political system is wrong, and so on. They didn't stop. My friend called me every day in the morning and I had to tell her these new truths, which were just flowing. I just spoke and spoke. She was worried that I gone mad. I was also scared sometimes because these new insights were completely different than I saw the world before from my material point of view. I remember it was like a kind of support from a higher wisdom.
Sometimes I just took a book from my shelf without any purpose, which I had never read before, open it up, read the page and saw exactly written what I was talking about. It was a book by Konrad Lorenz: Civilized Man's Eight Deadly Sins. I loved his animal related books. That's why I bought this one too but wasn't interested in it. It was just staying on my shelf waiting. At the same time, I found an answer to a new question. Or another time, a woman stood on the street selling a particular political magazine, I didn't know why but I bought one. I read the editorial at home finding exactly my newest thoughts of what I was talking about to my friend. Before I really went mad, I saw others, professionals. I realized clever people had the same thoughts, so I could calm down not feeling that I was mad.
However, the whole realization story was strange and unusual and took about three years to accept. I also noticed that I developed an increased empathy, I ‘see’ people's emotions, just looking at their face, even what they try to hide: it was new and interesting. Many of them get scared hearing their ‘secrets’ from me at the beginning. I stopped telling them but it became natural for me over the years. I don't see the difference anymore. I just know about it as I remember when it was new and strange and interesting. Or I feel the need to send a message or talking to someone about a particular issue, without them asking me. I get an answer ‘how did you know that?’ It had been a concern for them recently to think about it.
The real point in my life is a cancer, diagnosed four years after the experience, but it is another story. I’m preparing to write a book about it. After this amazing ‘death,’ I wasn't afraid not to follow the doctor's advice after this death sentence. I simply avoided usual treatments: no surgery, no chemotherapy, nothing, I dared to listen to my heart without fear (this is the point) and recovered within two years following natural methods only, finding my inner-healer, putting the puzzle pieces together, and I became a naturopath after that. My real message will be around the cancer, revealing the myth around this ‘disease,’ which was actually the biggest gift of my life. Thanks for reading.
Date NDE Occurred: 05/1996
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. After 3 months nursing my dying father with cancer, at home until his death, not sleeping enough for that period, about 1.5 hour at once only, I got exhausted. Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my friends as I was focusing on them. It was something like from above the ambulance.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The sinking part, when I knew what was happening: I am dying. I was certain and confident, without question. I was aware of the process. I was completely present.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no such a thing as time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Normally we just see with our physical eyes. Before the experience I didn't feel or sense other's emotions.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience it was silence. No sounds at all. Interesting question, I didn't even think (or remember) about it.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Just my earthly friends who were really alive.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, bliss: It was mine. I was aware of my friends' emotions, aware that these are their feelings.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No It started after the experience. My experience wasn't long.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist I grown up in a period in Hungary when any religion was foridden. So I was atheist and materialistic that time.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain Not right after that but it started.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths just simply LOVE (Love, God, Universe, Life are the same) The only reality. But I understand the teachings of Jesus, Buddha who were talking about the same. "Early" enlightened beings. As there is no time as we humans preceive it.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was materialistic. What happened it wasn't materialistic. But I wasn't aware of the difference.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I stopped being materialistic. I turned towards spiritual aspects. I started to search for more knowledge, wisdom, and truth. More value on spiritual ‘things’ than material ones. Eventually found the meaning of Love.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain There was no separate Universe from me. As I was it.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain During my out of body experience it wasn't a question because it was just natural, "ordinary". Withouth feeling or racionalizing or noticing that it is not ordinary seeing my friends. My life just seemed to be continued as normal. Withouth noticing that I
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. I know that there is no death as we think it is. Just change in perspective. No physical limits anymore. Clarity about life events, recognizing lies, false mass beliefs, delusions. I’m seeing the world, life from a higher perspective. I’m sensitive to other's emotions without being affected most of the time. I also understood an event that occurred after my mother's death. She contacted me physically. I couldn't speak about it and couldn't understand either. But felt clearly her touch on my cheek and got her message not to cry as she was very well. I am sure that I wouldn't react so bravely to the cancer diagnosis without this experience.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Some of them got more open as it became clear that other's had similar experiences too, even if not NDE. We didn't speak about these earlier: fearing misunderstanding or refusal. But it is nice to share these experiences with each other knowing that others will understand us.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes As we don't have words for experiences that we usually don't have. I saw my friends; saw their feelings while my physical eyes were closed in the ambulance. There is no exact word to express seeing with non-physical eyes or seeing emotions. It is different than feeling or sensing emotions when one feels others'. Normally we just feel our own emotions.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have more empathy, getting messages for others solving their problems, clear insights, realizations, sensing other people's emotions or thoughts.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The awareness that there is no death as I experienced it is especially meaningful. I don't have to believe it. I know it. It’s easier to let go of friends and family members when they pass away. No negative feelings about or fear of ‘death’ as it is typical in our western society.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Two years after it happened, I wasn't aware of it until then. I share it for helping people. Either they are worried about losing loved-ones, after they have lost them and mourning, or when they are ill and have a fear of death. They were listening and thinking about it. Sometimes I feel that they just got confirmation to their guess.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I knew the existence of the subject but I wasn't interested in it. I don't remember the source, media maybe. I have gotten curious after my experience. My knowledge about it didn't affect my experience. There is a difference between what others speaking about it and what I experienced myself.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was just like it should be anyway. I didn't realize shortly after that, that I had actually a NDE. It was part of life. I wasn't aware that something was different from normal.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real As I ‘experienced’ it, it was definitely real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am happy to share it. Fear of death is the root-problem of people while there is nothing to fear. Also, many people are searching truth about it. It is a question of whether there is life after death. It is not a question anymore for us with NDE. Many say, ‘We don't know what happens as nobody has come back to speak about it.’ While we are many who came back and happily speak about it and yet they, who say this, refuse to accept it. Humans are strange. Life is eternal in a different form and/or perspective. We just change or leave our ‘spacesuit’ body for a different environment.