At the age of fifteen I attempted suicide. I drank a lot of alcohol and took bottles and bottles of pills. This sounds funny but I changed my mind and decided I really did not want to die. I called an ambulance about the time my mother found the empty pill bottles and started screaming. My dad, retired army, drove me to the hospital on the local army base.
I must have been going in and out of consciousness because the next thing I know I am on a table in a room. There are people all around me moving around. A nurse is shoving a tube down my throat. I am gagging and the nurse is screaming, 'Don't bite me, you'd better not bite me.' A man is screaming at me asking me what pills I took. Sometime later, a nurse is screaming at me saying, 'What were the red pills. You have to tell me what the red pills are!' I wonder why everyone has to scream. Later I wake up to hear someone talking about kidney damage.
A man is sitting beside me. A kind looking black man. I tell him I don't want to die and he says, 'Don't worry, you're not going to die.' I ask him to hold my hand. He does. I ask him not to leave me and he says he won't.
At some point, I'm really not sure if it was before or after all this, I realize I am looking down on a scene. I see a nurse standing beside someone on a gurney. I have a surreal feeling. I am very calm, lacking any emotion. Everything is very clear and in slow motion. I see my mom, dad and sister standing beside the person on the gurney. I don't immediately recognize them as my family until I ask myself who these people are. I see the people talking but I can't hear them. I wonder to myself who is on the gurney and why my family is there. I hover there watching but I'm not sure for how long. There seems to be no sense of time.
I just remembered this. You know how you can feel the slight movement of air around your body? No matter where you are, there is some movement of air or change in temperature. When I was floating above there was no air movement or temperature of any kind. There was a complete absence of those things.
Then several things happen simultaneously. I hear something like warning bells going off. A steady ding, ding, ding. I see the people looking alarmed. My dad is wringing his hands. The nurse starts to push the gurney. My first thought is, 'Hmm, this is interesting. Like watching a movie.' Then I realize that it's me on the gurney and that I am above everyone. I think, I'm not supposed to be up here! The next thing I remember I am waking up in the intensive care unit hooked up to a heart monitor and all kinds of equipment.
Date NDE Occurred: 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Other Attempted suicide by overdose. I do not know if I stopped breathing or heart function stopped. I was in the emergency room after taking a massive overdose of pills and alcohol.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I had great clarity and no distractions. I'm the type of person who finds it hard to focus. My mind is on several things at once and I'm distracted by things going on around me. In my OBE, I had no distractions. No emotion or worries. Thinking was not an effort. In normal life, you ask yourself a question and it's like a computer searching for information. It takes a second or two. In my OBE, I thought a question and had instant knowing. Everything I looked at was very clear and my mind was completely focused on each individual person or thing I looked at.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I have never felt such a complete sense of calm, clarity and lack of any emotion as I did while looking down on my body before I realized it was me down there.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no time. I seemed to be higher up than just the ceiling or the room. I was very separate and invisible from the people below me.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? As I saw things it seemed like I was a bit higher up than the ceiling. When I focused on an individual person such as my body, the nurse, or my parents it was like looking through a telescope. Very clear but no peripheral vision.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I could not hear the words people were speaking or any other sound. I only heard an alarm.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain A man was sitting beside me. A kind looking black man. I don't know if this was a real person or not. Later, I asked around because I wanted to thank the man. No one knew who I was talking about. Not sure if the man was there before or after the OBE. He was not there during.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt calm and completely separated from any emotion or care until I wondered who all those people below where.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Christian/ Pentecostal........looking into Catholicism
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I realize that even when I'm no longer here things will carry on. I try to teach my sons and husband (who is much younger than me) how to do the necessary things to survive daily life. Things from morals to how to make wise financial decisions. I don't want to look on them from the other side and see they are making mistakes because I left something undone.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes After the age of thirty I realized that I am a Sensitive. I can feel the presence of spirits. Not every spirit I'm sure but sometimes I can feel a spirit already present in a room or a spirit enter a room. I have an uncanny ability to feel the 'mood' of a group of people or the nature of an individual. I see no connection to my OBE.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It was the first time I saw my parents as real people. Not just my parents but separate individuals with emotions. Up until that time everything about me was a typical fifteen year old. There was nothing that was not about me, for me, concerning me, or important to me but myself.
I realized that there is something besides pure emotion. I can get outside my emotions to a deeper, more objective place. Again, the world is not all about me, me, me.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was decades after the experience before I told someone. They believed me. I don't think they were influenced in any way.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was just as real as putting your hand in a fire. I never questioned the reality of my experience. It happened. It was real.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I still feel it was a real experience.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No