Tracy T NDE

Experience Description

I was ill with what doctors thought was the flu. Taking aspirin, not able to eat drink or rest. As the flu began to lift, I became much more ill. I was aware something was terribly wrong. I attempted to tell my mother something was very wrong. Within hours, I was no longer able to communicate. To make a very long story short, I was taken to my doctor. Within a few minutes of examining me, he told my mother to get me to a local hospital. Ambulance was suggested, but she chose to drive me along with my older brother. I remember entering the hospital. My brother leading me to the emergency room, my mother fell behind and began to cry. I was confused as to why? I was rushed into an examination room. At that point, I was becoming delirious. I was not sure where or why I was there. I was highly agitated, they wanted to know what medications I was taking. None but aspirin. They thought I was on drugs due to erratic behavior. A order was given for a spinal tap. The results where Ryes Syndrome.

I was rushed to the hospital, sirens running. I remember the nurse in the ambulance explaining the sound of the sirens. Medications where given to me to help calm me. They were in such a hurry! Much of it I can't recall. What I do recall was being at the next hospital. Jumping off the gurney and trying to run from the illness. I was so hot and wanted to cool down. I could smell toxins from my body. I thought if I could run from it, it would leave me. What I wasn't aware of is what I was told. I would lay on the cool floor, or run straight into a wall. I was very delirious. My brain was swelling and organs shutting down. I was in a fight or flight mode! What I remember next is an elevator. Being moved to the intensive care unit. All went blank. I don't recall all the machines being put on me. I slipped into a coma. My mother was told to go home. I would be dead within a few days at best. I was told my heart failed many times within the next week or two. Scans were done on my brain, showing severe damage. Only the very last part of the brain was working and failing fast! I was brain dead. No hope of recovery. A nurse was at my deathbed for what I was told was a deathwatch. The family was brought in to say goodbye the following day.

I was no longer in my body. I had crossed over to a wondrous place of pure peace of love. What I recall is bits and pieces. I was met by who I thought was Jesus. We spoke for a time, then I was taken to a place I can only describe as a flowing grassy meadow without end or beginning. There I was told to rest. How long I was there, I can't explain. Time did not exist as we know it here. I was aware of all things, although I could see no spirits. I was aware of them. Those living as well as dead. Communication was complete and without misunderstanding. Time passed, and then Christ came to me. Though he was away, He was not. Alone in this beautiful place I was content. He asked if I wanted to return to the living? As I answered the question, 'NO, I want to stay here.' With gentle peace and as I answered He interrupted. He said before I choose that I should see something - the future of my life if I returned.

From that moment, I returned to my final moments at my deathbed. It was all seen! Everything! Meanings, events, pain, sorrow. Not just that, but why we are here! What I'm to do, my purpose and how important my return was to all of mankind and the effects of now, future and after life. How everything we do or don't do effects everything, every one. How it all ripples through time space. (I had a life preview.) Not that anything was set in stone. Destined and yet was, and was not. Everything we do, matters! To the smallest, to the largest. In fact, the smallest in our human view is more important than what we would consider in our human experience. I saw all things; nothing was hidden. Though I seen horrific suffering within my own life, I understood its implications. I really cannot describe what I'm trying to say with our limited communications. Words will not and cannot. I begged to return to my body, though I knew how awful I would feel and the intense fight I would endure if I came back to my body.

Suddenly, I was in my body again. It felt awful! The nurse on the deathwatch was startled when I suddenly turned my head with a jerk towards her! She jumped! I could not talk, or move. How I moved my head, I have no clue. As I could not move it again. I could see, but was not able to hear well at all. She spoke in a loud voice to me. I could tell by the sound and strain. She kept trying to get me to respond. I could not! I was terrified! I did not know where I was, who she was, whom I was, why I felt sick unable to move, or why she was digging her knuckles in my chest. It HURT SO BAD! My chest was bruised from restarting my heart multiply times. Then she put her fingers in my hand closing them around them with her other hand. It hurt sooo much to even touch me, let alone move me! With a tender asking, she asked me to squeeze her fingers. I tried, but was unable. With much prompting, I was finally able to very lightly do so. She had to assist me with her other hand, but I did. She immediately went to a phone to call the doctor to come! He would not, saying, there was no way I could have been responding to her. All the tests showed I was brain dead and would soon die. I was more than likely just flinching, or have mini seizures.

After a few hours and her insistence he final showed up, but I was slipping back into a comma. She did everything possible to keep me awake. Grinding her fist in my chest, telling me to stay awake until the doctor got there. When he did, he came over to me after an argument with the nurse. I could not respond to him, other than open my eyes. He shined a light in my eyes that hurt a lot! I could tell he was surprised. Calling my name, making my try and squeeze his fingers. I did so to make him leave me alone. That's all I remember. He told me to go back to sleep. The next thing I can remember was a kind nurse, she was so pretty and had eyes of gentle concern and love. Her touch was soft and caring. I liked her. I tried to cry, but it caused me to gasp and choke. All the tubes in my nose, mouth, and my lungs full of pneumonia from being bedridden would not allow me to cry without pain. It even caused my heart to stop. Only tears could come.

She tried to comfort me. She kept telling me where I was and I was a very sick boy. Long story short. As I recovered in the hospital, about a month and a half, I was told how lucky I was to live, not just that, but to begin to talk, walk and anything else for that matter. I could not understand why I could see spirits and no others couldn't. I kept silent about it. To this day, I sense them. I can heal with touch, but due to religion and other's reactions at my abilities, I chose to push them away. I'm now forty-six years old and I am profoundly affected by what took place. Having suppressed all of it to fit into social, cultural, and religious norms. I have lived a life of disillusionment. Unsatisfied and strongly lead to be what and who I am. I am now embracing it. Trouble is, I have trained my mind to be human, in the so-called normal sense. Any help I can reach for, or by the cosmic will of God, I'm allowing in my mind. To anyone who can, or lead by truth and spirit. Your assistance is in wait. I'm now here to do what I was called to do.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1972

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness 'Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening' Ryes syndrome Ryes Syndrome. Fatal at the time if untreated. Very little was known of how to treat this. By the time the doctors discovered what was wrong, the diagnosis was imminent death with no hope of recovery. All vital organs where in complete or near failure!

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The highest level was at death. More so, when I was speaking with who I call Jesus before my return to earth and life, as we know it. At the time he showed me all of life's purpose as well as the afterlife.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no time in our understanding.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Much more vivid. Colors where more than just that. Many more levels without end, or beginning. Felt, heard, no way to describe in our terms and lack of physical limitations.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No need to use your mouth to hear. Not sure if I heard music, for some reason much of what I experienced has not been allowed for me to recall, but I'm fully aware it is locked within myself.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain

The experience included: A landscape or city

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A green never ending grassy place of rest.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? LOVE, JOY, Oneness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

The experience included: Vision of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I'm not allowed to speak of this, but during deep meditation. I can recall it until I come out of meditation. Then it fades as a mist.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The place of rest. Not yet fully entering perfect union. To do so would have meant no return.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate None active LDS .Attended church as child. Due to predominant culture.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I have searched in vain for religion to answer the most profound of all questions, where did we come from, why we are here and where are we going? No insult intended, but they all fall short of the truth. Having only limited knowledge.

What is your religion now? Moderate 'No longer belong to any religious origination. Search deeply for truth in many religions, but all I have more a system(religious, lacking spiritual depth)'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have searched in vain for religion to answer the most profound of all questions, where did we come from, why we are here and where are we going? No insult intended, but they all fall short of the truth. Having only limited knowledge.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes All spirits living or dead, future and passed was one. All purpose and life as well as our origin, present, passed, future was made known to me.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Nothing to compare it to in this earthly environment. Was so aware of spirit word soon after returning from death. No one saw what I thought was right before our eyes. My mom told me to not speak of it for fear of them putting me back in hospital. I learned to shut it off. Creating a deep inner conflict to become what was expected of the living.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I see, hear them. Not with the eyes or ears now, but in a way I cannot explain.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, but it's the place or time. Not time.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Due to many negative reactions. I do not share them, but with very limited few and even then, only a small part.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real To be out of the body is more real than to be in it. The current vibration we are in is real to our current abilities and senses. We are only limited due to our lack of understanding.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real More real than what I am now in. A three layered body suit of limited knowledge. We are dominated by our bodies and discern what it senses as real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Meditation.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I want to be hypnotized and taken into a deep cohabitation state while being filmed or recorded so as I come out of this state, I can have a record of it, as when I do to myself. I'm unable to recall what was revealed to me. I know it sounds odd that I now want to do this after all these years, but I sense it is now the time.