When it got dark, I felt the body fall away. I hovered near the ceiling and watched my sister and mom place me on a bed. I felt like I was flying upward, and scared I shut my eyes very tightly. I could feel 'spirits' ascending and descending, like on Jacob's ladder in his dream, and some were rising faster or slower. I felt a wind on my cheek, and felt 'lighter'.
I got brave and peeked through eyelashes to see a light growing closer. Not really a tunnel so much as a dark void, not small or confined.
At the bright light, there was an edge, the motion stopped and I reached into the light, my eyes quickly grew accustomed to the brightness and I could see a big long grassy field. Trees grew at the edge in the distance and I could hear water from a running stream. A low cobble-stone wall separated two parts of the field. On my side of the wall was a dirt path and I didn't have to walk along it. I heard children laughing in the distance, and they came into view on the other side of the wall. They were chasing and kicking a ball with dots on it. They were each getting a turn and the 'game' seemed like everyone got to play. I could feel their joy like a physical thing, and it was contagious.
I heard a loving voice inside my head ask me, 'Do you know who these children are?' And suddenly I could say 'yes' because I knew these were kids who had died young - too young. Maybe from accidents, maybe from abortions, or illness, but I knew they were special. They would be young and innocent of the world where I came from. They would not know struggle, fear, or the other hardships that we know, for all eternity, they would be children. Loved, but young. Still, they were having such a good time that I wanted to jump in.
That wish was barely formed when steps appeared on the low wall. I knew I could cross the wall and join them, no questions, no one was left out. As I stepped to the top, a being of light, she/he almost floating in the clouds, appeared in my mind's-eye and told me (in my thoughts), 'It is not your time to cross. If you cross over, you cannot go back.' At that instant another frame came into my mind, my sister was hovering over my body in the bed, crying and praying. She was covering me and begging God to send me back. I could sense and feel her pain, as easily as I could feel the children's joy. I wanted to stay and play, but I did not want her to suffer. I knew the entire family would miss me soooo much if I didn't come back. In my heart I didn't want to give up the lightness, didn't want to go back to the heavy work ahead, wanted to stay and be a child, didn't care, but the being said, 'Thank you for choosing,' and whoosh, I settled back into the body and slowly sat up.
My sister went on about the mirror, how there was no pulse and no vapor on the mirror. My mom and my other sister came in and sat next to us. I described what I had seen. Mom chalked up the 'ball with dots' to be a soccer ball, but I had never seen or heard of a soccer game before. Not even on TV.
Mom said, 'nice dream.' My other sister went back to doing whatever. My older sister and I held each other. I told her, 'I came back so you wouldn't cry.' She held me tighter and then of course we never spoke of it again.
Date NDE Occurred: Spring 1974
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Stubbornly held breath to win a fight, so not an accident... Other I held my breath, sister and mother knew i was unconscious, second sister held a mirror under nose...no vapor, no pulse about 5 minutes
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? It was same level of 'knowing and alertness' at all times. I was just living, breathing like normal. The voices were mostly in my mind, where feelings and knowledge happen. No change from earth to heaven or back and forth from body to spirit.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It was an eternal rhythm, not hurried or rushed, but instant by instant was full and passed as it would on a lazy summer afternoon out in the country, drip by drip. It was not that time was fast or slow, but information, was instantly there, guess if earth is like 'dial up' with snags and delays, heaven would be even faster than cable or DSL.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? The 'Realization' the 'knowing', it was not a 'process' like ears transmitting. It just 'was and is' all at once.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It was dark because I held my eyes shut. Bigger than a subway tunnel, seemed to have no 'Walls' just darkness, and more darkness, limitless?
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw special children; they were playing a game of kickball. Another 'angel' asked me if I knew who and what they were, and gave me the knowledge that the children had died young, illness, accidents or abortions. I also heard the loving voice (not sure who) and had two conversations with it. (About joining in the game, and about my choice to go back or stay.)
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes As I rose higher, I got closer to the 'sunlight' the light wasn't a dot. As I got closer, it eliminated the darkness, the light is hard to describe, if you go out from a dark room on a sunny day, you get kind of 'blinded' by it for a few minutes, it was that kind of brightness, so I didn't see the edge of dark, just saw more and more light.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Saw a "ball playing field" it was outside the "city". heard the River of Life
and saw a few trees that grew beside it as it flowed outward.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Lots. Just hesitant about unknown, joyful, loved, accepted, complete, Peace.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Three years old, too short to review? I did learn not to fear the blackness called 'death.' I learned much, as I glimpsed the children. I did not to feel sorry for those that pass onward. They are living and at real peace. I was eight before I got to read the Bible, but all I learn I know if it is true or not, when it brings love and peace it is the same love and peace from heaven.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I had a few dΘjα-vu events and I had the need to be less stubborn, need to give more than I take, be more obedient, less of a bother.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes At a low cobble-stone wall, I saw steps leading up and over and down the other side. I knew I could climb over it and join the kids playing on the other side. It was a choice, but as I got to the top I was warned, if I went over, I would not be able to come back, ever.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist young, non-religious
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I know heaven exists. I know we cannot earn our way, or buy our way in. I know that we will all be welcomed, so I cannot go to a Baptist church or try to 'evangelize' everyone I meet. I know love and I need to share it.
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Universalist
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know heaven exists. I know we cannot earn our way, or buy our way in. I know that we will all be welcomed, so I cannot go to a Baptist church or try to 'evangelize' everyone I meet. I know love and I need to share it.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes On Earth we struggle to gain acceptance and approval. We want to 'connect' to others. Up there, it is open like a book, nothing hidden. No judgment, no looking down their noses, we just are who we are. Not good and bad or better and worse. We are and it is okay. We want what we want, no guilt.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am more sympathetic, more sensitive. I am accepting, the way the being of light was to me, I want to spread the love and peace and joy I felt, so when I meet someone sad or hut, I want to really lift them up and encourage them
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Empathy, dΘjα-vu (specific conversations and the like).
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Other than right away with my family, it was more than twelve years before I told anyone, and they treated it like a 'fairy-tale' - not that I am insane, but maybe I just had a nice dream.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I walked, heard and saw it, just like life every day. Vivid and real.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I just know, we are more than flesh and bone, and our spirit will go back to the light when it is time.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It is not the only time I have been to heaven, but it is the only time I had to stop breathing to get there. There were times I tried to stop breathing again to go back, but I just don't seem to have that stubborn will power to do that again, strange how at three I was bold and brazen, and at thirty-four timid and meek.