I was without a body as I floated down to a dry cracked lifeless plain that stretched on as far as I could see. The sky overhead was a rumpled grey/black blanket of clouds going on forever overhead into the horizon on all sides. There was no rain, but I could feel it like it was about to. That electric tang in the air and all the light had gone like green glass before a really big thunderstorm. Down on the plain far below, I saw six figures, five dancing around one stationary in the center.
I floated down in an instant, like zipped down with no sense of air whooshing by, just outside this circle of dancers. They were dancing skeletons with rags and shreds of flesh on them. They were menacing a bit at me, but once I caught the eyes of the one in the center, all fear, all doubt dropped away.
This man had blonde hair and blue eyes. He was smiling, no really smirking at me. He seemed like a long lost friend who was going to say 'I told you so,' any minute. He was in plain black from neck to toe - like a turtleneck and plain pants and shoes, but I'm not sure about anything but his face and hands.
The dancers were dancing about him counterclockwise, so they were passing in front of me from left to right. Each one would growl or hiss at me as it passed, but kept on going along with the others.
The one in the center reached out his right hand, palm up to me. All sound stopped. All I cared about were his ironic intense blue eyes, his lopsided smirk, and his hand outstretched for mine. I floated through a gap in the dying dance surrounding him, and I reached out my right hand to his. Then I don't remember anything else; other than a wrenching, soul-crushing despair at being denied the offered bliss.
Date NDE Occurred: 1972?
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes somehow got into my mother's sleeping pills and took enough to cause me to die. But my mother doesn't know how I was able to get into them. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I overdosed on my mom's sleeping pills. I would call that life threatening.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just as I was about to touch the man in the center of the circle. Everything seemed both equally intense and far away. All that mattered was reaching him.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I zoomed down from the sky to the edge of the circle of dancers without feeling any rush of air, no time seemed to pass even though I was way up there.
The moment I was about to reach the man in black seemed hung suspended. Like I knew everything before and after the moment I would touch his hand. And not on a my life flashed before my eyes, but the beginning of the universe, zoomed up to the moment I would touch his hand, and the eternal peace of the release of the storm on the desert, the garden would grow forever beyond the bounds of life.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had no body, but I did seem to have a hand. I can't explain it but I could see everything all around me, above, all around. I could feel the irritation and soullessness of the five bodies around me, they were cranky dumb flesh beings falling apart but never allowed to rest. The one in the center had a hypnotic pull with his eyes; he was mocking me for something. Like I had lost a bet with him. Nothing evil, just like an old friend chiding you for doing something stupid and stubborn, and being warned about it, but doing it anyway.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I remember the guttural raspy sounds the five bone dancers made. Their shuffling feet and jingling of old tarnished jewelry they wore. The puffs of dust they kicked up were musty. The air tasted like lightning.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The five dancers were really cranky and tired. I don't know if they were outside of me or just my five physical senses failing. Like they were the ring keeping me from my own rest and joy.
The man in the center seemed like he was a mentor, he knew everything, and was about to give me that too. I just needed to merge with him.
The experience included: Void
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The air looked like green bottle glass, or like the light under a deep forest on a sunny day, like the light goes green before a big thunderstorm.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No I was about to but was yanked back to life.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Curiosity, then calm recognition of the man in the center, then deep soul-wrenching loss and despair as I was denied reaching him.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate none
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I don't really like life at all. It is like a waiting room, full of misery and sadness and a long march through pain to a usually long agonizingly painful end. Only if we let them go will all spirits find peace.
What is your religion now? Moderate none
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I don't really like life at all. It is like a waiting room, full of misery and sadness and a long march through pain to a usually long agonizingly painful end. Only if we let them go will all spirits find peace.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt an imminent sense of completion if only I could have been able to reach him. I feel only futility, longing, and loss in my life ever since this NDE.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My bullshit meter is twitchy. I tend to disappear, and become withdrawn from everyone if I encounter people that seem mean, spiteful, selfish, greedy, or unaware.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have a hard time communicating the belief that everything was going to be okay, if I had continued on with the experience. I believe I should not have been brought back, that it was a mistake. I have always felt this way.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I am not comfortable talking about this but I have tried to find a path or teachers among Wiccans, Druids, Quakers, and Buddhists. I have dreams that warn me of things to come. I get a 'gut instinct' about things. I don't know where it comes from or how to control/harness this. It is very frustrating and frankly, I've given up on trying to understand it anymore.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I believe we should let people go with love. Don't force them to cling to dead flesh. There is something better 'on the other side'. Let them go.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with my ex-husband (at the time we were engaged I think) when his grandfather died. We were more than a little drunk, and he didn't know what to say about my NDE.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I kept having recurring dreams of it, where I would wake up screaming and crying in despair for what I had lost.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have had dreams of 'black jack rabbit' ever since. He is a shape shifter and always teaching me with irony and sarcasm. Often without words, I just get the meaning from looking in his eyes. But in black, and blue eyes. And rabbits can smirk, by the way.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? People should be allowed to die when they want to, or when it is their time. Doctors and family members should stay out of it, meddling torturers.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Ask if the NDErs like being alive after the NDE. Also actually put a 'none' radio button to press for the religion questions at the top of the page.