I had a somatic aneurysm burst and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance from home. I thought I had the flu, but then I knew it was something worse. I called my husband home. I was sitting in a bamboo chair. The bamboo chair was simple, old but very simple, it had two slats of bamboo on the back and that was it. It was in an open area with a hard white floor. On the right side of the chair was a bluish green cart with wheels. It had a black grip and a no-slip top. On the cart was a film projector, which gave off warmth. It felt very good. The whole area was full of light, white misty clouds like a fog with a bright day sun shining through it. Little fuzzies went through the air, gliding through the light of the film projector. The projector was playing on two screens, one on the left and one on the right. The screens were extra-large, like a drive-in movie theater size.The scene was the same on both screens. It was Sofie's graduation. She had just walked to get her diploma. On the left screen, I was not there. Sofie had tears in her eyes. Johnny's eyes showed that it was not a joyous occasion. Corey looked like he did not know what to do. It was obvious there had been difficulties on the road getting there. But I felt peace. Nothing could describe it: Never needing to take a breath, never feeling any pain, only feeling peace and joy. It was better than the best day ever. I could never explain how this felt. The right screen showed a happy joyous occasion, Sofie was graduating, throwing her hat in the air. Johnny was hugging the whole family. The children are well on their way to a successful life. Corey and I held hands tight we were so happy. But the pain, it was agonizing. I took a breath in but I could not breathe out. I felt as if someone had hit me with 100 sledgehammers. This is how I would live for a period of time, I would have to heal for period of years but, I would know my purpose.Could I endure such pain for my purpose? God would not have been upset with me if I could not; He was giving me the choice. The more time I spent on the left the harder the choice was getting, I needed to get out of the left. I had a choice. It should have been simple, right? I felt the peace I would have if I chose the left. And I felt the pain of choosing the right. I tried to turn around. Was there someone behind me who could give me some advice? I was unable to turn my head around, but felt the presence of hands on my shoulders. I closed my eyes and chose the screen to the right. I gasped, and opened my eyes. I was in the hospital in pain, unbelievable pain. Now I live with pain and new health issues every day. I am embarrassed to say that some days I wonder why I did not make the easy choice. Then I am quickly and easily reminded why by one of my purposes. Right now, I feel worthless, not able to do a lot due to the pain. I do maintain. I struggle daily; it's hard to see most days. Other days it's a little too obvious. Pastor Jim once asked if I was ok. Well, he got the answer. I suppose you're wondering what my purpose is, I struggled with this a lot at the beginning, (cure cancer, save the children, invent something?) before it became clear: My Purpose is to be a wife and mother. Yes, that is my purpose. I am still in pain; I have had an angiogram in Feb 2014 and now am dealing with a tumor on my lung or scar tissue. I have fatigue issues every day. Life is hard but one day it will get better and I will enjoy it again.
Date NDE Occurred: April 2012
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. I did not think it happened. I asked the doctor how close I came to dying. He looked at me and said you did die. Other I did not think it happened. I asked the doctor how close I came to dying. He looked at me and said you did die.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was in and out during the whole time until they put me under for surgery
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the NDE - feelings of the body.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Only the sound of the film projector. I could feel the warmth it gave off as I was sitting next to it.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain .Light was all around like a misty but sunny foggy day.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, calmness also scared, frightened, pain, pity
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future My daughter's graduation with me there and without me there.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian Prior to having children I did not believe.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Overtime - in the past I believed there was nothing the last 10 years I have been a Christian.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I value family more.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I felt the presence of someone and when I tried to turn around I was unable to as if someone was turning my head back then putting their hands on my shoulders.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain A being behind me. Hands on my shoulders would not let me turn around.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain 2 years later and I am still processing.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes But I had to come back to process it and it took time to become clear - what was given to me completely clearly.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was being guided somewhere to a pain free place. There had to be a place...
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I would be dealing with my own pain and health for a very long time.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I was never afraid of living - but now when a doctor sees something or wants to recheck something I freak, not because I might die. I freak over that period of not knowing. My anxiety goes through the roof! I am more cautious. I do not let things wait. I go to doctors; I won't travel anywhere if there is not a major hospital. Maybe I am afraid of dying. I think I am more afraid of being in that much pain again.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I try harder to be patient. Give more compliments. It also changed my family. They all have reacted in different ways.
Son - more loving
Daughter - anxiety
Husband - more responsive
Dad - tries to spend more time with us
Mom - blames herself
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Parts of it were.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I am just mad pain had to come with joy. Joy for me would have been pain for my family.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only a few people, maybe 3 or 4.
6 months after - it was to my pastor so he could help me understand it.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Just that people had them. They got to talk to past relatives and got sent back.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I was in too much pain to do anything
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Just that it really happened.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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