My near death experience, which I believe occurred on August 11th, and the place I went are ever-present in my consciousness.
I was out in the universe with the stars as close as the ceiling in my house. The mood here was the greatest peace, calm, and serenity that I had ever felt. I was seated before the most beautifully lit presence of energy. It seemed to emanate the greatest divine love. It came out, surrounded, and became a part of me and I became a part of this presence. Our consciousness felt as one and yet I still owned my own consciousness. I felt like I was seated and I have racked my brain trying to figure out what I was seated on. My conclusion was there was no couch, no chair, no body, no flesh; it was pure consciousness. I remember whining about how I did not want to return; I did not want to leave the presence. The big thing was that I did not want to come back if I had to be in a wheelchair. I did not want to come back if I could not speak. Ultimately, I did not want to return and knew the choice was mine.
I have a sense that I saw and did a lot more in this place, yet I have no memory of it. Dr. Maryanne, hired by a friend during my coma, came and told my family that I had crossed over to the other side and that she felt that I really liked it there, was visiting with a lot of people, and did not want to return. I believe that I did not remember the rest of my heavenly experience and interactions because if I had I would have had a harder time returning to my life here. My friend again hired Dr. Maryanne after my coma, while I was recovering, to assist with shoulder problems. While she was working on my shoulder one day she asked me what religion I was to which I replied Catholic. She told me, 'good, that makes this a lot easier. Mother Mary has just come to me twice. She wants me to tell you that she is with you and that you will get well, but you have to be patient; it's going to take time.'
During the time of my coma, I also had several different consciousness experiences. I will briefly describe them here. A friend, Lynn, came to visit me while I was in the induced coma. Lynn, a PhD mathematician, had just returned from China for a work trip. Lynn talked to me, telling me all about her trip. She returned some months later when I was in recovery and no longer in the coma. She said, 'let me tell you all about my trip to China.' I replied to her that she had already told me about the trip to China (at this time I had no idea that it was while I was in the coma). I proceeded to tell her details about her trip such as the cabby that screwed them over, the extra night they had to spend, etc. Lynn was floored and told me that she had told me that while I was in the coma. I replied, 'No, I must have been cutting your hair or something.' I believed that because, at that point, I had no memory of the coma. Lynn said, 'This just proves that people in comas can hear you when you speak to them.'
Another experience while recuperating involved a little girl that stayed up above my bed in the hospital. She would float just above the end of my bed, near the ceiling. She was a young girl around the age of seven or eight years old. She had a pixie haircut. She always had a look of intensity in her face and eyes. She never smiled or spoke a word. She just stared at me. I had a sense that I knew her but I could not figure out who she was. I believe that she was my guardian angel watching over me. When I went to the hospital, she remained with me for about two weeks and then she was gone. I was telling my cousin about this little girl and she asked me if it could have been my godchild. She had died at the age of fourteen from a brain tumor. I asked the girl's mother if she had had a pixie haircut at around seven or eight. It turns out that she indeed did, which only solidifies my belief that this was my godchild, Trista France, coming to me as my guardian angel.
Right before what would be my last surgery, I had a dream that felt as if I were in a different consciousness. This consciousness felt a lot like my heavenly experience. A male voice called my name and told me that I had one more hump to go over and then I would have the life I always dreamed of. I was sure this voice was God because of the similarities in consciousness to my main experience. I was looking forward to this surgery because I had previously been home for four months with small bowel liquid leaking from my fistula to outside of my body. Dr. had said he was not looking forward to operating on me and he was sure I was not looking forward to it either. However, I had felt reassured, like this surgery was going to be a piece of cake because God had spoken to me. When I awoke to find an eight-inch incision and a wound vac attached, I was shocked. Then I reminded myself that God had said, 'one more hump.' My last experience occurred after I had returned home, after the surgeries. A friend named Pat returned some books to me one day. She was unaware that I had been sick. As she was talking to me she told me that Mother Mary and the Blue Army was all around me and that Mary wanted me to know that I was healed but that I was going to have to be patient because it would take time to regain my strength.
Date NDE Occurred: 'August 11th, 2007'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-relatedAllergic reaction Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
On the morning of July 26th, 2007, I had complete organ shutdown (kidneys and liver failed, lungs filled with fluid) due to the necrotic pancreatitis caused by the doxycycline. My husband overheard the ICU nurse say, 'She is dying right before our eyes and there is nothing we can do.' On August 11, breathing functions were inadequate and labored despite maximum oxygen being pumped into my lungs (15%). I then aspirated and my lungs filled with vomit and my body went into a hypoxic state. My heart was pumping erratically on one side and too slow on one side. My husband says that, at this point, doctors had to revive me. My doctor, a man with 17 years of experience, later told me that he had never seen someone with necrotic pancreatitis as bad as mine survive.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal There were no human conditions attached to me while I was there. Therefore, I had no desires of the flesh, no commentaries to myself, no worries. There was only peace, calm, and serenity. There was only the beautiful lighting. This all brought on a sense of freedom that allowed me to be fully present in my consciousness of this moment.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The entire time that I was in Heaven during my main experience, my consciousness was at the keenest it has ever been. And I don't feel that it will be until I return there.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time stopped and lost all meaning.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience, my vision was heightened. I also feel though that after having my experience, my everyday vision is above what it used to be. I feel that I see everything in life more clearly.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no hearing during my experience; anything that I was 'told' or 'said' occurred as thought that became knowledge in my consciousness.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes When I first woke up I told my husband that I was in this place and I was in awe of the lighting. It was like looking at Christmas tree lighting, but not. It was bright yet soft. The light was illuminating in nature, like a Christmas tree light. It was pure love.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I felt as if I were out in the universe with a freedom that I don't know how to explain. I encountered the lighted presence which I believe to be God.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt calm, peace, serenity, content, divine love, etc.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I knew the choice was mine; it's a knowing without a knowing. I have speculated that my daughter's state of being (she was going through incredible difficulties including rape, and thoughts of suicide at my death) had been shown to me and would have brought me back even faster. I believe it was a factor in me coming back at all.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Buddhist I had a belief in God and I believed that God was love, but this belief lived beside me instead of inside me.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes My beliefs went from living beside me to living inside me. I am now one with my religious beliefs.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic I believe that our solar system is in an evolutionary process and so are we as a human species. We all share a oneness with what science calls the "unified field" and with what I call the amazing, divine love that is God.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I feel that the content was consistent with my beliefs at the time, but that I also learned new things. My beliefs shifted from living beside me to living inside of and being a part of me.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now believe that we are all one; that there is a universal union.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered a lighted presence that I described to my husband as, 'take an eight foot lighted Christmas tree. Now take away the green and fill this space with the haze that comes off of a candle.' I believe that this was God, a divine love emanating from this lighted energy.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain While I did not experience any specific thing that would indicate that we have a life prior to this one, I do believe now that we have a choice to enter or re-enter life if we chose, as different people. I experienced being in complete oneness with God du
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I believe we are all a part of the whole. I experienced a oneness with God and the universe.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I experienced what science calls the "unified field" and what I call God. I believe that I was in the presence of God (the lighted energy of divne love that I encountered).
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No The special knowledge that I know is that energy follows thought and we live in a very energetic world. We share a oneness with this energy.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I gained the knowledge of the evolutionary process of divine love and furthering it.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I know there is life after death and I believe this is an eternal state of consciousness. I believe that what I experienced (the unearthly light, sense of pure freedom, and divine love) is the state of consciousness that we all go to when we leave these f
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes We are here to grow love. When you are thankful for everything you grow love in your heart which is the same as growing God. I think that we put up morphagenetic fields in our universe through our conscious thought. So I now believe that prayer is the most powerful tool in the universe.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Yes, love was the most powerful, permeating feeling. I feel that I learned that love is everything; the oneness that binds us all together. If you have this then you are very thankful, whole, and living in gratitude with peace. God is in every one of us a
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I feel that I am supposed to share all that I have learned with young people. I am not sure exactly how I am to share this. I am hoping for divine guidance.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I feel a oneness with everyone that I meet and I am able to see God in them.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It has been five years and I am just now able to express my thoughts on the matter more clearly
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience My experience is permanently embedded in my mind. I believe meditation to be a doorway to heavenly consciousness. During my meditative states, I am able to feel moments, fleeting moments, of this state of consciousness.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I receive messages for people from God. I have also encountered Mother Mary in my own consciousness.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole thing was meaningful. It changed my life and my family's life. I am told by friends that I am a walking miracle, yet I do not really feel like one.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I started to share my experience right away with my family and close friends. They were supportive, intrigued, etc. While in the hospital, a couple of friends would come to my room and do centering prayers with me. One of the nurses told me that she liked to come in the room right afterward because she could feel the power of the prayer.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real While I felt that the experience was definitely real, I did not think a lot about it because I was trying to live in the present moment. I was completely focused on surviving each day, one day at a time. My main thought was that today was all I have to get through.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I believe that I am very fortunate to have experienced and learned what I did. It will always be real to me; it is a knowing without a knowing.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Centering prayer can reproduce it; but only for fleeting moments. God has told me that he wants to heal people through me. In order to do this, I must go to that level of consciousness that I experienced in Heaven. However, I have only been able to do so for these fleeting moments.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It is the greatest experience of my life.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? There are no other questions.