The most recent NDE occurred in the emergency room. I do not remember being resuscitated. I remember suddenly being completely free of pain. I knew at that point that I was dying, because I have been in constant systemic pain for nine years. The strangeness of the lack of pain was terrifying at the time. My body then became very weak and I was unable to hold myself in the reclining position on the hospital bed. I began sliding down and to the right, and as the weakness progressed, the light in the room became like static and steadily brightened. The voices of the nurses sounded further and further away, but I could see them running around and yelling as more doctors and nurses entered the room. They must have been working on my body, but I could not feel anything but a general weakness and tingling all over.
The light in the room became so bright that everything in my visual perception turned into bright white light. Then I was inside the light and I became part of the light. I neither felt, nor saw any physical form, but remained in my individual consciousness. A formless presence from inside the light told me without words that I needed to live. I refused them because I did not want to return to a life and body filled with constant pain. They told me that they needed me to live, and I told them that I needed to be with them. The light felt like a transitory place between earth and the next place, and I wanted to move on to the next place rather than going back. They expressed that I had an important purpose to fulfill for the Earth that was vital to the divine plan for our world. I did not care at the time, and still wanted to move on. Then they showed me an image of my young daughter, insisting that my return was vital to her growth, and I felt the desperate despair she would experience for many years if I did not return. I then agreed to return. They instructed me how to bring myself back. Instead of being enveloped by the light, I was to envelop the light within myself and use its power to re-manifest and strengthen my physical being. I concentrated on the light, pulled it in to myself. It became smaller and more condensed, devolving again into bright static, revealing the hospital room.
Slowly, I gained the strength to move and lifted myself to a sitting position with my legs crossed on the bed. The nurses watched with disbelief. The machines were beeping loudly, displaying the rhythms of an active stroke, yet I was sitting up peacefully. I will not write what happened afterwards except to say that unusual occurrences began and the reactions of the doctors were very intrusive and destructive to my family and myself. This is why I require anonymity.
Date NDE Occurred: '5/07, 4/07, 4/99, 4/98, ?/82'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Severe adverse reactions to medical treatment for chronic illness. Other ER resuscitation during cessation of breathing possibly prevented clinical death.
Went through dying process that day, the week before, and the week after. I guess I wasn't meant to go yet.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in the process of trying to emerge from the transitory state.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Anesthesia before and after the event. Lost time. Time slowed and speeded at different times in weeks following.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I understood the nature, meaning, purpose, and power of colors. My vision went from nearsighted to better than 20/20.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hear frequencies of sound and electricity that others do not. Also developed epilepsy with seizures triggered by specific sounds.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Conversed without words or sight with a benevolent being made up of multiple conscious nesses.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Bright, white, purity, with voluminous love and universal consciousness contained within.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Transitory state. Gained knowledge of levels and dimensions of specific colors.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear at first, then intrigue, then profound universal love. Filled with this love feeling for weeks afterward.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Extreme clairvoyance for several weeks. Lessened greatly but continues.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Cannot disclose.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'Lifetime of experiences have drastically changed/evolved spiritual nature. No commitment to specific religion since age ten. NDE of 2007, both highly spiritual and rationally skeptical. All and no religions.'
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Proof of faith.
What is your religion now? Liberal 'Strongly spiritual due to continuing communication with the Divine. Also doubtful, considering the possibility of delusional disorder. Hope the first is true, but I am very unsupported by my surrounding community (bible belt).'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Proof of faith.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes See description.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Most do not believe or support me, even my dearest loved ones.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Could easily express it to supportive listeners, but have been repeatedly silenced, ignored, and even threatened into silence. I will discuss this further with your researchers, but please do not publish anywhere, including on the website, without my permission.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Extreme occurrences of all.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Continues to be the most inexplicable and one of the most important occurrences of my life. I am unfortunately obsessed with trying to regain lost memories from the following week.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes At least three prior NDEs, beginning in early childhood.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was in it and could not come out until forced out by disbelievers.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I realize I could be completely crazy. In this case, it would be the simplest and safest explanation.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Feelings and abilities re-emerge from time to time.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? If you only knew.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? NDE