After gurgling on the blood in my throat, I looked to the right, and the night sky opened up for me. I was transported into a peaceful, white light that made me feel like I was going home after a deployment. I saw images of my life all around me. When I was on the other side of the light, I saw such beauty. There were gardens upon gardens of colorful flowers, and the sky was white. I saw a person who led me further inside while saying to me, 'It is not your time; you have work left to do.' She said that I would survive what was happening. I will have babies and a new husband who would love me unconditionally. I questioned her about my having babies. Then I asked if I was supposed to be working as a massage therapist, which was my job at the time. She told me, 'No, you are supposed to be 'blank' (I can't remember). Then I asked, 'What is that?' She said, 'You'll know it when you're ready.' Then she told me that I was supposed to write. I told her, 'I'm not that creative.' She told me, 'You'll find it.' I was then led by the hand and asked if I wanted to meet Jesus. I asked, 'Am I worthy enough?' She took me by the hand and led me to him. I was bathed in the light that was radiating from his body. The next thing I saw was my estranged husband trying to snap my neck.
Date NDE Occurred: 10/20/1998
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
I could not breathe due to blood in my throat and a pinched nose. One of my lungs collapsed, and the other had a slow leak, losing blood due to 25 stab wounds.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Once I passed though the light that drew me there, time stopped. The colors were vivid. You had no cares no worries.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I felt as though I were there for a very long time, like hours. However, when I came back, it was like it never happened, because I was in the same place and same time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I never saw beauty in that kind of color spectrum before. It was almost like a fog had lifted.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember a change in hearing.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I was pulled in by a light, but it was like the sky opened up and I was pulled though a time warp or wormhole or dimension.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a white, peaceful, loving home.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The sky opened up, and I was pulled though a time warp, dimension, or wormhole by the white light. Seeing the other side of the light, I know it was not Earth.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, love, joy, sadness, scared, awe, inspired, relief.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I would say that everything past and present became clear as though someone flipped on a switch. After I came back, it took a while from me to realize how to engage the switch that was turned on.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I didn't go to church at the time but was confirmed and baptized methodist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I seek knowledge, and through knowledge, we gain enlightenment.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age I think I am more essict cause I think everyone can go to heaven by gaining knowledge though enlightenment and truth. I think God is the father to us all and we don't need a church to pray.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I knew about the light that guides you I knew someone waits for you when you arrive I knew it was suppose to be beautiful But I believe you are shown your version of what "heaven" is to you
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that it doesn't matter what you believe, it's just that you believe in something. I think organized religion is a joke and hypocritical. I believe that God exists in beauty, i.e. us and nature. The bible is a bunch of parables to base your life around. It is not a book that magically fell from the sky. I think that Satan is misunderstood and is used as a scapegoat. Most of all, Jesus was a revolutionary. Judas was betrayed by the high priests, and Jesus wanted to be the martyr.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I did not recognize who it was that guided me, but I knew it was safe to go with her.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I was asked if I wanted to see Jesus although I didn't see him I was bathed in the beautiful white light that surrounded him.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes It felt like we are all one
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I saw jesus
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was given bits of knowledge about my future life and the job I was to do although I can't remember it. I was to start writing. I was going to have babies, and I will meet my husband who will love me unconditionally.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I was told what I was suppose to do with my life and that I'll find my creativity
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was transported to an unearthly place and seeing that is knowledge that there is life after death
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I love more deeply, and I have a better empathy with those I love.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The light that drew me there was hard to put into words. There is no word to describe the light except that it must be like the feeling you get after returning home from a long deployment. I don't know what that feels like, but I would assume that you're excited, scared, happy, and at peace.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember everything about that attach the dci people that took my statement were shocked about what I did remember and how it lined up with what they already knew. When I went to trial on the witness stand I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder and the knowledge of everything was alright I was not afraid or anxious anymore after that
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I want to say the experience as a whole was.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I'm just now able to discuss it, but only with people I know will believe me.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes There was one book that I heard about in the '80's. I'm not sure the name of it, but she toured and shared her NDE with a lot of people.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it was more than a dream. I felt it was real.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I felt a hand on my shoulder when I had to testify against my ex-husband. It was just that reassuring presence.
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