Experience Description

I arrived home and found my partner dead. We were so close, like one (and we still are.) We had been together for only eight months. For ten days, I could not sleep or eat. I could not handle so much pain and decided to commit suicide. I went to the doctor and got a prescription for enough sleeping pills to last for six months. Then I took it to six different pharmacies, got many more pills, and some anti-emetics [drugs that help prevent vomiting and nausea] so I would not fail.

I swallowed all the pills. Two days later, I was found at home not breathing. The medication I had taken was not in my blood anymore and now the problem was pneumonia (a common lung infection caused by bacteria, a virus, or fungi]. I remember the paramedics arriving and performing a tracheotomy, [an incision in the front of the neck into the trachea allowing a tube to be inserted so that I could breathe) and taking me to the hospital.

I remember my parents, during their many visits to the intensive care unit, talking about whether I would be cremated or buried. I was angry and didn't want to come back. I was at peace in the light and I would only come back here occasionally to see how things were going.

I hadn't seen any tunnel or barrier this time but went straight to the light and what I call the 'all-or-nothing.' I never actually 'saw' anyone because people didn't have bodies or shapes. Everything there was the same as it had been the other times I had been there.

I realized that as much as I tried to commit suicide, I would never be allowed death. I was told that I had the option to come back or to stay, and I did what I always do when someone asks me something nicely, I complied and agreed to come back. I felt myself reentering my body and I woke up. It seemed to me that only one or two days had passed, but actually I was out for almost a month (twenty-two days, I think it was.)

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2004

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' I had pneumonia in both lungs, breathing cessation, and deep coma with few possibilities of survival or recuperation.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time, I believe.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time is not the same here as it is there. Here there are days, but there a number of days might be experienced in an instant.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was sharper.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Sound was part of everything, both there and here. I could hear everything I wanted to, as if it only took one thought to hear, feel, see or smell what I had directed my attention to.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Not this time.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain Yes and no. See above.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was warm, cozy, brilliant, and different from the light we see on earth.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Só estive em casa

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Total peace.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control If there was, I didn't consider it important enough to make note of it.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future This is something I was able to do before this experience.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'Nunca tive lideres, crenças religiosas nem grandes apegos'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Such as 'a broken china dish is not the same as a whole one'.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Only someone who has been there can understand what I experienced. The words we have are not sufficient to describe it. The senses we use to experience our lives that we do have words for don't correspond to what it's like there. To say things like 'everything and nothing are the same thing' or 'we are part of the light' or 'time there is not the same as it is here' don't make sense to us. To be able to understand, one must have been there.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain It has accentuated some characteristics that I already had.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Coming home.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain Less than I am sharing here on this site. It is difficult to talk to people about this.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? You could ask if people have had previous experiences of an NDE because in my case it was the third time. The first time, I was run over by a car. I did go through the tunnel. The second time, I reached the barrier and came back. (PCR due to an injection allergy.) Curiously, only after this third time did I finally realize that these events were 'near death experiences' so I came to this website to do some research. There must be more people that have had this happened to them more than once.