I was 11 years old and was suffering from severe anxiety and depression. I was seeing a counselor and on the antidepressant Imipramine. I know two things about what happened before the attempt. I had a doctor's appointment and I had a fight with my mom. The rest is foggy to me. I know that I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water to take the pills with. I shut and locked my door and started taking the pills. They were very small and I took around 100 pills. My mom was banging on my door because it was time to go to the doctor. I remember telling her it didn't matter because I took a bunch of pills. She said she was going to call 911 if I didn't open the door. I then told her I didn't take the pills and we could go to the doctor.
We lived about 5 minutes from the doctor's office, and by the time we got there, I was feeling very sleepy and sick. My mom knew then that I had taken the pills. She kept asking me how much I took and I kept lying, saying I didn't take any. I told her I was going to throw up and I needed to go to the bathroom. I went into the bathroom at my doctor's office and sat down by the toilet.
I then had what I call an NDE. I suddenly felt like I was really small and looking down at myself on the floor. Everything was dark around me and I felt very very alone. I felt very sad for the person on the floor (I didn't really associate that person with myself). I felt a sense of never ending aloneness. That is the last thing I remember until I was in the ER getting my stomach pumped. I don't remember getting to the hospital or anything else. I was put in the psychiatric ward for a week and have struggled with depression and anxiety until this very day.
Date NDE Occurred: Summer of 1994
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Suicide attempt Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was aware during the whole experience but it didn't feel like it lasted long.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Never ending aloneness.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I felt like I was in the corner of the bathroom, but far above.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I experienced no sound.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Alone, sad and empty.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Christian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate Christian
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The aloneness is the most significant part to me.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I spoke about my experience about 12 years after it took place.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No