I was trying to tell the nurse that I couldn't breathe but, I couldn't speak. Everything went black and I could feel myself drifting away, like a sinking feeling almost. I heard a voice say, 'We're losing her.' Then there was a sound almost like static on a TV with no reception. I found myself looking down at all the commotion. It seemed like I was about ten feet above myself. I could see the doctors and nurses hooking me up to monitors and working on me. All in a frenzy.
I began being drawn further up, until everything was black again. I found myself in a standing position; however, it was more like floating. I could feel someone next to me. I didn't have to see them, they were there to guide me, and did so. I turned around and saw a light in the distance. I was unsure of where we were going but my guide was there and they comforted me. We began going toward the light, at first I thought we were going through a tunnel, but I began looking around and I saw silhouettes of people. It was pitch black and the silhouettes were of a bright purple. I thought look at all these people, too many to give an estimate. I turned forward again my guide and I traveled closer to the light, which was bigger and brighter than ever.
We soon reached a point where we stopped. My guide stood next to me. This light was brighter than the sun. A wonderful glowing luminous white light. I stood there with a feeling, and the best way I can describe it is, the gut feeling you have when you are scared, but knowing you are not. I felt scared without being scared or afraid. I was calm. I knew that if I walked through the light I would have the answers to everything I ever wanted to know. This light was love, life, and serenity I could feel all this. I never heard a word spoken. You could feel what you needed to know, and what was being communicated to you. It was with feelings, not words. I had my choice. Without words I decided, I had a six month old baby I couldn't leave. I woke up a couple of days later in the intensive care unit.
Date NDE Occurred: Feb. 5, 1990
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) . I had taken a bottle of muscle relaxants.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was high enough that I could feel things not said by words, not felt by skin, it flowed through me, the core of me.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Standing in front of the light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no time. To this day I don't even know how long I was in the hospital.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? Colors were very bright. It seemed like I could see very long distances.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I could hear inside me. There were no sounds and no speaking. I felt everything.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain At first I thought it was a tunnel but I think it was figures of souls around me.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They were everywhere as far as I could see. I didn't know them, they were watching me. I never saw any faces. I could stay and have knowledge of anything. I could be in peace and love for eternity.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Brighter than anything man will ever see. White glowing luminous.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, love, fear of not knowing, but assured as well, I felt like a child
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Sometimes I have dreams that come true. Sometimes images pop into my mind, and sometimes I feel very strong things from people like how they really are inside, when they are lying to me.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I had the option of knowing anything I wanted.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Finding the right words to describe things. It is hard to give people a sense of what I felt.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes It is just that I can get a sense of what they are, or how they are feeling inside, I can't describe it. Sometimes I feel like there are spirits around me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Making a choice to come back. I wanted to stay but I could not leave my baby.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Years. I think they were in wonder.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I kept going over it, in my mind, I view it as real, I felt it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It is still the same. I remember it just as I did then. Nothing has changed; it's the same as it was back then.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Since this experience, sometimes I dream that Jesus is telling me it's my time to go, but I always stay because of my kids, I won't leave them.