My platoon had just completed the crucible, our final trial comprising over 150 miles of humping with 75lb packs on our backs. As our battalions for 2nd battalion were arranged around the Iwo Jima memorial, awaiting the Eagle, Globe and Anchor [EGA] to signify our graduation from recruit to Marine, a disease was eating my flesh.
When my company lead officer set that EGA into my palm, white light washed over me, I saw battles and blood, and the next time I awoke I was on a helicopter being med-evaced to the Medical University of South Carolina for treatment of my disease." "The nurse had just pushed a catheter into me, people were frantic, and I was dying. I knew it. I had just gotten off the phone with my mother and father after not hearing their voices for over 3 months, while going through boot camp. I tried to pull the catheter out and the nurse screamed, ‘No! We're trying to save your life.’ I knew things were serious. Waves of heat were pouring from my body one moment, the next, there was ice flowing through my veins. I couldn't keep it together, I was spastic and contorting, and all the while people were spinning uncontrollably around me. I was rushed into a surgery room with a theatre above me. There were many people watching me but all I could see was the gleam of a metal table in front of me. I was moved gently to the table, realizing I was part of a very sophisticated ritual. The table was a single piece, no wider than my body. Metal arms were put under each side of the rectangle table to support my arms. I was stretched out with arms to the sides.
As I began leaving my body, I could see myself from above. I looked like a crucifixion lying there, and then things, all things, time, space, the things man had thrown into space; all became dust to the wind I rode upon now. I was beyond the trinkets man had thrown into space and I was moving! It was too fast, my time was cut short, and emotions I had thought were bound only to flesh, became punishment for the trials I had failed. The shame of that, which had made me, as it touched me but not a violation, interpreted the anger and the pain of a vessel lost. I was there for years, alone in that place, with nothing but the memories of life to tide me over. Whatever the place was, it was the most unimaginable place I had ever witnessed, even though, a vacant form. I heard words in different orders, thoughts became imaginings and imaginings became manifestations.
I used the things he or it gave me in that place and they were things, most forget to use, when they are bound. I was only a mind in that world, but a mind that could manifest desire. There were places I couldn't go, places that needed form to witness and the cosmos was the playground. As the breath of all that is here, became the breath I now used. I knew I was stuck somewhere in-between the here and the there. I still find it hard, almost 15 years later, to know the words to describe the experience and I realize now I am still at a loss.
Becoming everything and nothing, the duality of what we fail to see we are, was all that seemed to occupy my mind. All the fallacies of life and the indoctrinations used to manipulate the spirit that controls the body: it was too much to know. After years of solitude, alone with this mind in a space too far away from here to even comprehend, I heard tones, resonances. It is a sound too familiar; one of dawn like the rush of protons dancing across the lens of a planet; and the song healed whatever was broken inside of me. I was awash once more within pure emotion as the tides of eternity moved my mind back to what I was before.
From peace, from solitude in the oceans of the creator’s mind, I was pushed back into life I became then. Screams resounded in my flesh, echoes through the spaces in between what I was to what I had become. From 160lbs, 2% body fat, I reclaimed a destroyed vessel. My new form weighed 96lbs of nothing but bone and flesh. My mind remained, all those years alone with nothing but the resonance of creation drumming in my mind. I was altered from all that I knew before.
Date NDE Occurred: 'December 4, 1999'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Illness Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I experienced truth, the knowledge of it all. It was all laid bare, split right down the middle, and I probed every incessant part of it for those years I spent in that timeless place. History ‘his story’ the story as the victor would tell it. I learned who the real heroes of history were: The people who came before, who were there during the trials of humans experiences. Everything we see in the cosmos is a record of the past, an eternal recording of the deeds of the creator’s creations locked into space on the galactic hard drive that is the universe. Planets and galaxies, too far away to get to, hold the information of our lives and you cannot lie to the creator. We exist within his/its mind, we all do, and none of our transgressions is ever kept secret. The 'recorder' that is the universe. It's not just a recorder; it's a manifestor. A person can see when they pass, if they've lived right, kind and just.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I returned from wherever I was, deep in the mind that is the cosmos. We are all just imaginings in the mind that creates everything, even the source of our thoughts. All this time I thought my thoughts were my own. How easily deceived we are, by our very creator. It is not a he; it is not a she. It is EVERYTHING. We and everything here, is a piece of that everything. Whatever was done to me while I was gone, it didn't go away when I came back.
There are things I know about people, things I say to people now, that I cannot recall. People I met years ago come up to me now and say, ‘I took your advice; it has worked out exactly like you said it would.’ I'm left scratching my head wondering who that person was and what I said to them. I don't feel like I am the one controlling me entirely anymore. A frequency was put into me, a resonance, and I can't help but vibrate at that resonance now.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was there for years, a long, long time. When I returned it was only a day I was unconscious for, but the memory of those years persist even to this day, with clarity that is well above HD.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Something was left over, something was altered, refined, and visions of my ancestors still fill my dreams. My great grandmother was Native American, 100% Blackfoot Indian. I keep having the same dream of tear stained faces of those ancestors standing defiantly somewhere out west, Wyoming or South Dakota. I keep feeling its South Dakota, Custer State National Park. I don't recall any experiences before boot camp, not as my own, in any sense of the word. I remember the screaming, the yelling and the running of boot camp: always running, always screaming, and then life. I remember being reborn, starting over, learning to walk again. I remember learning to see, to breathe and to smell once more, and every one of those experiences remains vivid in my mind. To wake up already grown for the first time, with no memory of all that came before: life is miraculous.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was able to tune things out before, to sit back and remain a vigil to the progression of life around me. I don't feel that way anymore. I hear frequencies, resonances and tones. I know when the moon is going to rise, I can hear it, and it makes such beautiful bell sounds does it not? The sun has its own sound that is easy to pick out and it wakes me up an hour and a half before it comes up, every day. I hear the frequencies of people now, the 'vibe' I guess you could call it. I can tell if somebody is out of tune but I know it's not my responsibility to tell them, though. As it told me, gifts are not to be squandered and to be Godlike; one has to know that God strums the most instrumental of the strings in this world. There is a tremendous amount of pain associated with feeling and hearing these frequencies as well, because there are man-made frequency generators that compete and interfere on purpose with the frequencies of the creator. I know that man does not want people vibrating in these ethereal realms, for, if people were to become aware...
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It wasn't a tunnel, it was a bridge of some sort. It took what I was from here to there; imagine looking out upon a range of mountains and imagine those mountains moving to come to you, now, imagine the entirety of space coalescing into that brief moment scientist call the big bang and that's what it was like.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain There were no beings, no prophets, no others that I could see. I knew there were others looking at me, watching me, but it was with indifference and reservation, as if I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be yet, but I was here for a very specific reason. When I did begin thinking about God, about the creator and about the bible, I did hear a voice, it said, ‘that book, all books, are not his/its’. He said his words don't come from books but from existence within the moments of life. Every time I thought about the bible, the same words came to me: ‘not mine’.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The mind can squint at certain thoughts, how does one describe all the light in the universe becoming directed at you?
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was the space in between that I went into, I'm sure of it now. Somewhere between here and there but so far away from here it might as well have been the distance between me and the dream.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? All of them. If you think that the body can feel emotions, just wait until you realize that all emotions are of the spirit: the body only reacts to the possession.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe It is all clear now, the passage from here to there, the time from cradle to the grave. No matter the path through life, one takes, the destination for everyone is the same. We manifest our own thoughts, our own realities and we delve into worlds within worlds all the while others raise their fences. Though, the path to get from here to there has many divergences, indeed, and the unending truths about how to get there remain forever laws of the universe. Laws people aren't aware of, but restrict them just the same.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I can't say if it is me, if it's I in that family. I had visions of entering a home in the mountains, with two children inside playing and a woman in the kitchen. I wasn't seen but the people there knew I was there. They were telling me to leave the way I came, to get out, but eye contact was never made and they moved all over the room as if I was causing pain by my presence. When I went to open the door outside, cold, ice screamed in through the doorway, it was whiteout conditions outside, and I plunged through the doorway hearing the door slam shut behind me. I'm instantly in another home in the mountains, inside a house that has windows covering the entire walls all the way around so that whoever is inside can see the forest that surrounds me. I'm old, so very old with an old woman sitting next to me. A little girl next to me can't possibly be my child for the age she is at and my age. I'm looking across my hill over to the next one. There is a house on that hill too, with windows only on one side of it, the side facing me. I can see the guy inside raging, angry and saying something about my blood. The child looks up at me, says something about me being a certain way even without the injections, and the older woman shushes her.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes To be everything, to be nothing, to manifest your desire by thought alone, and the ability to comprehend without witness: how do you limit your imagination?
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist I never believed in a creator or "God". I had only attended church a few times and I often scoffed that I was the creator of my life...I was so very wrong.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I realize now that all religions started as a great way to commune with the creator. Unfortunately, the divisive forces that divide people through football and branding use religions to divide people as well. God is something that is all of us, the creator imagined every one of us, in all our different shapes and sizes and gives all of us a path to walk to, reaching what we are to become.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Native American religion I cannot abide any religions that adorn the face of our planet that has gathering houses. God, or the creator, has SHOWN me that those houses are for the abused and those who need solace for living unkind and self serving existences. Those who have travelled beyond the veil know that the creator of it all is something we reside WITHIN and there is no reason to think that some ground is more sanctified than others, the creator is everything, just as we are a part of that everything.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience He said it was not "his book". This led me to investigate bibles around the world. All books have been created from the mind of man attempting to comprehend the resonance of the creator in verbal form. Our creator is not verbal, he/it/she is intrinsic to existence, those books are not. Tribes in remote rain forests around the globe have a belief in the creator and they never even held one of those books, let alone have the knowledge to read it, yet they believe in the God. Those books were written to teach people to be moral and submissive so that people could be better controlled by the kings of those era's. The creator is so much more than words scribbled by the hand of man and if you could only find yourself in his garden you would know, those books were written to control.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I was very self-serving. I was derogatory towards people I thought were different from myself. I was a bit racist. I was stereotypical and judgmental. I had the absurd notion that I could change people and that if I cared enough they could see life the way I do. It was wrong to force somebody to see another's interpretation of existence. We all have a path to walk and at the end of it is the greatest treasure. The more pain we alleviate or create from those who pass, your path alters a course you have yet to see.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin It didn't speak, but I knew what it said. It never manifested form because we exist within its form, whatever it is. ‘The entirety of everything in your world, in my world, is nothing.’
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain Names, as it told me, are abstract ideas that distract from the realities that covet humanity. It matters not who said what, it only matters that it was said. "His story" was a phrase I heard over and over again followed by the emotion of betrayal and c
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain If I was not there then, then why do I recall then? The cosmos, the galactic disk...the universal hard drive...our past is all around us, it's the mind of the man to take the time and realize that humans are a continuation. The human factory was not clo
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Is it still mystical if it is understood?
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Oh yes, the Creator exists and we exist within the creator, not by the hand of the creator. We are a thought, a notion of creation, and that thought is heavy in the mind of our Creator.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I would be a fool.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Life's purpose, why, it's disturbingly obvious. We will evolve when we see each other for the culmination of virtue over possessions. We have done this in our past, reached the point of progress where the mind of man was satiated, where mankind was at c
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes We are more than just our bodies.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I was there for years, I was given the gift of patience, wisdom and insight. I would be a fool to reveal everything that transpired.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes There are no difficulties, challenges or hardships in life, life is about living, not about interpreting the hills to get to the mountain. We were meant to walk a walk, it's in our design. For those who find wisdom beneath trudging feet, they know this
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It's the most important aspect of existence. Those who walk this world, seeing now love in all the has been created for us to cherish, the woods and the waters, the winds and the wonders...we are built in a way that forces us to explore, that encourages
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. Knowing that everything we do is catalogued, everything will be re-lived when you pass; you will see your greatest moments and your worst ones. I re-lived every lie and the pain associated with that lie. You will recall every painful moment you caused another and you will experience what they experienced. If we killed many animals, even for survival, we will experience every one of those deaths. Our conduct during those events will directly affect how much pain we experience. I saw my transgressions laid bare and had to answer to what I was thinking when I did that to who created me and gave me free will. We are within the mind of the creator and what we do to his creations: we do to him/it/she as well.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I have a tendency to break other people out of their delusional lives. It normally takes a few years, after I make a few remarks to them, but they always respond in anger and hatred, almost immediately, after I make my points about what I have come to realize about existence.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I am sure that as time passes, I will become better able to explain what happened and what I experienced. I don't think the words have been invented, yet, to accurately describe what it means to look beyond the veil, to see through the disguise of the universe: for, it is an illusion of what it truly is.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It's like watching the same movie, day after day, for decades. I know every line.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My I.Q. went from 125 before the incident to over 150, (off the charts the Veteran's Affair had anyway), during my placement test for vocational rehabilitation. I can feel people's emotions, and understand internally what they are thinking about me, if they are being two-faced or not, without even being within 10 miles of them. I just KNOW what's going on somehow. This has caused me to reject city life in return for wide-open spaces where my mind is not as tangled. Too many people in too much pain live in cities and it's painful for me to be around so many who suffer.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There are parts of the experience that I feel are not to be discussed, not here, not to you, not to anyone: no offense.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared this experience with one person, 1 year after it happened and they called me crazy and stopped being friends with me. The next time I told somebody was a psychologist about 3 weeks ago. I can't open this up to people and I don't have close friends who can relate either, so, it stays internalized.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It had to be real, why is all this skin missing from my right leg?
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was real, you explain it. I'm starting to get really irritated with stupid questions.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The caterpillar has no knowledge of what it is to become. It is a worm bound to a small acre of land. Its physical rules tell it to crawl and eat leaves and it follows its marching orders. When the caterpillar dies, it does not mean its death as it is reborn as something new, with a whole new set of rules. When we pass, we are not as we were and the rules are no longer permissible to what it is we become.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Kindness is the cure.