I first realized something different was going on when my eyes focused on a spider or fly in the nearby ceiling corner of my hospital room. I wondered why I should be looking at it. The next thing I knew I was viewing an image of myself on the hospital bed, pale and lifeless. The pale part was a physical view; the lifeless part was a strong sense, like an animal senses something but can't explain it. It took me a few moments to realize that I was looking at me through the spider's eyes because the image was ‘multi-faceted’, like looking at something through a prism.
In the next phase of the experience, the essence of me was floating through a gray fog type of swirling mist. My being, awareness, or essence arrived at a massive stone staircase, loitered briefly at the first step, and then started to ascend the stairs by floating upwards.
I arrived at the top of the stairway, the top stair of which was larger than the rest. For a moment, I was very confused. I was confronted by a large oak door - very old and solid. I knew I could not go down the stairs because to do so would mean returning to a body that had ceased its usefulness.
In the next moment, I was aware of some movement or motion behind the door. I remember wondering how this was possible as the door was so dense. In any case, the door began to open ever so slightly. In that moment, my being was inundated, washed in, or assimilated into a warm bright white light. I was accompanied by awareness of eternal and infinite peace. Almost as a cloud reveals rays from the sun after a storm. Words can really not describe the experience. There was harmonious music but not heard as much as felt. My being sensed an exquisite natural order beyond any degree of imagined perfection. It was perfectly natural and I was not afraid at all to become a part of this existence.
The door was never fully opened. As my being was trying to cope with these wondrous events, the door closed abruptly. It was done in an authoritative manner. It was intentional. It happened so quickly that I thought I must have imagined what I had sensed earlier.
For some reason, at that moment I became aware of a keyhole in the middle of the door. Eagerly I peeked through the opening and had the briefest of sensations as when the door was open. Here again was perfection beyond belief. I was also aware of some sort of ‘admission conference’ being conducted behind the door. I caught snippets of the discussion. ‘A mistake has been made’, ‘It is not yet his time’, and, ‘There is work or a mission yet to be completed’.
My being was crushed in understanding that it was being returned to my body, for a unique purpose, which would be made clear to me. From the two times I was permitted to sense the light, to starting my journey back to a lesser place, I was filled with intense sadness and grief.
I became aware that my being was back in my body when I realized I was experiencing physical emotion. I felt like I could cry enough to fill the oceans.
Date NDE Occurred: 'June, 1968'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness 'Hospital in-patient, diagnosis - Hodgkin's disease (advanced phase), 2 tumors under ''cobalt-radiation therapy'') treatment, NO chemical treatment involved. Treatment area from waist to tip of nose. Radiation sickness generated loss of hair, extreme/ra Clinical death not recorded in medical chart.. You can die from Hodgkin's Disease, a cancer of the lymph system.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Disturbing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I looked through a fly's eyes at a discolored body which was mine. I saw maybe sixteen images of myself through each eye. For a brief second I thought it was pretty neat until I realized what the images were.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt extremely aware and alert as to what was going on around me. I can describe details vividly. The events are consistent with each recollection.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time very easily could have stood still during my event. I do know that time had no meaning behind the door.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I believe I heard the door open, not quite a ‘creak’, more of a slide-glide. The music behind the door was every sound that ever was or will be in absolute harmony. This was not physically heard, it was sensed. The communications to me that it wasn't my time, and so forth, were also sensed. The voices in my room on my return were physically heard.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes There is the obvious interpretation that my being or soul was taken to Heaven and shown eternity.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The total absence of darkness everywhere. Neither hot nor cold, certainly not a threat, or uncomfortable in any way.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Sight from the flying was more physical. After leaving the flying, sight, smell, touch, and taste were useless. I may have at heard the music at the door, but I'm sure I felt it.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Wonderment, incredulity, peace, harmony, extreme joy and more intense sadness if that is possible.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Something was revealed to me in such detail that I would be very surprised if others have had the same experience. I treat the experience as a gift of knowing. I've revealed the event to maybe ten people over the years. Most of them I sensed are at some sort of crossroads and need assurance that what comes after is real.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I felt that what I experienced was what all souls must experience. Possibly St. Peter at the gates of Heaven.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Only to the extent that I would be called upon to reveal my knowledge from time to time to people that I sensed were in need.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The door was clearly a boundary, and I had no doubt about what was on the other side.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I sensed more than I can ever explain. It would make me mentally and physically ill to try to relate everything, much less understand it. The experience has made it possible to accept the tenants of my faith as would a child. I feel very secure in my faith.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have sensed my whole life that I may be more empathetic or sensitive than most people. It is nothing you learn, it's just a sense.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Experiencing the light was the best. Returning to my body was the worst.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes As I said, I shared this with maybe about ten people. Many times, I'm reluctant to do so. I rely on my faith to sense who the message is delivered to. Some have cried, some have been relieved, and others have not believed. I try to be happy for the ones who are happy, but overall I try to present it as unemotionally as possible and let folks draw their own conclusions. I'm not a salesman.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I know there must be others who have had this experience, and I would like to communicate with them.