I went into this abortion clinic in Austin, under the strong impression that the baby growing inside of me was not meant to be born. How on Earth I knew that being the peaceful, ultra-sensitive, loving girl I was is a mystery. Never in a million years would anyone have guessed me as someone who would abort unless it was dire. In my unique case, the baby had detached from my uterine wall and was barely hanging on. Apparently, all the stress caused spikes in my blood pressure and tonsillitis in the first month, making my body inhospitable. My decision to have the baby removed was a certain decision, and later I would find out why.
I went with my mother who has been a pharmacist for over twenty years, for support. She waited while they lead me back to the room. I laid down on the table, and they put the IVs in and put the gas mask on my face. I took slow deep breaths and closed my eyes. It felt like they were administering too much, so I tilted my head to allow the mask to fall off prematurely. The next thing, while still inhabiting my body, I went into a timeless dimension, which didn't scare me because I had experimented with X-tacy and Acid in high school. I relaxed and welcomed the Deja vu-like feelings. I heard the door creak open, and I knew it was going to happen before it did. I knew what the nurses were going to say before they spoke. I was aware of so much more. Everything was telling me 'This experience is meant to be.' So I relaxed deeper and went with it.
Toward the last part of the procedure, I was still under, but felt the surgeon apply pressure. I wasn't painful, just a jolt of pressure, and I consciously decided to respond with a bodily twinge. I did this to let him know I could feel a little bit. Well, he and the nurses took that as me being in pain, so naturally they turned up my anesthesia. I felt it go into me, and before I knew it, I had left.
All went dark and weightless, an infinite bluish purple perhaps, and amazing sparkling particles connected everything. I was home and I was so appreciative of how real human life seemed! I zoomed to the ceiling and 'faced' all directions simultaneously. I was aware of my body below and felt zero remorse, attachment, fear, or sadness for leaving. I became one with all in existence, yet, I had a firm knowing that I was me. All was okay, all was love, and the purpose of human life is solely for experience and expansion. I was one with the doctor, the nurses, my Mom down the hall, the equipment, the sound of the flat line, and all the space in between. I could have raised the doctor's arm up if I wanted to. But here's the important thing: I had zero desire to manipulate his free will. None. I knew I was capable of controlling the entire situation, it just wasn't in my best interest for me to do so. They were me and I was them. Murder, rape and cannibalism, they are all okay. Just experience to grow from. I knew everything that had ever and will ever exist in the universe. There was perfect infinite timelessness. Linear time is an illusion, just like our skin and bones and five senses. Our carbon-based senses were designed to perceive carbon-based reality, and it is really a spectacular illusion! My true nature is one with all, and I am God. And so is everyone and everything else.
The next thing I remember was hearing my name being screamed very loudly, twice. 'Robyn! ROBYN!' I took the biggest, deepest breath I have ever taken, like my very first breath! I was back. Heavy, but so empowered, so refreshed, I knew everything now. No one can ever lead me astray, and I would never again, for as long as I live, fear death. Because there is no death!!! We are meant to come here and play. That's it. Just be and play and experience this grand illusion of physical reality.
The sensitive details of what I experienced outside my physical body are challenging to describe in written or verbal language, but I did my best. Remember that my brain is merely trying to interpret such a high vibrational experience and decrease it enough to fit into human language according to my brains knowledge and journey. I had an expansive spiritual life before this experience so I can go into more detail sometimes. But people will always be limited to explaining their near death experiences through they're human understanding of God, which is not universal, but subjective. Keep that in mind. Sometimes the less knowledge a brain has of religion is best to keep the translation clear. That's my perspective anyway.
Date NDE Occurred: March 2006
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Surgery-related. While under general anesthesia. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I knew everything about everything, but I did not bring any one event 'back' with me to share. My brain would explode if I had to remember and translate all that.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was out of this world, unexplainable. I was able to perceive all of the energy that creates physical reality. I could see the sparkling particles connecting and webbing all things together, felt totally embraced and emitting of pure unconditional love.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the entire out of body experience I was omnipotent, omni-present, aware and one with all of existence.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time. Everything was perceived as right now.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. This is hard to explain. I didn't 'have' vision, as I do in this body. I 'was' vision. I was co-creating the experience.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't 'have' hearing, I 'was' hearing. I was co-creating the experience.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I cannot remember. It happened too fast, I guess.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw the most beautiful purplish darkness sparkling all around.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was still Earth, still the room, but I was aware of multiple dimensions swirling around me.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Unconditional love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I didn't merely understand it, I was everything. It's really that simple.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age I was raised Christian. At age 5, I just couldnt understand why everyone just believed what some book told them when everything we need to know is within us. The fearing of hell technique did not work on me. By age 13 I was completely unafilliated with Christianity, I only practiced to BE like Jesus. I also learned about Buddhism and Wicca which were very beautiful and loving philosophies.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes They have enhanced. I was never religious to begin with, Only spiritual and accepting of all paths to the Divine as Sacred.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age Religion is a tool that is used to drive a wedge between people. There is far more monitary profit in separating people than in uniting them. the higher-ups continue this game of instilling fear to dominate because they believe power and money will make them feel better. But time has shown that this is not what brings happiness. Once they awaken to the oneness that we all are, peace on Earth with come. I am certain of this now. My purpose is to expose this to as many people who are interested during my incarnation here.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had fearful beliefs, attachment issues and expectation issues. I thought that to some degree, my pain or happiness depended on others. I know now that this is not true.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know with full certainty now that our science at this 'time' in human evolution is a mere 'activity' of the mind, and is nowhere near understanding the totality of the universe with left-brained logic alone. Science must evolve toward meditating on the quantum and metaphysical realm to grow. It is highly unbalanced toward logic and not inclusive enough of individual experience.
I had been hanging in the doorways of perception my whole life prior to my near death experience. I feel like I'm in in limbo, with one foot in and the other out, attaching myself to numerous fears and excuses that kept me from completely breaking through. I finally walked all the way through those doors, faced the darkness, terrified and alone, like a long awaited death with each step forward. There's no other way out of the prison of our ego than to face its darkness head on. It takes an unbelievable amount of bravery, but it's worth every bit of pain a thousand fold. I awoke to warm bright light all around me, and sunshine beaming from the inside out. Part of what I used to hold onto as 'me' has now died. It will continue to reshape itself in alignment with the Source perspective a little more each day for the rest of my life. I can never return to that sleep state again. What's left of me is love. What's left of me is real. I'm lighter, clearer, and more alive, more in sync with the true Robyn than ever before. The nameless, speechless all-knowing mass of sacred feminine energy that shines within me, connected to you and you and you and all that is a God(dess). It can speak fluently through my voice now, loud and clear. Her voice is slow and glows with even more compassion, and heats up my chest when connecting in love. I know what rings true to me instantly now. I can't hide behind an expression; I can't lie in my words... especially not to myself. This is the meaning of liberation. True freedom from masked suffering that we all share in one way or another. I can fly higher, love deeper, and sing louder. All of the 'bottled' emotions and negative feelings have now been shattered and been recycled into a mosaic of soulful art. All of my old wounds that hid behind the curtain have been spotlit on the stage, I just watch them dance and sing their dark song, and then I stand in ovation without any judgment in my heart. I've stared my inner critic in the face, only to watch her burn beneath my magnifying glass, transmuting into golden ash... gently blowing it all away in the wind. I live in the world as a bright young child again, where everything is magic and magic is everything! The universe speaks to me in many languages and frequencies, every day, and I can finally comprehend the guidance. Love and beauty are everywhere; peace is inside of me through both extreme joy and extreme sorrow. Yes, In the midst of grief, there is peace, in disappointment there is peace, in death and loss there is peace, in total humiliation there is peace, in what may seem like abandonment or murder, yes, there is still peace. This is the way life was meant to be lived; this is the one love that I've spent my whole life searching for externally, in a partner, in a career, in my travels. I know why I am here and what I've come to learn. I have no answers for another and I don't need them, I just trust in the present moment, in the eternal flow. I have always known love and I will continue to embody that love. This is where I am now. Welcoming new experiences of all kinds to paint this new canvas of my life, to share all that I truly am, and my unmasked self at one with the world. I have walked through the doors but I have not left the building. We are all in this together and I hope I can inspire others to join me here in this heaven on earth. Some of you are already here.
'If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.' -William Blake
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I absolutely existed prior to this lifetime, we all did, because we are all part of the ONE.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes All is connected, all is ONE and all is LOVE.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Instead of God, I will use the term Source, as it has neither masculine or feminine energy to distort the message. Source is the source, the ONE infinite consciousness. Source has one desire, to know itself. Who am I? Source cannot know itself unless it divides itself into two, thus having another perspective to see itself from. This is where polarity and expansion cycles into eternity.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I am incarnate to usher in the new paradigm for this beautiful planet. I am new here. I have no karma, and that is why I was not supposed to bear that child. The child would have weighed me down to this place energetically. It was an experience set up for my near death experience, which enabled me to remember my mission. If I choose to have a child I can, but I still want my creation in this lifetime to be helping to save humanity.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Yes, but I can only tell you the purpose of my life. the purpose of my life is to get to know myself, seek bliss and learn to be a creator of my human experience by learning to focus my energy on that which excites me. This will create my heaven on Earth,
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There is most certainly life after 'death'. I know this without a doubt, and fearless of death now. It was an immediate knowing that I AM. and I always will BE.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Meditate to find the truth. You cannot get it from anything external. You must trust in yourself that you will know truth when you experience it. Fear is the biggest challenge to walk through, but once you do, you will meet your true self.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Yes, it is a huge challenge to have to pay to survive on the planet you were born on. When all you focus on is survival, you cannot create and manifest heaven on Earth. Our lesson is to examine everything, know thyself and seek happiness. In meditation we
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes LOVE IS.
Maybe I can give a better example... Love is kind of like gravity, but it encompasses ALL THINGS.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I see God as something that I am part of, inseparable from. Not an individual entity of power to worship or serve. That just makes no sense to me whatsoever. God/Goddess is Source, and Source is Omni.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I see all people, namely those closest to me and my Beloved, as mirrors. All people are a reflection of me. A window to my own soul.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words are a low vibrational activity of the human brain. Vowels, consonants, and sounds put together to convey a message and reach a point of connection with another life form. Our potential is to connect telepathically. It's faster, clearer and without filters, lies, exaggerations, or withholding. Words are simply a lower vibration. The universal realm just gets straight to the point.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience The question is not in my memory, which is exceptional. It is in my earthly ability to translate such a high frequency experience into our language. but I feel Ive done the very best of my ability. Sometimes even saying less is more.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have always been Clairsentient, and highly empathic. I feel kinesthetically what others are feeling. Now I am simply a little more so than before, but I can turn it on and off better now that I understand everything is energy and we have a choice.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared with my Mom immediately afterwards. Then slowly told friends over a year's time. Six years later, I have told my Dad and his side of the family. They are highly religious and cannot conceive of my experience. I'm sure it has influenced their vibration in some way, but they have not changed their minds. And that is okay, because all is just experience.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew I was meant to lighten up and play more. I sought peaceful experiences, and followed my heart.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Everything exists all at once in multiple dimensions.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I can get close to the experience in meditation, and with marijuana, on occasion. Though I do not need it.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I've said plenty.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I thought it was very comprehensive and I'm happy to help. This is, after all, my purpose.