My actual NDE occurred after having an air embolism trigger a cardiopulmonary arrest. I explained above about my prayers to St. Therese and my mom coming up, bringing me a card with a rose on it and my urgent need to tell her everything was going to be okay, I had gotten my rose. Then I saw the shade go down and it was dark. The next minute I was up in the corner of a room watching what I believed to be a man on a hospital bed. I did not wonder why I was there, I just was. I was very intrigued with what they were doing and believed they were running tests on him at first, but then saw more doctors bringing more machines and realized this was a life threatening situation and they were trying to save his life!! I felt their tension and worry over this patient. I watched with such interest for a while, very inquisitive of what was going on.
The next thing I know I am opening my eyes and looking up at a nurse saying 'your mom saved your life; it's a miracle you are alive'. Nurses and doctors were hugging. I looked at the wall and the clock was going backwards so fast! I asked what was wrong with it, but they said 'nothing'. After my NDE, is to me, the most intriguing part: that night as I lay in the Intensive Care Unit, I heard what I thought were monks coming from a door in my room. They were praying and chanting, only in a kind of melodious fashion, maybe more vibrational. This is hard to describe. There were families there and they were crying and saying it wasn't time for them to go. There were 'people' there who wanted to enter the light and when they did it was SO peaceful. I felt the sadness of the families and I felt the pure bliss of going up through the light.
I told my husband the next day and he opened the door: it was my bathroom! That day, again in my bed in Intensive Care Unit, I began hearing the most beautiful, unimaginable music, again vibrational maybe but with a beautiful melody, too. It is so hard to explain and I wanted to remember it forever and tell everyone. I even tried to sit up in my bed to make sure I was really hearing this wonderful sound! The music was love. Later, when a nurse came in, I asked her if anyone had a radio or TV on and she said, 'No, it's been all quiet here, no TVs or radios on'. I told her I heard music and she said she had no idea where it came from. I have never been able to remember that music.
We went to an Eric Clapton concert one year after this and he was really going fast and loud on his guitar and I said 'that's kind of like it, that's the closest to it I've heard'. My husband said, 'yeah, Eric Clapton REALLY IS god'.
The third event I had was on my second day in Intensive Care Unit; with my mom by my side, I was telling her the story of the elderly woman in the room next to mine who was very ill and her son wanted to discontinue her life support, her granddaughter did not. They fought and cried and it was so sad. I felt their emotions, so sad. They left for a while and I felt the grandmother's love for her family, but I felt her let go peacefully the way she wanted to and her peace going up to her Lord. Later I heard the doctor come out of her room and tell the nurse that she had decided on her own and peacefully died.
I was so emotional telling my mom this story. She looked at me and said 'I thought the room next to you was empty.' I asked the nurse when she came in and she verified that the room had been empty since I got there. Three years later, I went through the same thing in real life with my mom that I loved more than anything. My sisters wanted to pull her feeding tube, and I didn't. That's my story. I always took it as fact and never really questioned it. I heard and felt these things. I also felt a wonderful warm glowing light coming through my hospital window. I told my kids it was like there is just a very thin line between realms and somehow I was able to hear and feel things from the other side for a while. It was like I was able to tiptoe on the line.
Date NDE Occurred: 8-03-2003 to 8-05-2003
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. CPR given. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
Embolism which caused cardiopulmonary arrest
How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw the nurses and doctors coming in the room, bringing machines. I felt the tension in the room and saw what appeared to be them frantically trying to revive this person.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was just very, very inquisitive during this time.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Probably during my out of body experience when I was watching the room and activity below.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I wasn't thinking about time, but when I woke up the wall on the clock was going backwards really fast. I looked again and again to make sure I saw this and I did. I asked, but no one else saw that.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was normal
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't believe I heard anything during my actual NDE, just watched. My hearing was normal during my 'after NDE' experiences.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No I am answering these questions according to what happened during my actual NDE.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw the doctors and nurses and what I thought was a man on the hospital bed.
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No I did during my 'after NDE experiences'. I don't know if I actually saw it or just felt it, it was there, but I don't know for sure how I knew.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? During my NDE, I was very inquisitive as to what was going on. During my 'after NDE experiences', I was the same, wanting to hear more music, couldn't get enough, fascinated, mystified, and in awe of this loving music. I didn't want it to stop ever. I wanted to always remember it. The music was love. The chanting and 'monks' and families; I felt so much sadness and love, and then pure bliss, peace, wanting to go up more than anything. The family story: I was so sad and inquisitive, and then again, I felt so much happiness and peaceful feeling and love when the woman went up to the light. I felt it, love again.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic I was raised Catholic and still love the Saints, statues, etc. I prayed to St. Therese to send a guardian angel to protect me and keep me safe during my surgery and hospitalization. My mom came up early that morning of my embolism, and wasn't supposed to, just came unexpectedly. She brought a card from my aunt with roses on it. Prior to blacking out, I was begging my mom, as she was watering my plants, to listen to me and that everything would be ok. I had to make her understand, it was sooo important to me. I had gotten my rose. Then the shade went down.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I guess I just never thought about leaving my body and having an out of body experience, but it certainly isn't anything that could not go along with my religious beliefs.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No Again, not during my actual NDE.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I am more philosophical and have a need to know more about this life and the afterlife. I am more spiritual than I was before and love flowers, trees, birds, dogs. I planted over 100 bulbs in my otherwise 'dead' yard since it is on a slope and washes away and I marvel over each miracle that comes up! I take pictures of all of them and write poems to go with them.
I am more open to spiritual ideas and that there is a higher power, another realm where there is a supreme intelligence to ours. I know that 'love' is the answer and that if everyone 'loved' we may be able to reach that realm, who knows. I know what spiritual love feels like and sounds like and it is so much more than anything here on earth. Maybe we are placed here to learn how to love before entering 'heaven'. I can sit under my trees and look up at the sky and know that there is a God above that loves us very much. We all need to do the best we can and love as much as we can and enjoy this world, while we are here. If you look around, there are miracles every day. We should not 'rush' to get to the other side; we should stop and smell the roses here first. I believe there is a 'light' within each of us and we are just learning here on earth how to make that light shine. Moderate changes in my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No Yes Well I'm more laid back than I used to be and would sleep in longer if I could. I am more philosophical and spiritual. I tend to not worry about deadlines like I used to and may miss out on sending a birthday card on time like I always used to do. But I think, for the most part, all of my relationships have stayed the same or even been nourished by this new quest for knowledge and it has opened our minds to new ideas.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The out of body experience wasn't, I just explained how it was. The chanting and the beautiful music I heard were very hard to explain and I cannot remember them or have never heard anything like it again.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember my NDE as it was yesterday and I also remember the after NDE experiences vividly.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I don't know what you would call my 'after NDE experiences', psychic? Or was I just 'remembering' what I had seen when I was clinically dead and on the other side? The girl I work with says I always remember everything later, so maybe that's it. But I am pretty psychic, especially in regards to my family. I woke up once in the middle of the night and had premonition that something bad was going to happen to my oldest son and I started praying fervently to St. Therese to please keep him safe. Afterward, I tried to go to sleep but got a call from my son who told me he had plummeted down a deep ravine off the icy interstate. He was okay, but stuck down there after coming home at 5:30 in morning. We had to get two tow trucks to get the car out of there and they both said 'I don't know how that car did not roll; it's just impossible, crazy.'
When trying to get the car out of ravine, it kept wanting to tip over. Imagine it going down the ravine quickly and out of control, and it did not roll. I call it a miracle. I also found a blouse in my room that day with beautiful bright red roses on it. I have no idea to this day where it came from, but it fits me beautifully and I have worn it. Do I believe in miracles and prayer? You bet I do! (I also have gone to the Villisca Axe Murder House with my sons and there was so-o-o much paranormal activity when we were there, it was amazing!! We all saw and heard the same things: a closet slamming shut in front of us, doors opening and closing, and little girls talking while their feet pitter-pattering across the upstairs floor!
It's a house in Villisca, Iowa where a family of five and two neighbor girls were killed by an axe murderer. The crime has never been solved and believe me, it's another story!!)
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The most meaningful part of my experiences was the love I felt between families and the MUSIC, that was love itself. I will always remember the peaceful feeling of letting go into the light, the happiness. The beautiful chanting that was mesmerizing. I guess it was my 'after NDE experiences' that are the most meaningful to me. Also, I know that when you 'die' your spirit does leave your physical body and you do go on, you feel like yourself and there is nothing scary about it. It just happens, and you are your 'spirit' and not in your body. I didn't get to experience going into the tunnel or seeing the light, but I wish I had. I would have been happy to go there. I know that because I was so inquisitive, wanting to know everything that was going on.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my mom and husband and children right away. My daughter has always been religious and very spiritual. My two sons not as much, but now they are reading 'The Source'. 'The Twelfth Planet', and love Ancient Aliens. I think we are all seeking more knowledge now and are more in tune with our spiritual side. We want to know more and are more open to all ideas.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I guess I heard once in a while, on TV or somewhere, that someone had gone into a tunnel, seen light, or had an out of body experience, but I didn't give it much thought. After I came back, I was focused on living and every ounce of my being was telling my blood to flow and telling my body to live. I then focused on the miracle, St. Therese, the rose, and my mom: my angel that was sent. I focused on the miracle of life itself and that my prayers had been answered. I received my rose, and was sent a special angel: my mom, to keep me safe and get help for me so that I was able to come home to my family, just as I had prayed.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It happened. I don't know if I crossed over into another realm or was on the line or what, but it happened. I have always been very matter of fact like when I tell others: This is what happened, they can take it from there. I think most people believe me.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I know in my heart what I saw, heard, and felt were real. I was searching 'kundalini' [Editor's note: A form or school of yoga.] on the web because I was curious about yoga for my back and that is how I came upon these NDE sites. I didn't know there were other people out there craving knowledge like me. I love reading all their stories and it is just opening up my mind to all kinds of beautiful notions, and they all tell me the same thing, the answer is love.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to know if anyone else has ever had an 'after NDE experience' like mine as I have not read one yet. It makes me curious as to 'what' or 'how' I had them, but it's a fact that I did: I know that. The out of body experience seemed so real and natural; I don't know what to think. I was just there in the corner of my room watching for a while. I guess I just never thought about leaving my body and having an out of body experience, but it certainly isn't anything that could not go along with my religious beliefs. I remember my NDE as if it was yesterday and I also remember the after NDE experiences vividly.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No, you did a good job. Thanks for letting me go on and on. Since I was a child, I have never been able to 'write a couple lines'. Ha!