I had a terrible foreboding all year, that culminated by my mother telling me, 'Something bad is going to happen to you.' On Wednesday, I had the premonition of, 'You are going to die Raymond.' Sunday, as I lay in bed, the chest pains and a sense of panic overtook me. I got out of bed, did some press-ups, which cleared the pain in my heart for a minute or so. I did not know I suffered any heart problems at this time. I got back into bed, only to realize I could not breathe very well. The chest pain was incredible. I staggered down the stairs, turned on the light and saw my cat, Mr. Bill, look at me with a startled look. I recall saying to him, 'I'm in trouble Bill.' In a panic, I tried to call the emergency services but never got to dial the last number. I collapsed. What brought me round quickly was Mr. Bill, licking my nose. (Cats breath-phew)
I managed to get through to the emergency service. I waited for the ambulance to arrive. When they arrived, they got me into the ambulance while asking questions about the problem I was having. I was having trouble breathing. The next thing I heard myself say in my mind, 'There is a better time to check-out. Now is the time, as I can't hold on any more.' I rested my head on my right shoulder and lost consciousness.
I find myself in a place I had been before. I was happy to be back. I remember the familiar bright vivid green grass. The breeze was warm and so soft, like meeting up with a very much-loved old friend.
I stood there, anxious to be recognized by the people in front of me. There were five people: two men and three women all dressed in white robes. I looked down at my feet, as I had no shoes on. I scrunched my toes to feel the grass as confirmation that this is really happening. The grass was so soft. As I looked up again, one of the ladies smiled at me and said to the younger of the two men, 'Raymond is here.' They all turned their heads and smiled at me.
The youngest man turned to the older man, who was more interested in reading a book than visiting with me. The younger man said very clearly, 'Raymond is here.' The older man replied, 'He is not supposed to be here.' With a quip of his hand from his book, I awoke with great shame that I had fallen asleep.
The paramedic, Rebecca, was standing over me as I apologized to her saying, 'Sorry about that, I was on the other side there.' She replied, 'do you go on the other side a lot, Raymond?' I replied, 'If you park up, I will make you a cup of tea and tell you about my family. We are known for spiritual happenings.' Rebecca told me, 'You died Raymond. We are still outside your house. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head. You died at exactly twelve o'clock this, 'LED clock,' as she tapped to my left, 'went to all zeros. We could not move until we got you back'. Off we went.
I could see the blue lights flickering off the walls and street sign. The ambulance doors were opened as a voice gave my details to staff members of my cardiac arrest. In the emergency room, a nurse asked me for my family's telephone number. 'Am I that bad?' I asked. 'Yes,' she replied. I became aware of a black smudge, that I took it as 'Death' to my left in the corner of the emergency room. I had an understanding, at that very moment, of why men call for their mothers at the point of death. I remember feeling ashamed that I was not crying out, as the fear and isolation of this moment was too much. I had died again.
This time, I was met an old friend who had died from a tumor two years previously. We were tightly together, moving forward almost like in a crowd; but he and the others were all grey in color. 'What are you doing here Ray, you are not supposed to be here,' he told me.
The next I knew, my nose was on the ceiling tiles of the emergency room. The body was gasping for air. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, as I felt myself come back to my body with a thumping BANG. The pain was familiar to me. I looked at the white clock on the wall and I recall saying to myself, 'This is beyond me, the whole experience.'
At this point, I died again and was aware of a chap called Barry who stood to my left. He was telling the staff to give me more medication. The defibrillator was used on me again and the burning pain I felt, as I came back, angered me to such a point that when I got back into my body again, I could hear myself swearing and fighting at the staff asking them, 'What the heck do you think you are doing?' My arms and legs were held down because I was fighting so much.
Again I died, and the defibrillator was used again. This time I came back bolt upright from death and pointed a finger at the staff. I said, 'Thank you, I needed that!' The staff recoiled back and the look of shock on their faces was something that will always be with me. I slumped back down like a bag of potatoes and felt happy; I even smiled at the nurses.
The next day, Rebecca, the paramedic, came by to say 'Hi' and she brought another Paramedic with her. 'This is the man I was telling you about. You are so lucky,' she said pointing to me. I was on morphine so I really did not understand about all the fuss. Later that morning, Barry, from the emergency room, came to visit me. As he stood at the base of my bed he said, 'YOU are bizarre!' I told him I had seen him rub the defibrillator paddles together and say, 'This will bring him round.' It did.
Two months down the line when I'm at Cardiac Rehab, the nurse asked me 'Are you going to go back to being an Engineer?' I replied, 'No, I come from a family who sees illness in people and I would like to work here in the hospital. 'Have I got cancer?' she asked me. I asked her to turn around so her back was towards me, and I told that she has cancer but it is asleep is only millimeter in size.' She said, 'You are correct, Raymond. Do still want to work here?' 'I do', I replied. Thus, I ended up working on the chemo unit. I was helping and talking to patients who knew my story.
But I still felt that parts of my death were not clear to me, as I was told I only died twice. Until one of the nurses from that night became a patient and friend of mine. She told me that, 'They stopped counting at five times, but they think you died nine times. It was verging on the miraculous, Raymond.'
Date NDE Occurred: 03/09
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack. CPR given. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I had a premonition on a Wednesday and on Sunday I did pass-on.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I told the staff I heard: 'what about giving him Potassium', and also Barry who rubbed the defibrillator paddles together.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The experience lasted just over an hour or so, so half way through the fighting stage, fluidity to thought and pain all became one.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Vision during the experience had an intensity of colored emotion mingled with fear.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing seemed normal; I could understand and hear what was being said on both sides of life and death.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes A patient who was called Dave, came to visit me from California, he had a brain tumor.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a light that was very vivid, more so than the light we experience here on earth.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The colors were very vivid and the wind was alive as it spoke to everybody there, not in the spoken word but straight to the mind.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, understanding, isolation, fear, trauma, confusion
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am much more spiritually aware since these events.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had a belief that work here on earth was all I needed, but the experience that happened changed my thought perception's
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have a stillness and understanding of right and wrong.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Two men and three women all dressed in white. The women were wearing white head veils, the two men, one was older, he was reading a book and the younger man stood to his right and the three women stood in front, facing the two men.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I was mentioned by the younger male being, he knew my name.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain The verification from the staff ,then the events that followed and suroudings gave an indication.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I come from a family of seers, so this experience is part and parcel to learning about life here.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I had been here before as I recognised the land and sensations, my partner would say "you freak me out as you often stop breathing at night" I now realise that I would be on the other side as my visio's of that night matched my death vision's
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was verified of my death by the staff during the experience so I knew what was happening, then I met the five beings
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes This the hell earthly life, my parameters of behaviour are now geared to not coming back to this earthly life.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes The love of this unearthly world is overwhelming, its like being flooded on the inside with love.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. Compassion, an incredible oneness with the world (nature); people: not so much.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Flash backs, PTSD [Post-traumatic Stress Disorder] have all come with this. As mentioned, everything else is afoot, so a relationship to me is something I avoid. This death experience is so profound and deep the relationships with family and the like are so hard to maintain, especially if the family/person is religious. It brings a conflict of my experiences to their beliefs.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It take it as a life event, and the remembrance is to me a special tool which I use to help in this earthly life.Everything else is purely a foot in life
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I 'see' illness in people, worked in hospitals and tested against MRI Scans for tumors and the like. Terminally ill patients, I would often 'see' their souls when they are in deep pain (the morphine they take allows the soul to wander); I would often communicate with the patients when they came to visit me in soul form.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? When I heard the words 'Raymond is here'.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I often share my experience with others, as I am part of a support group here in the UK for NDE's. Many are influenced by what I have seen and can do.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was the verification and family background that gave me an understanding that this is as real as it comes. Now, many years after the event, the legacy of that moment continues to be of great help to me and others.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The reality comes through my experience of working with the terminally ill. It has made my deaths a value to the fears of those who are soon to die themselves.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes In many forms, it can be an ambulance going by, the work I sometimes do with cancer sufferers, seeing death on TV. It's always there ready to surface. Explaining to the medical profession of their lack of understanding always hits me hard.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? For me, it has been life changing, often and sometimes beyond everything we are taught.