Rachel NDE

Experience Description

My experience occurred as a result of a severe hemorrhage just after the delivery of my daughter by emergency C section. I had been given a spinal block so was awake during the surgery, my daughter had been delivered and after the some attention, she was brought briefly to my side and rested against my face. Then I was aware that something was wrong and the surgical team was dealing with something, monitor alarms were sounding and the anesthesiologist at my side was busy.

Very suddenly everything went black, and everything was completely silent. It was a very unusual but not uncomfortable sensation; it was as if I was stripped back to the very essence of who I am. The darkness was thick and still, completely devoid of anything, there was just me. I wondered where I was, and was contemplating this when I heard a voice, it was a kind and knowing almost encouraging voice which just said 'you can go know'. I thought, 'go now?' And had to think for a moment what the voice had meant, it had not yet occurred to me that I was so close to death. Then I realized, and immediately thought, ah, go, yes I can go now, and felt quite enthusiastic, but almost instantly after I became aware, there was a reason that I could not leave, could not die and I concentrated on trying to remember what it was.

Then I remembered my eldest daughter, then that I had another, I remembered the complications of her birth and struggled to recollect the outcome that she had survived. Once I had remembered I immediately answered the voice and said 'No, wait, I can't go now'. The voice immediately replied in an urgent almost forceful tone 'Then you HAVE to wake up'. The commanding tone of the answer resounded in my head and I started to look around in the darkness for any slight change from the blackness that might indicate a way back to the operating theatre. I found a patch of darkness that looked a little lighter and concentrated on being there, I don't know for how long but then I opened my eyes and I was back in the operating theatre. My head was pounding and I could not move, but instantly felt nauseous and tried to tell the anesthesiologist I had to be sick so that he could remove the oxygen and tilt my head. It came out as the faintest of whispers and movement of lips, but his attention was fully on me and he removed the mask and tilted my head towards a small surgical bowl, I realized he had been holding my hand. Physically I felt terrible but knew I was going to be okay.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 23/06/2009

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. Childbirth. Life threatening event, but not clinical death Severe hemorrhage during emergency ceasarian section

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No Uncertain I felt aware that the voice came from someone superior, who understood more about what was happening than I did, but it is possible that this might have been the core of my psyche speaking to my conscious self. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal. It was as if I had no physical memory. I had to search my mind to remember any detail about my life.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In the darkness, during the conversation with the voice.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? At first I felt calm and peaceful, but once I realized I was near to death and might end up separated from my children I felt an extreme urgency to leave and return to the theatre.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I wondered where I was, and was contemplating this when I heard a voice; it was a kind and knowing almost encouraging voice which just said 'you can go now.' I thought, 'Go now?' and had to think for a moment what the voice had meant. It had not yet occurred to me that I was so close to death. Then I realized, and immediately thought, 'Ah, go, yes I can go now,' and felt quite enthusiastic, but almost instantly after I became aware there was a reason that I could not leave, could not die, and I concentrated on trying to remember what it was. Then I remembered my eldest daughter, then that I had another. I remembered the complications of her birth and struggled to recollect the outcome that she had survived. Once I had remembered I immediately answered the voice and said 'No, wait, I can't go now.' The voice immediately replied in an urgent almost forceful tone 'Then you HAVE to wake up'

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I was raised Roman Catholic and have a healthy appreciation for spirituality and religion in its many forms. As an adult I rarely attend church but believe we all have a choice between right and wrong and try to live my life in a good and positive way considering the consequences of all the actions I take. As an adult I developed a strong interest in the works of Carl Jung and the possibility that our soul resides in our mind. I am committed to progressing my own self development and self awareness and believe that this will continue throughout the rest of my life, not quite religion but almost!

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had thought members of my family would be waiting for me and that a darkness might be associated with some kind of hell or unpleasantness. Upon reflection the dark place does fit with purgatory.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No Slight changes in my life.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify I heard a voice I could not identify. I had a conversation with a voice, which sounded a little like my own except that it was more knowing, more commanding. Our conversation was about leaving and moving on or going back.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I felt aware that the voice came from someone superior, who understood more about what was happening than I did, but it is possible that this might have been the core of my psyche speaking to my conscious self.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? Unknown

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists┬

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists Uncertain Only a voice that said I could go now, but it did not say where that might be.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Oddly, the only real feeling that I retained was the love of my children, and it was this that resulted my decision to return.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes No Yes. I appreciate everything and everyone more now, I am even more tolerant and understanding and feel positive feelings more fully.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The darkness is difficult to describe, as is the voice.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? In the darkness it felt as if I was stripped away to the very essence or core of my very being. The only thing I remembered was love, which reinforced my belief that it is the only thing that really matters. It also made me realize that there was nothing to fear in death if in life your motives are good.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No Yes. I shared my experience with my family over the couple months following the experience, I think that my mother does not fear death as much as a consequence.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No Yes My perception and understanding of NDE was the standard 'light at the end of the tunnel' prior to the experience, I thought there be light at the end of a tunnel and family waiting for me as that is the NDE I was aware of. I sought out more information after as I wondered why my experience was so different from those I heard of.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Experience was definitely real I felt sure that my experience was real, even if it all occurred in my own mind. I still feel sure that my experience was real, even if it all occurred in my own mind. I don't know if the voice I heard was an angel or a part of myself that understood what was going on.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I had thought members of my family would be waiting for me and that a darkness might be associated with some kind of hell or unpleasantness. Upon reflection the dark place does fit with purgatory.