Experience Description

The negative experiences (3) occurred in mid '87 and within a 3 month period.

Number 1: I had been living hard, and strained my heart to such a degree that it finally gave out. I felt difficulty breathing, and lay on the floor of my flat. I then felt an incredible pain, the like of which I had never experienced before. It was so severe; I reached for a knife to kill myself to get away from the pain. It felt like a steel band was tightened around my chest to such an extent, that I was crushed. I thought of crawling downstairs to a young girl that lived there to get help, but I KNEW I would not make it, and if somehow I did, I would die in front of her. I considered the effect my gruesome death would have on her, and [she was 21] thought it best to stay where I was and let nature take its course. I had wet myself, and my nose and eyes were running. I then felt a curious detachment to what was happening, and I lost ALL sensation in my physical body. My hearing CEASED TO BE, and I could no longer move or focus my eyes, but I could still see.

Then I was outside my body. I don't know how, I was just outside it. I was standing up, and there was a spirit waiting for me. I glanced behind me, and I saw a body lying on the floor. I was about to say to the spirit; hold on, there's someone on the floor… but the thought came out like a shout, and I realized that the body was me. I turned back to the Spirit realizing that I had died.

The Spirit said [by thought] 'It was your fault that you died, because you were not looking after yourself. That is considered a form of suicide, and there is a penalty that must be paid.' A screen appeared far in front of me, depicting the negative aspects of my character in HUMAN FORMS. They became animated and started to attack me. I was kicked and punched. I felt the pain of each contact. Curiously, I felt no need to defend myself or fight off my attackers. They then moved backwards as though they were on rewind and got back onto the screen as they were before they animated.

The Spirit then communicated: 'YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE ARE THE PERSONAL PROPERTY OF GOD' All this took place in a black void. There was nothing there. All negative aspects of my nature were magnified far more than what they are here in the physical realm. There was/is NO ESCAPING FROM MYSELF. I was then somehow put back in my body, and gradually began to pull myself together. It was not until many years later that I realized that I was given another chance to continue because I had put a young girl's welfare ahead of my own, even though I was dying.

Number 2: My heart and lungs gave out again and I went through very much the same physical reactions as the first experience. I knew I was going into that black void again, and I prayed. I won't ask for mercy or anything like that, all I have to say is that I am not FULLY RESPONSIBLE for the mental and emotional state that I am in. That was enough to allow the dying process to be reversed.

Number 3: Heart/lung failure again. I went into the black void. I was in a hell of my own making. I was emotionally and mentally (?) 'damned'. I had no choice but to face up to myself and knew I was doomed to stay where I was until I did, and made an effort to get my thinking and living straight. All the experiences had a timelessness about them, and if 2 seconds pass here in the physical, an 'eternity' is there. I hope I have made myself reasonably clear. I cannot prove what I experienced, as it always remains subjective for the experiencer. Even if I could prove with medical records all illnesses, it still won't prove the actual out of body experiences. I know this will be of help to some people out there. We all go somewhere after leaving the physical.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: mid 1987

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes IllnessHeart attack Life threatening event, but not clinical death Heart/lung failure

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I was in my body one moment, then out. I felt no transition going in or out.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Close to human perception, but higher

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning time as always, (in the spiritual realms) was the ever present now.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes That Spirit that was sent to help me, and those animated aspects of my character, although I think they were simply me turning against me to teach me a lesson.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm that black void of nothingness.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Intense sadness and fear

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I knew without being told what is important in life. (Love yourself, because that is an indication on how well you can love others.)

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The Spirit only wanted to know how well I loved myself, because that plays a major part in how well I love others.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I have no doubt that what abilities I had increased following the experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Worst; I learnt that there is an alternative NEGATIVE reality Best; I learnt that we DO GET MULTIPLE CHANCES TO HELP OURSELVES when we have enormous problems to cope with.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Disbelief and pity. Often scorn from self-proclaimed spiritual/Christian etc. people.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes. If I could somehow prove it, I would do everything within my means to do it.