I was adopted into an upper middle class family, with a very hard working father. For what seemed like every day I was told ‘you’re stupid’ and struck or hit. I couldn't connect with people and in high school I was alone. My parents were away in Europe one week and my grandfather stayed over at the house. One night I decided to escape from all the pain. I took three bottles of contact pain and allergy pills, along with a handful of whatever I could find. I laid back on my bed looking at all my stuff, and I started crying. I sat up for about half an hour debating whether I had made the right choice. I got up and went to the bathroom for water, went back and laid back down on my waterbed with my head at the foot of the bed.
My skin started to feel hot and I began to panic. I tried to lift my head and when my head fell back so did I. I saw my ceiling move away and the sides of darkness move in. At first it seemed to me, I was suspended approximately fifty feet and my thoughts were so fast at that point. I realized my eyes were open up there in the room, and that is when I felt the pulling. I tried to see my body, but every time I looked down, I saw nothing but the blackness of the tunnel wall. The fear was like nothing I ever want to feel again, it was overwhelming. I noticed I was going faster, and my vision rotated so I could see my room, but now it was like a flashlight about a mile away. About that time that I realized that if I saw where I was headed I would be lost.
If you are lucky, you learn a lot of things very quickly. I heard a voice. A terrible thing that I was told is that Hell is whereby you are cut off. For instance, you know you were something but can’t remember what. You know there is more but you can’t remember anything. An example in your mind could be ‘it’s on the tip of my, wait, what’s a tip? What am I again?’, and this struggle would repeat over and over. It is like trying to sink your teeth in, to bite, and feeling nothing as if you had a face full of Novocain.
I heard the voice again, and it was so calm. It said ‘It is not your time to choose. This is a gift, life. You have been selfish’. So many things were told to me at that time. I saw my room light like a far off star. I felt so ashamed and naked to everything. I thought ‘I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Please’. I shot back into my body quickly. Before I knew it I found myself outside, in the hot tub in the rain. I remember throwing up many times. I told my grandfather I was too sick for school and was off for a week.
Date NDE Occurred: 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Suicide attempt Other suicide attempt
How do you consider the content of your experience? Frightening
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the tug, or pulling.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I felt that a very long time passed there compared to the same time here.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see everywhere, but I was aware I wasn't there with a physical body to look out from.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist raised catholic, but questioned the church too much .......
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist it's real... but no name I can put to it, (faith/denomination )
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The feeling of shame for being so weak.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No