Marcella P Probable NDE

Experience Description

My condition around the time of the birth experience was as a 3-month premature infant. At birth I weighed 1 pound, 6 ounces. The Doctor in charge notified my parents at the time of my birth that I would die; I was water baptized immediately into the Roman Catholic Church. I was placed in an incubator for the next 6 months. During these 6 months, multiple Nurses, Doctors, my father who was a physician, and mother who was a Nurse, all witnessed multiple episodes where I would cease breathing, heartbeat would cease, my skin would have turned gray, blue, purple, depending on the length of the episode. The Nurses would shake me to induce breathing and heartbeat. In particular my father witnessed many of these episodes; he worked at that hospital at that time). My mother witnessed these events often as well, when she visited me. At the time of my birth, both parents were healthy. None of my 7 siblings were born with any problems at birth – no low weight births, no medical complications. I had no medical problems at birth such as deformity, limb issues, circulation issues, nervous system issues, brain injury. While in the incubator, I would kick myself vigorously around inside. Being so small, the Nurses feared I would injure myself, so they placed me in a shoebox inside the incubator.

There were no associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the birth experience. At the time of the birth experience, there was an associated life threatening event – that event being my birth weight of 1 lb 6 oz, and the multiple episodes of cessation of breathing and heartbeat.

At the end of 6 months, I weighed 5 pounds and was allowed to return home. My health at that time was apparently perfect - vision was normal, breathing normal, heart normal, internal organs normal, limbs normal, brain normal. Shortly after returning home, my father was in the kitchen, my mother was upstairs bathing my siblings. My father had placed me in an infant seat on top of the kitchen counter. He presumed that as I was still so small, I would stay in place. I began to kick violently again, as I had done in the incubator, and kicked myself out of the chair and onto the kitchen floor. My mother still recalls the sickening thud she heard while upstairs, and knew immediately what had happened. I was taken back to the hospital, with no injuries at all, except slight bruising.

The status of my health now is excellent. I have had poor vision since a young child; my father and other siblings have poor vision as well. I have worn glasses since a young age, but at the age of mid-40’s developed cataracts in both eyes (I assume, as does my mother, that this was an inevitable side-effect from being in the incubator – perhaps the retinas had been weakened due to the over-use of oxygen, and now later in life were getting ‘old’). While in the incubator, the only options for oxygen were ‘on’, and ‘off’.

After birth and during the next 6 months, I have no recollection of experiencing being out of body, being in the presence of unearthly beings, no recollection of the presence of light, no recollection of the presence of deceased persons, no recollection of darkness, a city, void, boundary, strong emotional tone, special knowledge, life review, or vision of the future.

While growing up I don’t recall any episodes of physical aftereffects from the birth experience. I was completely healthy physically, and was not increasingly sensitive in any capacity. I did not experience or exhibit any healing or psychic abilities while growing up.

One childhood experience of importance which stood out, was at a young age – I don’t think that I was able to read well at that time, but am not sure of that. As far as I can remember, this was one of my earliest memories. I was sitting in a child-size chair in a bedroom, and had a book open on my lap – it was a child’s book of pictures – trains, cars, work-vehicles, etc. The page was open to the center, and on both pages was a black and white drawing of an ocean tanker being tossed in a storm on the sea, at nighttime. I clearly remember, even to this day, the feeling of absolute terror which came up in me, at seeing this picture. Even today, I don’t think I would like to open the same book to that page! I do know that I was too young to be completely aware of the real-life consequences of this picture – the destruction, pain, possibly death, fear of dying – at the age I was, there would have been no awareness of how this scene would have played out in real life – but I acutely felt terror and fear at looking at this scene.

The difficulty with family relationships was very mild while growing up – I had a slight sense that I was different, but couldn’t explain it, and this intensified after age 28. My family and friendships were relatively normal up until age 28. I was a quiet person growing up, not shy, but someone who always ‘did their own thing, and went their own way’. I was not too much different from my friends, while growing into my teens and early twenties.

As a teen and young adult, I had a normal expectation about my life purpose. I expected my adult life to be about having a good job, getting married, having a normal home and family. I did not have any sense of a mission in life, or strong purpose for my life. This came later, after age 28. One notable time of my life was getting involved in the punk rock movement in my late teens and early twenties. I began to drink a lot of alcohol, which had a very depressing effect on me. I began to do very poorly in college. I had spent one year of college in England – my dream come true, and I loved every minute of it. I felt very much at home there. I was depressed about returning to the US, drank heavily, and at the age of 21, attempted suicide. I took a few drinks, and swallowed a large, large handful of aspirin. I hoped I would not wake up, but I did so the next day, feeling very ill. However, there were no permanent physical side-effects from this. I don’t recall any spiritual experience associated with this event. Shortly afterward, I move to NYC which was a good move for me. I stopped drinking around that time. I current do not take any alcohol or drugs, and have not done so since age 28.

A couple of years ago, began to use a past-life regression CD from the Monroe Institute to help resolve issues from my birth. While using the CD’s, I saw myself as the infant in the incubator, looking down at the infant on its back. The incubator itself looked black – no white, fluffy, infant blankets – I saw myself as naked, with a black background, screaming and crying. I suddenly realized that in the past whenever I had pictured myself at the hospital, I always saw myself in a large black incubator, higher and isolated from the other white, infant beds, filled with quiet newborns wrapped in beautiful baby-blankets. When imagining that scene, I never saw myself as wrapped and cocooned in a safe, warm, cuddly environment, but my environment was cold, black, isolated, alone. I never imagined that Nurses would have held me, cuddled me, or removed me from the incubator. I also always pictured (though have no confirmation from either parent, neither did I ever ask them this question) that I was probably never held or cuddled by either parent for 6 months – during the 1960’s this would probably not have been thought of or allowed, given the medical environment at that time. I have no proof that this was the case, just an assumption.

While seeing this face – it was a short moment of time during the regression CD – I quickly experienced a flood of emotion – a cold, lonely, screaming infant, awash with abandonment, fear, confusion at being born too soon, the physical pain of being unable to breathe, perhaps the body beginning to die and then revive, perhaps multiple times, the removal of all maternal and/or human love, care, and touch, alone in a cold metal box. The thought of these emotions even now brings me to tears. Suddenly, that was all there was – it seemed that I wasn’t capable or wanted to bring all this up at that time. Shortly after this occurred, during the same meditation, the thought came in gently to “Focus only on the LIGHT within”. Since that time, I have not attempted any regression back to my birth.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: The date of my nde was between the time of my birth and for 6 months afterward.

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Life threatening event, but not clinical death. Premature birth in incubator My condition around the time of the birth experience was as a 3-month premature infant. At birth I weighed 1 pound, 6 ounces. The Doctor in charge notified my parents at the time of my birth that I would die; I was water baptized immediately into the Roman Catholic Church. I was placed in an incubator for the next 6 months. During these 6 months, multiple Nurses, Doctors, my father who was a physician, and mother who was a Nurse, all witnessed multiple episodes where I would cease breathing, heartbeat would cease, my skin would have turned gray, blue, purple, depending on the length of the episode. The Nurses would shake me to induce breathing and heartbeat. In particular my father witnessed many of these episodes; he worked at that hospital at that time). My mother witnessed these events often as well, when she visited me. At the time of my birth, both parents were healthy. None of my 7 siblings were born with any problems at birth – no low weight births, no medical complications. I had no medical problems at birth such as deformity, limb issues, circulation issues, nervous system issues, brain injury. While in the incubator, I would kick myself vigorously around inside. Being so small, the Nurses feared I would injure myself, so they placed me in a shoebox inside the incubator.

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I have no current awareness of experiencing a separation of my consciousness from my body

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the birth event, I currently have no awareness (as of this writing, dated 4/8/2017), of my level of consciousness and alertness during the experience(s); I have no current awareness of the experience being dream-like in any way

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I have no current awareness of hearing any unusual sounds or noises during the birth experience.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No I currently have no awareness of seeing a light during the birth experience(s)

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I have no current awareness of emotions felt during the experience(s

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic Roman Catholic. I remained Roman Catholic until age 28. My family was moderate in their Catholic beliefs and practices.

What is your religion now? Other After the spiritual experience at age 28, I left Roman Catholicism, and was water baptized and became a member of the Pentecostal New Life Assemblies. I remained there for about 6 years, then was spiritually directed to leave there and join the local Messianic Jewish Congregation B’rith Hadoshah. I remained there for 6-7 years, and was again spiritually directed to leave there. At that time, it was communicated to me that ‘My ministry would be outside of any organized religion or denomination”. Since leaving there, I have been extensively involved in studying the teachings of Sir Dr. David Hawkins, PhD, a teacher of enlightenment from Sedona, Arizona. He is now deceased. I have also been studying the teachings of Buddhism, Hinduism, and the material regarding near-death experiences. Since approximately 2012, I have been practicing meditation using the Holosync Solution, from the Centrepointe company.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No I have not had any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the birth experience, except for what has occurred after the spiritual experience at age 28 (detailed in STE posted on OBERF).

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No I currently have no awareness of meeting or seeing any other beings during the birth experience.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? I believe that my entire life has been the way it is as a direct result of my birth experience. I have the sense that it colors, shapes, and determines almost all things about me, whether I am aware of them or not. At age 56, I am glad for the experience, and glad that I had chosen it, and used it to become who I am today. I am also grateful for the strength it has given me – the inner strength I needed to grow spiritually as an adult came from the strength that I possessed as a premature infant, to survive that type of birth. I am glad for it, and grateful for it as well. I cherish it for the spiritual gifts and insight it has brought to me.

Following my birth experience, I have had an extremely transformative spiritual experience at age 28, which is explained in a separate mailing. Subsequent to that experience, I have been continuously experiencing what are called the after-effects of an nde, and transformative spiritual events. I have not taken any medications or substances which reproduced any part of the birth experience.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain The experience(s) at birth have been the cause (or made worse) of difficulties in family relationships and with others. For as long as I can remember, within my family I have been treated as ‘different’. At one time, I recall my mother responding to one of my siblings that my birth was a ‘family secret’. I strongly recall feeling angry, and wondering why this was ‘shameful’, or ‘secret’? I certainly wasn’t a preemie at that time! A family friend who helped my mother babysit us and clean house for her, always (to this day) mentions to anyone who will listen how I was ‘so tiny, and so quiet, I never made any sound, I never talked, I was always so different from the other brothers and sisters…” Many many times growing up, my mother and siblings have mentioned to complete strangers, or their friends, how “I’m the preemie”…this sometimes upon introducing me to people – the very first thing mentioned, when I’m 23, 45, 56, years of age, is “She’s the preemie”.

I have difficult in forming close relationships with people – family as well as friends. People who ‘know me’, and people who just meet me, almost always mention that I’m hard to get to know, aloof, I don’t like people, etc. From my point of view, I try to become friends as best I know how, but it seems to be a skill I don’t have. I think it is a combination of effects from nde at birth, spending the first 6 months in the incubator more than likely without much human contact (I don’t think in the 1960’s it was encouraged that the preemies were held or cuddled – in any case I had to stay in the incubator in order to breath), being a strong introvert personality, and the spiritual experience which happened at age 28. The combination of these makes me almost hermit-like, it is difficult for me to relate closely with people, although, I like people! I can’t seem to be able to befriend them as others do. I have never had a close boyfriend, and am not married currently. I currently have no close friends. I made ‘friends’ of a sort later in life at churches I attended, but when leaving those churches, the ‘friendship-acquaintances’ ended, due to religious beliefs.

The birth experience affected my ability to form close, long-lasting relationships with both friends and family. My daily life was not adversely affected by the birth experience, I grew up normally. The birth experience did not affect my religious practices, until age 28 – I grew up as a normal Roman Catholic. My birth experience I believe negatively affected my career choices – I had no idea what to do with my life, I wandered through most of it, never knowing what I should be doing. For a large part of it, all I wanted to do was to live in England – nothing more than that, and a very poor idea for having a career! I seemed unable to grasp that I needed to work at creating a solid, practical future for myself in this life. That idea was always difficult for me, as a young adult – I usually just let things happen, or not happen, as they would. I think I missed out on a lot by not having any plan for my life. I always just assumed that things would happen the right way – I’m not all that sure at 56 years old, that they’ve done just that.

After the NDE:

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No I currently have no awareness of any psychic, paranormal, or other special gifts following the experience that I did not have prior to the birth experience. However, one experience from my childhood is remembered by a sister – she states that I cried each day at kindergarten, saying that “I don’t like the color of the walls”. Perhaps as a child I was sensitive to colors, sounds, lights, and didn’t remember it; and most likely in a family of 7 siblings, my parents were too busy to take notice if I was sensitive to these things. It would have been overlooked in such a hectic home environment, and probably looked on as foolish by my parents – not something spiritual.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The emotions I have had following the birth experience have been very deep, surprisingly, and seem to have affected me throughout my life, though while young I did not seem to notice it. I have increasingly felt a sense of ‘otherness’ in my family, of not belonging. If not for the fact that I look just like one of my brothers, I have often believed that I was either adopted, or from a different culture such as Jewish, etc., because I have felt so out of place in my family for such a long time. I have felt at various times anger at the mention of the birth experience, while I am an adult; and some anger at how it has seemed to pervade my life, yet I have no actual memory of any reason for it happening. It has always been a question-mark hanging over my life – why did it happen? Did I choose it to happen? What did it mean? Why me? If I have had an nde because of it, why don’t I remember it?

At age 56, and after having done much meditation, use of holosync, several deep spiritual experiences, a deeper understanding of family members and their own life-issues, I am currently at peace with myself and family – though there are still no deep bonds, I am happy with who we are, and who I have become, in particular. In spite of what is written here, I am at a very good place spiritually, mentally, psychologically, with family relationships.

These associated emotions also relate to the best and worst part of the experience. I am overjoyed at having had such a ‘miraculous’ birth! I love it as a part of me, but hate the ‘not knowing’ about the experience. As I’ve grown older I can really cherish my health, more than ever. I could easily have been in a wheelchair for life, with extreme disabilities – I was kept healthy, and that is such a blessing to me as I get older.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes My birth experience as a preemie is known to family and some friends. As I am not aware of any particular spiritual experience associated with it at this time, there is nothing to share with others about that part. I strongly doubt that my family would accept the idea that I have had a near-death experience at birth. Notably, after my experience at age 28, my family began to complain of me that I must have had brain damage at birth, or some other kind of mental damage, which is now manifesting itself. They have said this in all seriousness, not joking at all. While growing up, I have not noticed any positive influence upon family members, if any spiritual experience had occurred at birth. This in particular is one of the reasons why I have struggled with believing that I have had an nde at birth – there is no evidence of its effect on family members. After age 28, that spiritual experience has had a very negative effect on family members.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I would offer the following suggestions as to how to improve the questionnaire, and any other questions that could be asked to help communicate the experience: How did the experiencer subsequently deal with the experience they went through? How did they change emotionally, physically, mentally, psychologically, etc. How did the experiencer work through their experience on a spiritual/religious level. Not just that they went from one set of beliefs or religion to another, but the actual process. My spiritual growth and change was profound, and I’m sure others were as well – this could be a help to others in traditional religions, who might fear a change in belief or doctrine – let me know it is spiritually safe to ‘explore’ other avenues of belief/faith/dogma.