I passed out in the ambulance but at the hospital, I just remember awaking to see so many doctors and nurses surrounding me in the emergency room, all panicking. They were all trying frantically to get me to tell them what was wrong. I had absolutely no idea except that I could barely breathe and realized I needed to remain as calm as I could. At that time, looking at them all surrounding me and panicking, I was struck by how calm I was able to remain while I could visibly see that they were unable to and wishing they would. Sure enough, I gave in to their insistent requests, and as soon as I began uttering the first word, I heard my breath whoosh right out from and through me. All of a sudden, I felt no pain, pressure, or panic.
Instantaneously before me were many of my deceased family members, only two of whom I recognized in earthly life. I was in absolute AWE. I was SPEECHLESS. Everyone was calm. I felt at PEACE. I just felt their all-encompassing, unconditional love for me. Then my father, who died twenty-six years previously, was before me, pouring unconditional love through his eyes into mine. Not a word was spoken; just pure unconditional love was shared. I was in utter awe. Then my twin brother, who had committed suicide six months earlier, suddenly appeared to my right at the same time as I was receiving unconditional love from my father. He appeared as a yellow, misty/cloudy substance flowing closer and downward toward me.
I was engrossed in loving awe awaiting his form to change and reveal his earthly form when suddenly I felt the pressure of my fiance's body sobbing and crying on me. (He later told me I had stopped breathing and he began crying for me not to 'go'.) All the excruciating pain that my body was in prior came back as suddenly as it had left. I remember feeling so much love for my brother awaiting him to change form, and then suddenly being in absolute agony in my body with my fiance crying over the top of me. Instantly, I felt intense anger towards him because I mistakenly associated him as the cause of the pain I suddenly felt in my body and at not being able to see my brother.
Date NDE Occurred: December 29, 2002
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Allergic reaction Possible allergic reaction to medications taken at the time. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I stopped breathing in emergency room.I was taken to the emergency room by ambulance because I was having a hard time breathing due to a possible allergic reaction from the medications I was taking at the time.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Complete Acceptance; No Resistance. In Awe, Open. No Barriers.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time was non-existent, yet chronological - hard to explain - i.e. engrossed in what appeared at each moment - Acceptance.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? Very clear, bright; vivid.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I only heard the crisp whoosh sound of my breath as it left my body but heard from within.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes See above. Only Unconditional Love was communicated.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, Awe, Peace, Curiosity.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain I felt drawn towards my father and although I was experiencing complete unconditional love from him, I felt his presence at the same time preventing me from going toward him - as if he was a boundary - as though I was not allowed to go any further; his face was directly in front of me. The boundary was firm and non-negotiable, which I accepted unconditionally.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Never had a religion, grew up in an alcoholic home where they fought about which religion was best, Protestant or Catholic. Parents were Catholic; Lost my faith though in God, whom I had a close personal relationship with, after other traumatizing person
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No I have never had any religion. I am spiritual as opposed to religious. The faith, though, that I had in God has been replaced now with a Knowing.
What is your religion now? Liberal Spiritual. Previous lost faith turned into Knowing.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No I have never had any religion. I am spiritual as opposed to religious. The faith, though, that I had in God has been replaced now with a Knowing.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes After the experience, I came to know many things about time, love, ego, relationships, etc.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Less than six months later, I left my fiancΘ. After almost a year apart, we have now grown closer than we have ever been, learning a whole new way of communication.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have never been able to find any WORDS that describe the all-encompassing, unconditional love, awe, and peace I felt during the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I always had an awareness/knowing about when people close to me were going to die. Now, I get insights and ideas or am directed to knowledge that I am able to help myself and others with.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I wondered later why I did not see my mother. I was especially grateful to see my father because I had loved him so much and he had died when I was ten years old. I had sometimes wondered if he actually loved me though because he was very distant, but I always thought that my life would have been better if he had not died because he would have protected me from traumatic experiences that occurred. I wanted so bad to see my twin brother in his earthly form, and was so mad because I couldn't. Because I have lost all but one family member, who is in hiding, and have had many traumatic experiences, I have felt alone and unloved, but now I know I am loved unconditionally, so my job is to continue to love myself unconditionally and pass it on to others as well.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my family doctor a couple of days later and when I looked up to see his face, it was grey and in shock. He immediately changed the subject and moved his chair away. We never talked about it since. I told my fiancΘ right away but I was still mad at him for making me come back that I did not care what he thought/felt at the time. He now has been influenced by my experience as I have gained so many insights and revelations that have changed my life for the better that he now has been learning what I have taught him and he has made major changes in his life as well. I told my close friend who also feels like she has had a second chance at life as well. She has also made major changes in her life too. I have told one aunt of mine whose husband I saw during my NDE. She seemed happy, and I now see her wanting to improve her life as well. I share only with people I feel would benefit from the experience. I have told others who all seem to be grateful and curious in learning what I have since that time.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain When I heard myself telling my doctor that I had seen my deceased family members when I went to the hospital, I realized that I recalled remembering from somewhere (probably TV?) That when people die they see their deceased relatives, but never ever knowing or even imagining or questioning what it would be like. And realizing that if that was death then it is not what it is cracked up to be.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I always knew it was real because of who I saw and how I felt during it. I had never felt unconditionally loved in all my life, plus there is nothing to be afraid of.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Now, I realize that this earthly life is the illusion. Only love is real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No The closest I come to the feeling I had during my NDE is when I read other accounts of NDE. I cry tears of joy.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel lucky too that I no longer have or need to doubt. It certainly was a blessing in disguise. Death is the absolute opposite of what you think it would be.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? If I wasn't so tired, I could probably think better; however, I appreciate what you've done. I wanted to elaborate more on what I've learned since, but I'm too tired.