I had been sick for six weeks and was in a lot of emotional pain. I was exhausted after nightly nocturnal sweats where I was losing a large amount of water each night and had lost about forty pounds. I was a very unhappy person and didn't like my life. I wanted to die. I prayed for death for a few days before the incident. I was actually complaining to God that the service was terrible in that I was begging for death and felt that I was being ignored.
I suddenly noticed that my location was at the top of the room, at ceiling level, and I could see my body on the bed below me. I don't remember where in the sequence it was but I recall that as I ascended out of my body, I was aware of an orgasmic body reaction as I escaped gravity. It felt wonderful and I questioned if the state would stay with me forever, as it was steady and didn't seem to lose its intensity and it didn't fade as time progressed as orgasms on earth do. It soon became bothersome as it was distracting and I wanted it to leave. It quickly did. In retrospect, I can place this part in the ascension phase, as I left my body.
After a short while viewing my body from the top of the room, I became aware of a voice saying that I was not ignored, but that it was not my time to leave. I responded that I wanted to leave and felt that my life belonged to me so it was my decision. I noticed a figure over my left shoulder framed in a dim light in an alcove. I realized that I was talking with this entity but we were not speaking with an outer voice but were communicating telepathically. I was told that I could leave at any time, that I had my life because I asked for it and could end it any time I chose to. I said, 'Good, I choose to.'
I was soon sitting before a large screen and seeing my life experiences scroll by - the good, the bad and the ugly. I was strangely not connected to the incidents. I was unemotional as they passed by my vision, even if the experiences were very traumatic when they happened. I felt nothing. I recognized them all and even saw things that happened that I didn't remember as part of the experience but had no reaction to them. After a while the 'review' was over and the discussion returned to the subject of this is not my time and I needed to go back to finish the life. I answered that I didn't want to do that and noticed a very bright light off to my left at the end of a tunnel. I bolted up and started to run for the light. I heard the entity say that I shouldn't go there, as I would not be able to return. I said I had no intention of returning and soon found myself in the tunnel, which was formed out of cave like walls that undulated in and out to the tunnels interior dimension. There were people hiding between the walls and seemed very stressed. I kept going until I entered a giant room. I saw outlines of many people who had no features that I recognized. Yet, I knew that they were loved ones. I quickly greeted them and moved further into the light.
I was now on a stage or podium and the light was fully on me. The light penetrated me fully and I had never felt love like that before. Every cell in my body was full of love from the light and I began to laugh and cry simultaneously. I was crying for joy. I knew I was delivered into God's light and laughed at myself for doubting I ever would. And the love kept coming. I felt that I was going to burst; I wanted to somehow return something but I had nothing to give. Then it hit me. I had been there before, in exactly the same place. In addition, I wanted to have something to give back and had nothing to give. It suddenly occurred to me that this is the reason that I had taken the life in the first place, to get something I could bring back to give in return for the ecstasy I experienced in the light. All I had for my experience of my life was complaints. I immediately realized that I had to return to fulfill my purpose in taking the life and no sooner had I realized this but I was back in my bed and seeing the whole thing evaporating for my readjustment to being here on earth.
Date NDE Occurred: 2/26/69
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I was misdiagnosed with pneumonic tuberculosis. Other I was alone in bed at my mother's home.
I have to say yes, as I subsequently found out that pneumonic tuberculosis typically has a six week death after onset. I had my experience six weeks after I first got sick. The experience was on my twenty-seventh birthday.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I was in the light.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in the light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see and understand everything I encountered except for the people standing behind the walls in the tunnel. I didn't realize what that was all about until many years later.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was riveted to all that I encountered, my focus was riveted.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes See narrative.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes See narrative.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes See narrative.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm see narrative.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? A sense of being driven.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control See narrative.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No Yes, if you consider the ceiling of my room a boundary.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'None' Liberal is a lie. I needed to select one of the three to submit the questionnaire. The correct answer is Agnostic and none as for religion.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I contemplate and am in God's love. I feel the love of God in my heart always. I do not put it there; it has been there since that time.
What is your religion now? Moderate Eckankar highly spiritual
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I contemplate and am in God's love. I feel the love of God in my heart always. I do not put it there; it has been there since that time.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Not during the experience but yes afterward.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No I know that everything and everyone is a part of a whole. Together we are God and we know this when we can love it all.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes At first I tried to talk about it to others. They were unreceptive and shunned me. The actual experience was hard to talk about as there were no words in English to describe the experiences.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I became an empath and could access the Akashic records to help others.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being in the light.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes About ten years. Early on I was shunned. But, after the NDE books came out people were more receptive and I shared it many times.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I had a difficult time finding words to describe what I saw.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Ultimately I discovered that I am the source of my experience and that I have a commitment to my manifestation as close as I can get to my ideals. I do this out of my love for God and in compliance with my desire to have something to give back. I know that God only wants one thing from me and that is my self-realization of me as an aspect of God. My task is to be worthy of the gift.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No