On May 18, 1970, the day my first son was born, I had serious medical complications that led to a serious post-partum hemorrhage. I received several blood transfusions. I had an out of body experience wherein I witnessed the birth of my son and then heard the doctor tell my husband that they could save the baby but I was going to die. From my vantage point at the top of the ceiling, I started screaming at them that I was not dead! But they couldn't hear me. I was terrified! Then I witnessed my own funeral and burial. It was terrifying because I wasn't dead. Then everything basically went black. It took three days before I could actually communicate and consciously respond to my surroundings. I was thus terrified of dying. I decided this awful experience was due to drugs. It took me years to get over it!
Now, let's fast forward to July 1979. Ten days after delivering my fourth son, I began hemorrhaging again. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I received several more blood transfusions and surgery (D&C), to stop the bleeding. I woke up in the recovery room feeling fine. With encouragement, my husband went back to work with a promise that he would return in a few hours and take me home. I dosed off only to wake up as my father entered the room. He lived 90 miles away and his visit was a happy surprise. He bent over to kiss me and I felt a shudder run through my body; just nerves I thought.
But then my teeth started to chatter and I began to have uncontrolled spasms. I was burning up! My father went running from the room to get help. Medical personnel came running into the room. A plastic sheet was thrown over my body and them someone started dumping buckets of ice on me. I felt every piece of ice as if it were a knife piercing my burning flesh. I was in great pain! Then my doctor appeared. I heard the nurse say I can't get a pulse, her temperature is over 106, and her organs are shutting down. Suddenly I could feel it, the hemorrhage again. I looked up at my doctor and said, ‘I'm bleeding again'. ‘No’, he said, 'you are having an allergic reaction to the blood transfusions you received.’ 'No,' I thought, 'He doesn't know. I am hemorrhaging! I am dying and my spirit is flowing out!'
I was then suddenly, overwhelming sad. I was sad to be dying without saying, 'Goodbye. I love you.' to my husband and children or my father standing right outside the door. Then I died! The first awareness I had was the absence of pain; what a relief! Then I became aware of the blackness. It was as if I was in a place of tremendous energy; a great black void, but I was not fearful. The void held me in calm and peace. I knew I had died to the world but I had not lost consciousness for even a second. I was still me and still alive.
Then I was with Him and enveloped in such a great light and love it defies description. There I rested in joy, bliss and grace. He spoke to me, telling me that it was not my time and that I needed to return to my body, to complete my life's mission. I did not respond to His remark, but instead asked Him how he had done that? He spoke to me without words, without a voice, and yet I had clearly heard and understood every unspoken word! He said to me that I was in a different ‘place’, one in which communication was purely exchanged through the language of love. Here everyone spoke heart to heart and soul to soul so that there could never be a misunderstanding. When I had been on Earth and used the spoken word there had often been great confusion as to what I thought I had said and what had been heard by my listener, they were often very different.
He then reminded me again that it was not my time and that I needed to return to my body and resume my earth life. Then I reminded Him that He had promised me free agency, and I was choosing to exercise that agency to stay with Him. He laughed with great joy and mirth at my stubbornness, saying, ‘Yes, Laura, I would expect you to argue for your own case. The decision will of course be yours! But first let me show you some things.’ I was suddenly struck with wonderment and awe. He knew me. Everything about me was already known. I was part of his creation and in me was the spark of God; it could not be otherwise. He was all knowing, he was all love, and I was a part of it all.
Before me, there suddenly appeared a pristine beautiful white glistening beach. I saw my three oldest sons sitting together on that beach. Individually, I saw many parts of their future lives. I saw their struggles and their hardships. I saw how my death would add to their hardships; sadness, loneliness, and anger seemed often to surround them. Then I saw the contrast I, as a Mother, would be in their lives. Their paths were lightened because of my love for them.
But still I could not imagine leaving Him; being apart From His love. So I pointed out the beach to Him, each single grain of sand and how there were millions of them. Surely, one small grain of sand in all of creation would not be so missed. Besides, they had a father, a wonderful loving father, to care for them and teach them, care for them and love them. Also, I had realized at that point that time was different and did not really matter. After all, as a mortal how do you understand forever or eternity or no end? Life may appear long, hard and dreary but really it was a flash, equal to one grain of sand on that expansive beach. He brought my focus back to the beach explaining, 'Notice again the beach and every individual grain of sand. Notice how each grain touches every other grain. If every individual gain of sand chose to remove itself, there would be no beach. I got it on all levels instantly! No one could replace me. No one was in fact replaceable, ever. Everyone must contribute their own unique part of the beach.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that I had only witnessed the lives of three of my sons. 'Where is my baby,' I asked? Why is he separated from his brothers? 'He is younger; he will be raised differently.' was the reply. That cannot be I said. His father would not let that happen. His father will not be with him long, I was given to understand; he will not have the influence on him as he does on your other sons. At this point, I witnessed a future event in the life of my husband, an accident in which he would lose his life. I did not bring this memory back with me, but somewhere in the corner of my mind, it remained. I would remember it vividly four years later as my husband lay dying.
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
It was as if when I was focused on Him that was my complete and only awareness. But, when changing focus, such as on the beach, l saw much more. My life flashed before me; a life review was in order. When it was over, my head was hung in shame for he had seen it too. I was not happy about many, many of my actions. Then, in awe, I turned to him asking, ‘how can you still love me so completely after witnessing my many sins?' 'You are a child of God', He said, 'and God Is Love. I see you purely as Love.' There Was no judgment only love coming from Him. In order for me to understand this however I needed to forgive myself and realize that I was a part of divine love. Through the Atonement, this was made possible. It's very difficult to explain. I only know I remember nothing that I saw in my life review; only the memory of having one remains and also of the love! My surroundings were then brought into focus as I became aware of a flower, a magnificent flower. It was rather like a perfect Gerber daisy glowing in brilliant orange hued colors, it was alive, and it loved me! In Amazement, I turned again to Him in wonderment and awe, exclaiming, 'This flower loves me. I can feel it.' 'Everything,' He said 'was made in love for you!'
Then I saw and felt all. It was me and I was it; the firmament with colors alive and loving, stunning colors of light and water, each drop alive and loving; no word, no words!
Now it really was time to return but first I had one more question. 'Why me,' I asked, 'what made me so special that I was allowed to have this happen to me?’ 'Nothing,' He said, 'love falls on everyone equally; everyone is special. This was just something you needed to accomplish your chosen life mission.'
I was almost ready to return but first I needed to secure a promise that I could soon return to Him. Again, I felt his great mirth; his tremendous love for me and his complete knowing of me, because you see there really is no other option! We all return. He did then remind me that the only thing I would get to bring back with me was love; the love I gave away.'
When I left my body and was told it was not my time and that I needed to return; from that instant until I agreed to ‘come back’ the entire experience happened at a different level of consciousness
Date NDE Occurred: July 1979
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes 'Heard the emergency personal say there was no pulse, blood pressure, organ failure, fever approaching 107. I think we have lost her.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain It's hard to answer because once I left I ‘chose’ to disconnect from my body and surroundings. However, I could have been aware had I chosen too at any time. I was never not aware; I was just not focused in that arena.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was aware of tremendous energy and aliveness and that everything was connected and alive and held together with love. There was not even a remote possibility that I could never not exist.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time did not exist.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no vision per say. There was just total awareness of all. Not that I didn't see because I did; it was though all the heightened senses. It's difficult to explain; like when you have a very vivid dream; your eyes are closed but you see.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing was also through awareness; no spoken words but I could still hear. I heard and felt the harmony of the universe, like music, but on a soul level; again love.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I was aware at some point of my progenitors. I was aware of hundreds of them as it was explained to me that I had chosen to come to earth to complete a certain mission. The mission was unique to me but also had a universal impact. I needed a specific DNA, if you will, and my ancestors had united in love to give that to me. There were no mistakes in my birth it was perfection universal.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain I was aware of total light.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was aware that I was in another Realm. Not necessarily a place.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt love, joy, awareness, completeness, energy-connectedness to all, and perfection of love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Everything made complete sense and I got it!
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future At some point He showed me my husband's death and that my sons would then be ‘orphaned’ at a young age. I did not remember seeing my husband's death once I came back but knew that something very profound had been shown to me to encourage me to return to my body. Four years later, my husband died because of an accident. During the four days it took him to die, the part of my near death that I had forgotten was shown to me again.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Mormon Though I was raised Mormon at the time of my experience I would describe myself as a Spiritual Person not necessairly a religious one..
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I do not adhere to any specific organized religion. I am me, whatever that is. I am spiritual and I feel deeply connected.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Mormon I do not actively participate in any Organized Religion.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I Hoped that there was life beyond Death .. Because I was taught that as a child . Now I Know there is No Death as there was not One Second in which I did Not Exist as Laura. Also I Really became Spiritual .. Not Religious.. There was Just So Muchore than I Could Ever Have Imagined! Also got a Glimpse of the Perfection , connection & Love of all things & for a moment UNDERSTOOD .
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes It greatly opened my mind. God does not judge. See above.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I was melted into an embrace of such pure love and welcoming joy and peace there are no words to describe it, nor were words used but I plainly heard.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I KNEW I was with JESUS .. Though I cannot Tell you What He looked like, because there seemed to Be Just Light I was Very Aware I was in His Embrass of Pure Love & Light.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain Before my NDE I had Never given re-incarnation any real thought. But upon returning I ‘Felt’ there was truth in it some way. Not Certain What? Universal consciousness-- Cellular Memory from my Ancestors? Past lives ? Parrell lives as time is non existing
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I Became Aware of a Beautiful Flower. It bent toward me and I could Feel love ... It was Alive with Energy and Love. It was like a Big Gerber Daisy almost .. Brillant , glowing , Orange I could feel it had intelligence. I commented in Awe that this Flower was
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I knew that I was in the Presence of God! I was very Surprised at the form of communication as I ‘Heard Words’, but No Words were Actually Spoken .. I Asked Why? What form of Communication were we using?
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I learned that there is no death; that I have been and will always be; that I am a part of God and, as such, I am love.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I saw my Three oldest Sons on a Beautiful White Sandy Beech. I had just been shown how my death would impact their future lives. How there lives would be a struggle without me to ease their paths in many ways . I did Not want to leave Such love as I was e
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was Never Not Aware of my continued existence. I was aware of my progenitors.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes As in the above description of the Beach scene.. I realized that We are each on an individual mission of Growth, learning , understanding, experiencing and Enjoying.. But just as it is Individual it is ALSO Univerasal as We all Alone & Collectively add to
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes As I was about to return He reminded me ‘Remember, Laura, that the ONLY THING YOU GET TO BRING BACK WITH YOU WHEN YOU ‘DIE’ IS LOVE. LOVE IS THE ONLY THING THAT IS REAL !!’ .
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I look at life differently now. I am open-minded when it comes to organized religion. I cannot subscribe to any. I feel deeply connected to all of mankind. I know that God is love and that there is no such thing as a judgment from God. His love is unconditional. We are all a part of God and each other and there is no greater and no one lesser. We are one. As human beings living on Earth's plane, some things are very difficult to understand or explain, but in the end, we will get it. Love is all there is and God resides in me. Since my return, I can feel the spark whenever I pause to do so. It is universal.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I look at life differently and am very open-minded. I expect guidance and I know I will never be alone. I am more tolerant of all people and life and feel a sacredness to all of creation.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no words in any language on this earth to explain. The communication was complete through heart, mind, spirit and love. In fact, I asked why communication was not through the spoken word and was told that words are misunderstood. In the realm I was in, all communication was spirit to spirit and heart to heart; trough the pure language of love and God, that way misunderstandings could not happen.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience My remembrance has expanded as events in my life have taken place. Like Flashbacks almost. As when my Husband was dying.. I fell asleep at the foot of his bed and a memory flooded me that was so Stark & Real that it could not be denied.. I knew I had seen the events around his Death when I Had my NDE..
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I seem to have moments of awareness and sometimes I know 'things'. I have dreams that have come true. I do not have any fear of non-existence. Unusual experiences have happened to me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of them!
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was many, many years. I slightly mentioned it in passing sometimes. I have been doing Hospice for seven years and I mention it often. Since 2001 it has guided my Life almost entirely!
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was in shock! I tried to tell my doctor, but he didn't want to hear it. I did not know in what context to explain it. When I read Dr. Raymond Moody's book I was greatly relieved. I felt alone and did not know how to think about it or explain it. I did not think anyone would want to hear it or really believe me, but I could never have denied the reality. I knew it was real. Too many unknown things were explained to me.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened. It was real. I know I was meant to share it in the work I was chosen to do.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes As mentioned earlier, I felt it when my husband was dying as a result of an accident. Also, this may sound strange, but when I saw the movie 'Contact' with Jodie Foster. Chills began to run down my spine when she was drifting in space and the colors of the sky and the expansiveness if the universe appeared, I could not stop the tears from flowing. Nothing compared to what I saw but a flash.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? When I had my NDE it was difficult to process it. Then I read Dr. Moody's book and I vowed that someday I would meet him. I was so grateful and wanted to thank him and also we shared the same last name; I thought that was awesome. Fast forward to 2001 and through a very strange series of events I found out that he was teaching at a college in Las Vegas. I was living there at that time. I called him and he invited me to speak to a couple of his classes. Before I went to speak an even stranger sequence of events occurred that led me to a story of one of my ancestors that had also had a NDE and written about it in 1900. All of which led me to sell my recycling company that I had started with my young sons after their dad died and then pursue a career as a hospice and grief counselor. Now I tell my story whenever it seems needed for my patients or their family.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I have none.