While on the ventilator I remember seeing my hands so swollen, I said to myself, 'Oh sh#$, I'm septic.' Then I saw my friend holding the catheter. The urine was so dark. I said again, 'Oh no, multi-system failure!' Then it happened. I found myself fully aware and present, yet all that I could see was the most beautiful of all-consuming light, everywhere just the light. It was like the center of a flame. I had an overwhelming feeling of ok-ness, like more than love, more than peace and beyond serenity. It was so good that words cannot describe it. Then I heard my own voice say, 'But he is only 9,' referring to my son. It was a moment of doubt. In that instant, the light was gone and I was sitting in my hospital room. It was my same room but I was sitting up in subdued light. I was free of all equipment. I could literally feel the bed and feel my being. I felt confused, yet amazed. Then there was a knock on my window. I laughed because I knew I was on the second floor. I put my hand over my eyes still laughing, and said 'Okay, I will go along, come in.' When I opened my eyes my Grandfather was standing at the foot of my bed. He was nodding, 'No,' while shaking his finger in a no-no manner. I wanted to touch him to talk to him. Before I could speak a word or ask a question, I was back in my bed. I could hear my friend say, 'Oh, she is drooling,' while gently wiping my face. She since told me that happened days before I woke up. When I did wake, I cried for weeks. At times, still I wonder if I made the right choice. I feel that I have drifted through the cosmos before yet can't remember when. I have such a strong desire to go there, yet I do not want to leave those I love. I settle in the knowledge that one day I will go there again. I don't often admit that this was the most wonderful beautiful experience of my entire life.
Date NDE Occurred: January 2002
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Other: Septic on a ventilator with ARDS
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain While in the all-consuming light that was all there was, no body, no beings, just presence. I knew I was not alone.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The entire time
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time was not relevant or I had no concept of it.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was the same.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The only sounds I heard were my own voice and a knock on the window.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw plain as day, and true reality, my Grandfather.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was the same room I was in but in some other place and time.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt confusion, happiness, and a sense of ok-ness that I cannot put a word to.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I lost all faith in organized religion. I now believe they are a harm to humanity causing a division amongst us all. I believe they are the root of so much hate and death with the ridiculous argument about who is the real God or who is right. The truth is nobody knows in reality, not even I as close as I came. I believe that we are but stardust as is everything in the universe. I believe that we are but an energy that can be neither created nor destroyed only transformed. I believe that each and every one of us is connected and together we form our reality. I could go on and on. I believe we have unlimited abilities just not the knowledge of how to access them.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future Not during that experience, but thru my lifetime I have had many many dreams, or bits of life, come true. I have been called everything from problem child; thrown out of Sunday School, weirdo, ring leader etc. I have been told that I am an empath, a channeler, I had a co-worker offer to take me for a past life regression because she believed me to be an actual Indigo. I looked that one up and wondered who wrote a paper about me. I have had such feelings of being lost or not right that I saw therapists, only to be told I am amazing. I have been diagnosed with ADD and now take the medicine so I can sleep and have more quiet in my head. I have seen psychics who tell me I have a gift and should use it. I have a friend tell me that people gravitate to me and asked if I noticed. I do not. I have always loved to talk to strangers it's natural for me to strike up conversation in the checkout line or anywhere really. I tried meditation but was scared by it. I felt like I was about to leave and it would shock me back, lot's of things. Sometimes I get an overwhelming desire to go home, but don't know how to get there.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I had a moment of doubt about staying. I heard my own voice say 'but he is only 9' referring to my son.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I do not know whether there is a 'God.' I am sure heaven is not in the clouds. I believe we are spirits having a human existence, I believe it is ridiculous to believe we are alone in this universe. I love to lay out at night and watch the stars. At times, they seem so close I can touch them. I believe we are a small part of something infinite and amazing.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I guess I may be labeled a spiritualist. I do not believe in organized religion. I believe they are harmful.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I no longer believe in organized religion. I believe the 'truth' is unknown, the biggest mystery of life. I know that what does happen is good and nothing to fear.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw nothing but knew I was not alone.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No I do not know who or what was with me in the light
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Yes my belief in organized religion dramatically changed. I now understand that we simply do not know and that is okay.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I know that there is life/exhistance after death. Is it another dimension, place, time, I can not say because I was not allowed to stay or ask questions.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I did not "see" a God, but know I was not alone
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? Unknown
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I know that there is more than this earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I know our purpose is to simply thrive, to learn and to love.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was there in a real physical place, I could see and feel everything
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain I know now that love is the answer. That fear, hate and sadness are barriers to true fulfillment
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I have had greater struggles against oppression, manipulation, lying, and corruption. I sometimes feel that it is hopeless. That this world is too far gone, and how can I possibly make a difference.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember it all very clearly
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes More of a continually increasing awareness, awakening, realization, and at times an overwhelming desire to go home, but don't know how to get there.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I often struggle with what my grandfather meant, whether it was 'not now', or 'wrong choice'.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Right away
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I thought there was a tunnel and light. Nothing at all like what I experienced.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Hard to explain really. I was totally present, awake and aware. I could feel the bed, my body, hear my voice and feel the laughter in my chest.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Because I was there.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I wish I had someone to help me learn more. I wish I were not afraid to let go during meditation.
© 2014 NDERF, Jody Long & Jeffrey Long, MD. All Rights Reserved.