John M NDE

Experience Description

I came back to consciousness after the procedure because I couldn't breathe. I pushed the button for the nurse. I got out, 'I can't breathe.' Then everything went black and the big panic was on for the staff. I remember hearing the big doors slam, seeing the lights in the hallway, and then nothing, just blackness. Then I saw myself floating in a sea of very dark blackness. I felt total love, NO judgment, and no negativity at all. I heard the doctor talking to the interns about what to do. They had tried everything medical, but NOTHING worked because I did not want to come back. I had never felt SO loved, SO calm, NO pain, and NOTHING negative...NOTHING. Around me, it was completely flat black. I had NO fear of ANY kind. It was WONDERFUL and AMAZING. It felt like graduation day because I was finally free of this life and ready to move on. The doctor in charge asked what should be done to bring me back. A female voice said to put pressure on the nerves of the points of the jaw. That worked. I was SO angry that I had NO choice in the matter. I did NOT want to come back!!!

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1998?

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. Allergic Reaction. Drug or medication overdose. While under general anesthesia. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) While under general anesthesia, they did everything to bring me back. Nothing worked because I did not want to come back. I was in for a bronchoscopy. They gave me codeine, to which I am allergic. The procedure went well, but I woke up from not being able to breathe, I had enough time to push the emergency button until the nurse came, then I died.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I could hear everything in the emergency room; EVERYTHING that was said once I was not coming back. The doctor in-charge used me like a teaching tool, as if my death was no big deal. I have no idea how long I was dead for but I estimate several minutes, at LEAST 8 minutes. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was weird. I knew I was dead, but I was not scared. I did NOT want to come back. I saw a faint blob of bluish white light off in the distance, and then I felt the pain. After the pain, I was back to unconsciousness. I felt nothing until I woke up and was I angry!

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was trying to stay over there when they brought me back. The pain was HUGE.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I was NOT aware of ANY passage of time. Time seemed not to exist.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same, only all I could see was I, curled up in the darkness, like a baby in the womb.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain There were flashing lights going by, but I'm pretty sure they were the overhead lights in the hallway to the emergency room.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain A small dot of light that was fuzzy, not clearly defined, way off in the distance

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt pure LOVE, NO pain, and NO judgment of any kind.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated i have explored many different'religions and failths' none of them 'rang true' for me. i was born into the Protestant faith, but at an early age, i had WAY TOO MANY questions that those 'in charge' could NOT answer to my satisfaction and they DID NOT approve of my questioning what they were telling us to believe... it all seemed So contrived and one sided, very controlling for them, and no freedom to think, ask WHY or not believe... churches at an early age gave me the 'willies' and they still do... FAITH comes from within... NOT from a building and definitely NOT from some guy/gal in a uniform or costume who tells you what to believe. and if they ask you for $$$ WALK AWAY... maybe even RUN.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes My religious practices are MUCH stronger. I know that there is much more to this life than making a buck. All things that we do matter, I'm just not sure WHY.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated i am a man of great faith, and now i know that there is something 'after' this life, what that is...i am not sure, but i DO know that there IS a place i will go to after my passing from this life/place

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had looked into many beliefs before this, and was NOT sure of any one thing. I had always believed that this life was NOT the end of everything. I have always believed in something after this earthly 'life'.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now KNOW that there is something after this life. I am more sensitive than ever before. I feel things in others peoples' lives FAR MORE than I ever did before. I now have heightened sensitivity to all things. I can find things people have lost. I have a KNOWING about things, danger in particular. I can tell when someone is sick. I can scan a person's aura field and feel, what I call a vortex in their field, that goes to a point on the skin/body and that they should get it checked out. I have done this a couple of times now. Sometimes I find myself 'blurting' things out at people and before I realize what I am saying, I have said it, it hardly ever works out good for me, when I do this with people. It FLOORS them and shocks them to the quick. It is kind of freaky to go through for me. I would like to be tested for this. I REALLY WOULD like that.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I felt like I was in transition; that I was being held in the womb of the universe. I felt total love, NO judgment, none at all. I felt NO pain. I felt VERY SAFE AND LOVED.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Before I went in for the procedure, I told the nurse that if anything went wrong, DO NOT BRING ME BACK. It was almost like I knew that they were going to screw things up and that I would pass over.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt total love, no judgment, nothing negative at all. It was totally flat black, and totally safe. Never have I felt such love and calmness, before or since.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I no longer fear death, but I am wondering WHY. WHY do we exist? What is the purpose of life? WHY are we here?

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I would like to have a long-term relationship with a good woman in my life, to experience that before I pass; not just sex, but love and companionship in a very meaningful way. I would so like to put my 'Sensitivity to good use' too and help others in their journey.

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The feeling of TOTAL LOVE and no judgment was VERY PROFOUND FOR ME. I KNOW that this, for some reason, is NOT what others will experience. I am NOT saying that I am SPECIAL in any way; it's just that I know that I can NOT speak to or for others in this matter.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared with others almost immediately, and within days or weeks with others. Now I share ONLY IF they want to hear what happened. It kind of freaks people out if they are not ready to hear it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was relieved to know that there is something after this life. I was also angry that I was brought back, NOT HAPPY at all. I am still wondering the big WHY we are here, and WHY I was brought back. WHY, or WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS?

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I now think that I was brought back to continue with my life. WHY? I still do not know, as it all seems so pointless. I would like to explore my sensitivity more, get testing done. Maybe there is something I can do to help others in some small way?

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No