I was lying on my stomach on the examination cart in the clinic. A nurse was giving me an injection of penicillin. Prior to this injection, I had never had an allergic reaction to penicillin. Within moments after the nurse began the injection I started having a reaction. A buzzing sound began in my ears and kept intensifying. My heart started to race and kept intensifying. A border started to form around my vision field. The border was brown with pale dots and it narrowed toward the center until I lost my vision. My tongue seemed to swell and fill my mouth. I had been chewing on a piece of gum and spit it out as hard as I could. I was afraid I would choke on it. I was banging on the side of the metal cart with both my fists as hard as I could trying to stay conscious.
I heard the nurse shouting the words code blue. I heard someone say my heart rate was 180. I sensed my chest heaving as my heart seemed to be giving out. I heard someone say, 'We're losing him.' I was terrified, I thought to myself I was dying, I remember either saying or thinking the words 'save me Jesus' over and over. I experienced being in a condition or state where everything around me was a chaos of swirling brilliant reds and whites all of the while I was screaming out 'save me Jesus'. Suddenly from across this space, like a pool, appeared a being of incredible light, standing with arms down but out. I saw no features, just incredible light.
Suddenly, I was in a lightless void, except for the piercing white dot that seemed so far away, like a distant star in what would otherwise be a starless black night sky. I felt the sensation of moving toward it at incredible speed and almost instantaneously arrived at a point where, while still being in this dark void, a whiteness appeared in front of me. Imagine being in a dark theater in front of a white screen. Although there didn't appear to be edges around the whiteness. It was just there. I, on the other hand, was not aware of having any form. I just was there. I was also terrified because of the experience. I either experienced or heard the words 'Do not be afraid.' I couldn't tell you where it came from but it was real. I also experienced what I can only say was total awareness. I didn't see my life flash in front of me as a series or chronology of events, it was more like, 'oh yeah', I get it. That however, did not diminish the importance in what I realized. I realized how vain a person I was. I also realized the effect that my death would have on my family, most importantly my father. We had lost mom a little more than two years prior to this happening to me. I experienced a terrible sadness and either saw or imagined my brothers carrying my casket. My father was destroyed in emotion.
The whiteness in front of me had a depth to it. From this depth, I could make out what appeared to be a large boulder. As I 'stared' into this depth at the boulder, the mist or whiteness seemed to recede a little. The boulder was large and its color varied but was mostly grey. I saw moss on it. I could see depth behind it but it was more like looking through a fog or a glass block into a lushness. Far off to the left of the boulder, my attention was drawn to the silhouette of what looked like a person with this foggy white mist slowly receding to reveal a person. As the image became clearer, I could see that it was a woman, dressed in a chocolate brown colored robe closed with a cream colored cord fastened around her waist. Her brown wavy hair fell across her shoulders. As the mist disappeared from in front of her face, I could see she was smiling. Her arms were down and slightly away from her body and were slight forward. I was aware that the lower part of her form was still surrounded by the misty white fog. She did not speak to me either in voice or thought. She was just there. She was beyond what we might call someone here on earth physically beautiful. A sensed a presence of total and perfect peace. At first, I did not recognize her, but then suddenly I did. It was my mother. I had never seen my mother look anywhere remotely like this, yet I knew it was her. She appeared ageless. You just can't explain it, it does seem to need explanation. The last time I had seen her, her body had been devastated and wasted by the effects from cancer. Yet here she was, beyond beauty, beyond anything I could experience. I sensed that she was there waiting for me, that's all. I did not have the urge or the wanting to rush to her. It was then, in a moment that I knew that if I willed to go forward, I would cross over and never return.
Two things welled up in me, first, I really had not done anything with my life and had hardly would you say, experienced life, the second and the most compelling was I couldn't bear the hurt that it would cause my father to experience to lose me on top of losing mom. I sensed that he wouldn't survive it. So I prayed, 'Please Jesus, send me back.' Instantaneously, I was back in the examination room and heard talking voices. I had a sense of being frozen in time. There is no way I can explain that sensation but I can feel how it felt now as clear as when it happened.
That sensation passed and was replaced by the face of the doctor who had ordered the shot. The first words out of my mouth were, 'Am I in hell.' He laughed and said, 'I wouldn't call it that.' The reason I said that was because of the ugliness of the doctor's appearance. The closest thing I can compare it to is that he appeared to be made out of clay, like a clay-mation figure, only the defects like moles and scars and wrinkles seemed to be accentuated. There were several people standing in the room some in the open doorway to the hall. As I looked at them, they all seemed like clay-mation figures. As time passed by, they appeared more and more normal and less frightening. I asked someone to call my sister and ask her to come to the clinic. It wasn't until she arrived and I recognized her that I knew I was alright.
Date NDE Occurred: 1984
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Allergic reaction Other Anaphylactic Shock
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Probably once I reached the destination of the light.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Probably once I reached the destination of the light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I didn't see any clocks, sense time as one can relate to it, or relate to existing as I did where I was.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw my mother, for real. I saw the boulder and the depth, the space behind it, for real. I would have to say it was a bit like seeing things in a dream, the difference being you know you are totally lucid, clear, in control of your environment, more so than you've ever experienced before or since.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I sensed no sound in the way I hear it right now. Just awareness, yet at the same time I experienced the words, 'Do not be afraid.' Hard to explain.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain The sense of incredible speed toward the distant light could give one the sense of passing through a tunnel as light is streaking past you, but I wouldn't say it was a tunnel.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear, wonder, sadness, empathy.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I did see my brothers carrying my casket and my father destroyed emotionally. I couldn't tell you if it was an event that had happened or would or could happen. It was the only event(s) I experienced. I did not see or re-experience previous events from my life. I only experienced a sense of who I was and where I came from.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Possibly but only in respect what my death would do to my family.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes Refer to my story experience.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I wonder how Lazarus lived the rest of his life.
What is your religion now? Moderate Catholic
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I wonder how Lazarus lived the rest of his life.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm sure I am different now in some ways. Think about it. Something happened that I cannot explain, it was real, more real than anything I have ever experienced. How can you not be affected by it in some way? I don't feel like I have to prove it or understand why it happened, it just did. I'm still living the human experience, good and bad.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The experience was impossible to relate with. I could make an analogy and then say amplify it. For example, the bright white light was so brilliant, radiant, and pure. How do you describe that? One has to experience it to fully understand.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, I believe our existence goes on to another more significant level. I was only at the doorstep, but the experience was real. One has to ask themselves, was it real or wasn't it? Were you there or weren't you? Did it happen or didn't it? In my book, 'not sure' doesn't cut it. What do I have to prove it? Nothing from where I was or experienced, but I can prove what happened to me in the clinic examination room. Do I care? Why should I unless it would help someone, and only then.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I am cautious and hesitant to share my experience with anyone. You learn why once you do with the wrong person.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard and read about it. Sure wasn't something I was thinking about that day. Everything happened so quickly, beyond my control.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It's all explained above.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It's all explained above.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No