I remember my eyes bouncing and I felt decidedly faint. I saw the nurse's face when she placed the monitor on me and couldn't get the babies heartbeat. I knew something wasn't right. I sort of remember the feeling like something warm enveloped my being as I lost consciousness. I felt so calm and peaceful; more peaceful than any words could describe. I had a feeling of just letting go. Then, I was slowly rising out of my body up towards the ceiling. Everything around me had turned orange. The voices of the staff in the hospital were muffled, but I could see a great panic going on around my body. I noticed that I was the same height as the clock on the wall but still rising…being drawn upwards. I tried to cling to the clock but I couldn't stop myself going up because it was like being pulled from within. Everything was a deep, deep orange color. I was up against the ceiling with my hands pushing against the ceiling. I thought I was going to be drawn further to the white light in the tunnel above me. I remember thinking, 'Oh my God! I can't leave my unborn baby with my partner. My baby needs me!' My partner was violent towards me on many occasions. I felt like at that very moment, I had a choice. I could stay or I could let go and be drawn up to the light. I felt my father, (who passed a few years previous to this incident), was waiting up in the tunnel. He was watching and I could feel his love. It was like a personal love, not like the love coming from the white light itself. I made a huge effort not to be drawn up to the light above me because I knew my baby would need me. I could also see the future with me bringing my child up as a single parent. I had such strength within me emotionally that it felt like I had been given a zap of internal power.
Suddenly, I lunged forward towards my baby and bounced back into my body with great force. It was like being dropped from a great height. Once back in my body, the first things that hit me was the pain from contractions and the medical staff sticking needles and tubes into me. Then I could hear everyone talking and chaotic shouting. There was a real frenzy of activity around me. I was coming in and out of consciousness, but I could hear everything, including my husband. He was talking quietly in my ear trying to reassure me but I already knew I wouldn't stay with him long, so my feelings towards him from that moment on became detached. I knew the reason I had come back was because I couldn't trust him to care for my baby. I was rushed into the theatre for an emergency cesarean: where upon, my daughter was dragged out of me and saved by surgeons. She was my first baby at a bouncing eight and a half pounds. I woke on the ward, later opening my eyes. I could see this gorgeous round-faced bright, rosy-cheeked baby in a clear plastic crib at my side. She had her elbows tucked up in front of her with her chin in her hands. She looked like a 6 month old baby holding her head upright. My first thought was, 'Wow she's been here before!' She was just staring at me with her huge, open-wide eyes.
Date NDE Occurred: 20.11.1986
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth. Life threatening event, but not clinical death
I was full-term pregnant and due to be induced that day. My water broke at home 7 am and we drove to the hospital in the snow. I was having strong contractions in the car. We made it to hospital where I was placed on a couch. I didn't feel right and was frightened. The nurse told me I could walk around but I felt faint, so declined. I asked if it was normal for my eyes to feel like they were bouncing in my head. The nurse just looked puzzled and placed a monitor on my swollen tummy. Within minutes, all hell broke loose! The nurse was shouting and lots of staff came running. My baby's heart beat had stopped. Then whoosh! I was out of body looking down and my heart was weakening. They were desperately trying to catheterize me. There was lots of blood on the couch. Someone was shouting to my partner to talk to me in my ear as it's possible I would still hear him. There were about five or six staff in the room.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Yes, but the facts have not been checked out.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Everything was like a pure crystal clearness that I could feel and think so incredibly clearly. I glimpsed into the future briefly.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just before I lunged back into my body, everything was crystal clear.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. The experience seemed to last for ages but I think it was more like minutes, in reality. The movement of my body whilst up on the ceiling felt clumsy and uncoordinated but my mind was acutely clear, while observing everything.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion almost, but the clarity of my mind's observations was clearly very acute, absorbing the full situation.
10,I hadn't really a thought of things like this previously. I was young and just getting on with life while preparing to become a mother. My actual vision, looking down on myself, was slightly blurred and distant. Everything seemed far, far away.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. All I could hear whilst out of body were the staff fussing around me, but it was all muffled like I was in another room above looking down on the situation. I was too far away to hear clearly. My hearing, prior to this experience, was fine as was my eyesight 20-20.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My father. He had passed away. I could feel his presence in the light.
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Orange light surrounded me. It was like warm, strong sunlight but a deep, deep orange color.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place It was like I was in the room still but surrounded by orange mist, almost making me feel like I was watching everything from a distance behind glass.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Initially, I felt like someone came, took me in their arms, and loved my like never before. The love was so warm and deeply comforting. The white light, that drew me up higher, was so unbelievably feeding me love it was hard not to just go up the tunnel and become enveloped in it. I felt like someone said, 'You can come now or not. The choice is yours.' I looked very clearly at the situation and became aware of something like a thread attached to my unborn child. I couldn't leave, but emotionally I was torn to go to the light; knowing my dad was there waiting or I could stay with my child. I think I felt fear just before it all happened, then I felt incredible love like nondescript. Then I felt panic to have to decide what to do. Once I knew I wanted to go back, I was scared maybe I couldn't. But all the time, I was calm.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I felt it was like a confirmation of what life was all about, what death was all about, and how we are all interconnected with the energy of love.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future Yes, I could see my husband hitting me. I could see myself taking my baby and leaving in a train and feeling happier, alone with my baby.
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I knew I had a choice. I could join my father in the white light of infinite love or I could return and care for my unborn child. I saw a flash of what would happen to my baby if I didn't return and I didn't like it. Plus I saw a flash of my future if I did return and I could not just turn my back on my unborn child. My soul couldn't do that.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated Brought up a Christian as a child but didn't attend any churches once I left home at age 16. I believed in some powerful force but didn't give it much thought at this stage in my life.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now believe in universal energy and that we are all interconnected with this vibrational energy of love. I feel at one with nature. I prefer natural remedies than chemical drugs and generally feel more in tune with the natural things in life. I am very drawn to the universe around our planet.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age The experience changed my outlook
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I think that because my father hadn't long died I was very aware of talk of angels and ghosts etc... But this experience was nothing like I envisaged in my minds eye. I guess I expected angels to appear like humans with wings etc... However, there weren't physical bodies it was specific energy swirling around with silvers blues and pinks.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Love was the overwhelming feature of my values plus to protect my children. My idea about God as a child had gone out the window, I now believed in a higher form of energy. I was drawn to nature much more than ever before and I felt at one with nature.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I knew my father was waiting in the white light but I couldn't quite see him. There were others too; white light beings that were more like forms of energy. I didn't want to go towards them because I knew the overpowering love would totally envelop me and I wouldn't be able to choose to return to my body. So, I stood my ground.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Yes and it's incredibly powerful beyond normal human understanding. It's not like a door opens and a guy says this is it take a peek it's more of a feeling from within yourself a sensory experience.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I don't know about a god but there was an incredible power of energy and love that came from a much higher force. It felt more like the sorce of purity. Unlike my fathers energy which was loving this higher power was billions of times more powerful.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I remember thinking, 'Wow, this is happening. This is real. This is how we are all connected: with the energy of love.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes The knowledge that I had a choice to return or go to the light made me realise I was between two worlds thus acknowledging life after death.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes It was more of a feeling. Knowing life goes on but not as we know it in our physical form. The only way I can explain it it that at the end if the tunnel was pure energy. & love.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Yes the entire experience took away any fear I ever had about dying. I embrace it now anytime.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I had flashes of things to come but mainly relating to my baby. I was shown if I didn't return to my body that my baby whom I was shown was a girl would suffer abuse sexually and physically at the hands of her father.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes The entire experience was all about love. I was enveloped in love drawn out of my body with love drawn up towards the light which was spilling out love incredulously and pulling me from within towards it. It's such a fantastically massive overwhelming love it's just Non descript.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? I was thinking of going into teaching children prior to my experience. However, afterwards I decided to make myself available to people and became a tarot card reader because I could now tap into the other dimension. I also trained as a personal counselor so I could help people the best way I could. I then trained as a Reiki master healer which uses the same energy that I experienced previously in the NDE. Finally, I trained as a clinical hypnotherapist. I have noticed also that I tend to be at a great deal of peoples' passing’s into the next dimension, heaven, or whatever it's called. I have had profound experiences through out of body experiences whilst I sleep at night. One, which showed me I was here to ease people passing over. Plus I was to help to heal. I have also seen outlines of what appeared to be liquid mercury of beings in my home. For quite a few years I could see dead people on this earth and at one point, I wasn't sure who was dead or alive. This was the point that I decided to try to distance myself from all of these experiences to get back to some earthly normality. I felt I was being drawn back to the other side myself and I had two children by this time to raise. So yes, the experience changed my life.
I was thinking of going into teaching children prior to my experience. However, afterwards I decided to make myself available to people and became a tarot card reader because I could now tap into the other dimension. I also trained as a personal counselor so I could help people the best way I could. I then trained as a Reiki master healer which uses the same energy that I experienced previously in the NDE. Finally, I trained as a clinical hypnotherapist. I have noticed also that I tend to be at a great deal of peoples' passing’s into the next dimension, heaven, or whatever it's called. I have had profound experiences through out of body experiences whilst I sleep at night. One, which showed me I was here to ease people passing over. Plus I was to help to heal. I have also seen outlines of what appeared to be liquid mercury of beings in my home. For quite a few years I could see dead people on this earth and at one point, I wasn't sure who was dead or alive. This was the point that I decided to try to distance myself from all of these experiences to get back to some earthly normality. I felt I was being drawn back to the other side myself and I had two children by this time to raise. So yes, the experience changed my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I value and appreciate life much more since this experience. However, as I am getting older and my children have flown the nest, I am quite contented to go to the other dimension anytime now. I feel I returned for them initially and they are mature adults now, capable of taking good care of themselves. I am still learning to try not to judge others and love everyone.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words can't convey the clarity of my mind at that precise moment: the overwhelming feeling of being drawn into a feeling of infinite love and the clarity of my mind to lunge back to my body for my unborn child's sake.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I became a professional tarot reader for many years, passing on messages from people who had passed over (died).
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire experience changed my outlook on life as I previously experienced it. The knowledge of there being such infinite amounts of love in the other dimension made me feel safe knowing that when I am ready to die, I will go happily, safely, fully-loved and guided. I am here for a reason, as are my two beautiful children.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my husband not long after the birth of our daughter. He openly talked about the situation and confirmed all I had seen whilst out of my body as true. I discussed it with my mother but she seemed reluctant to acknowledge it. I didn't pursue it further with her. I have always felt it's not really for me to convince others of my experience. If they are interested, I share my experience. Recently, I had a wonderful experience of sharing a special moment with a friend’s daughter who nearly died of meningitis. She confided that she had experienced an out of body experience. She was in shock but the understanding we shared of the infinite love was wonderful and energized us both in the knowledge that we've experienced this. I feel people can listen until the cows come home but they are skeptical unless they have experienced it. They want to believe but are unsure.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain My dad's heart stopped after an operation 10 years prior to my experience. I remember him saying when his heart stopped, he found himself walking along a path full of beautiful flowers, he came to a gate, and his father told him to go back because his family needed him. I imagined what he was talking about was heaven as we were given to believe from the Christian bible. Not that I was ever very religious, I just got sent to Sunday school as a kid. That was my mum's doing because my dad didn't go to church at all; only under sufferance I remember.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It had a profound outlook on my life. It changed me as a person within. I felt honored to have dipped my toe into this window of experience. I felt connected to life to nature. I still do.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened, I don't question it. It opened my eyes a lot. I found I could tap into past energies/spirits, which initially surprised me, but I was glad to be able to help people, comfort, and heal people. The experience has changed my life and life path. In turn, my children have grown up with this knowledge. In turn, it has given them a very different outlook on life and death: all very positive.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I was very ill in my bed and in great pain. I remember thinking that I would call out and ask for help. My room was filled with the same beautiful colors of energy that I had seen before, swirling around me. I felt the love surrounding me like a warm glove. It lasted a long time and the next day I started to get better. I had been very sick for a few years. My friends noticed I couldn't stop smiling.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I feel a great, high feeling when the love surrounds me. It's really indescribable and wonderful. I look forward to going to the next dimension whenever it's my time. I was watching from up in the corner of the ceiling above the wall clock. I was looking down at the staff trying to catheterize me. One leg was off the couch. I think five or six staff were there; but definitely five. One male member of staff seemed to be running in and out of the room coordinating with someone in another room. My husband was next to my left side talking in my ear. The sounds were all very much muffled, a bit like voices sound when under water. My husband verified all my observations after the event but to be honest, I didn't feel the need to have them verified because I knew what I had experienced and those things weren't important now.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I don't think so, but my head is spinning after doing all of this.