My experience began one cold night as a lost 13-year-old child. I was living in the lonely confines of a boarding house. I was taking drugs, or anything that was available at the time, as a way of escaping reality. This became habitual. I had no form of income, so I used liquid petroleum gas. I would remove the locks from my window and would slip through the window and into the night. I would usually go across the street to a school. I would look for a large gas cylinder and escape my world. I find myself 'somewhere' that I now call a tunnel. It was a grayish-dark-type color with blotches all through it. The best way I could describe this tunnel is it was like being wrapped in a space made from the static on your TV when it fails to receive a signal. Along with that is what I call a Universal humming that was pleasantly familiar somehow. At this point, I become aware of a sudden knowing and feelings of oneness with everything. I had no real sense of the Universe at that time. I was too young and stupid even to consider the cosmos. But today I think of the experience as if I was speeding up so fast through the Universe and I knew absolutely everything about everything. I became one with everything that ever was and everything that ever will be. I knew I'd left the physical world somehow because I specifically remember saying to myself, 'Wow, I've got to bring this knowledge back!' In the tunnel, I learned the secrets of the Universe, meaning of life, reasons for war and poverty, cruelty and everything else. Everything made complete sense and I needn't question anything. Then seemingly, out of nowhere, I found myself at the bottom of a short staircase. At the top of this staircase, stood Jesus Christ himself. I'm absolutely overwhelmed by joy and happiness. I'd never ever been so happy before. He stood, as a being of warm light. He was bright and completely welcoming, with arms out, as if to accept me. Just as I was about to run into his arms, BAM, (like a car that I never saw coming), I was 'squished' back into my body. There are no words to describe the feeling; it was just horrible. I suddenly find myself, lying on the cold, dark school lawn. I was still overjoyed by Jesus. I was just with him, so where is he now!? I immediately jump to my feet and begin running toward the school by the stairs. It's the logical thing to do because the stairs in my vision were similar to those at the opposite end of my location. I was just stunned that I somehow don't recall the physical travel from there to my current location, but this does not bother me now. All I want to do is get back to Jesus. I'm now getting close to the stairs but cannot see his light yet. Time (seemingly) slows to milliseconds and I'm really closing in now. Yet, I still fail to see this light. I make it all the way to the stairs and he's not there. There is no light, only darkness. I'm shattered and deflated. It makes no sense. I walked back across the street, slipped back into my window, went to sleep, and never to think of it again. That is until around 18 years later, when I see a TV show about near death experience. The show has me saying excitedly, 'Hey, I've had one of those!' I'm intrigued, I begin to watch more and more, and become wondrous as I begin to come across those similar to mine. This is the first time I've opened up about my personal experience. I've always felt that this should never be shared with anyone because it was so sacred and dear to me. But lately, I've become so depressed because it changed me so much, and it continues to become harder and harder to deal with for me as time goes on. I just want to get past the continuous thoughts, wonder, and move on. I want to integrate myself back into the community like a 'normal' person. This experience has forever changed the way I am. I can no longer work a normal job. I can no longer stand small talk or ignorant people who are, in my eyes, living a life of non-purpose believing it to be truth. I can't stand many things now and live a quiet rural life, running my own business where I'm the sole employee, working by myself. What makes my experience so amazing to me is that religion, or anything like this, was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. My Mother never believed in God, or religion. In fact, she would snarl like the devil himself anytime it was bought up, so I never believed or had much of an inkling even to think much about it. At the time of my experience, I recall owning a heavy metal band T-shirt by 'Deicide' and may have even been wearing it at the time of my occurrence. If my experience weren't true, why would I have had the encounter with Jesus? It may as well have been the cookie monster. It's because of this: I know Jesus is indeed real. I don't go to church, never have had much of a further inkling to study the bible or anything. I just know that Jesus exists and that he cares for me. I love him, too. I cannot remember any of the things I told myself to 'bring back.' They were lost as soon as I re-entered the physical realm. As I grow older, this experience becomes more and more profound. It is sometimes both a blessing, and a curse. But if I had my time again, there is no way I'd have it any other way. I know now what's important and what is not. I just wish society knew, too.
Date NDE Occurred: 1998
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes As above
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I knew everything.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? All
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. More 3D
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Don't recall
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes As above
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Knowingness and love
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe in a supreme force now.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Do not know Spiritualist
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I'm completely different now.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God definitely exists.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists Yes
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I still fear dying because it can be extremely fearful and painful. Death is fine though, after dying, that is.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I dislike the majority of society. I'm very fussy about friends. I only choose genuine love. I cannot stand authority. I love animals and cruelty toward them gets me down. I get drained easily in crowds or talking with people in small talk.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real Took me 18 years to acknowledge.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real Sometimes I want to go back when this cruel World gets to me. I again wonder why such cruelty can be allowed.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I've had reinforcement from God several times.
©1998-2018 NDERF, Jody Long & Jeffrey Long, MD. All Rights Reserved.