I was out of body above the doctors, watching them trying to put a needle into my collapsed veins. Then, I was bouncing around the ceiling of the hospital. Someone named Elizabeth was supposed to collect children, but I lost focus. I bounced around the hospital hallway ceiling with other entities that did not interact. They were probably asleep or unconscious (or, dead). There was a spark in a corner of a ceiling and small light beings kept saying, 'Go to the light.' I finally lost energy, gave up, and was sucked in. I was in a dark tunnel like place with an ocean, dark and fighting drowning. I finally gave up and didn't drown but came to a very bright island. I walked on the island, went between some boulders, and had a sense of meeting someone.
First, there was a Disney bluebird. (Remember, I was five years old.) Then, there was a blue-eyed blond Midwestern Jesus. There was a life review of the smallest details and I had lots of guilt. My Sunday school had taught that Jews didn't go to heaven. Even at five, I felt this was wrong and expressed concern. I was told, 'We are all one.' The Jesus figure changed into different races, genders. It was dizzying. I picked out a Native American who lamented that he had died too soon. A Viking who put himself in chains in horse stalls. A Mongolian looking guy with a headdress with horns on it. And, a guy who had died in heather and by his own hand. A couple of women, one of whom was older and spent time on a rocking chair on a farmhouse porch, yelled at me that he was messing up the place. I figured out later that these were past lives. I was told I had to fix the man who died in heather. I was told that I was there too soon and had to go back. Earth was vibrating much slower than this place. I had to go back. I had no choice. I was told I wouldn't remember. I was always stubborn and did, despite the disbelief of others. I told the nurse that 'I was back'. She said that I never left and I realized then that I had a problem.
Later in life, I participated in a past life regression with shiatsu massage. I was programmed to die violently. I met the Viking. He was somehow protecting me. I think he probably fell off a boat and drowned. I then met the man who died in heather. He was Irish and had killed his lover/wife. There was a knife and a blue dress. He was asked to make another choice. In my logical mind, I would have had him choose to live. His choice was to love and that he was going to work on it. A part of me was altered and had to be processed for about four days. I am so not who I started out to be by the NDE and the meeting with the man who died in heather. That is why I couldn't answer that you were met by deceased persons. Not deceased in the way you would expect. Time may not be what we expect.
Date NDE Occurred: July 1977
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose. CPR given. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
A neurologist inadvertently overdosed me on medication. I was in the process of being diagnosed with Jacksonian variant of Guillain-Barre syndrome. He was apparently unfamiliar with proper dosage at the time they later learned, and gave me 4 times the proper dosage.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes But the facts have not been checked out.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Extraordinarily keen sharp knowledge, vision, understanding of others’ thoughts, appreciation for beyond here, and loved the way I could pass through everything and anything just by desire. I could see through everything that I desired upon my choosing.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The entire time: Scale of 1-10 it was like a 50 throughout. I'm not exaggerating, but I'm not sure one can comprehend nor explain or describe the extreme levels.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I returned faster than I traveled to this place of wonder.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The ball of loving living light is all colors and yet gleaming, but doesn't hurt the way our human eyes would hurt if presented with such light. By simply desiring to see anything or anyone while hovering, I could see things in great detail with high resolution and in real time. Nobody on earth was able to notice my presence. Vision was everywhere, anywhere, all directions by simply desiring to look at something.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I've never had any hearing problems. I could hear whatever I desired while hovering, and once within the gleaming loving amazing ball of light, I could understand everyone else within this. All their goodness, wonderfulness, and sound resided together within this living loving thing. It was analogous to when threads join together to make fabric what it is.
There were only two times I 'heard' things: initially when way above the young woman's body below, I heard all the code blue and resuscitation noise; and secondly, when the voice at the very end spoke to me. Twice in my journey, I said 'no' to my inner self: nothing audible. Once I chose to return to earth, clearly this place was heaven, then I heard a voice that was not male or female but clear strong and all around and throughout my soul, spoke to me. It simply said, 'Return. It is not your time'.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Once I saw the living, loving ball of light off in the distance, I traveled rapidly towards it. During this travel, there was surrounding darkness back on earth all around. To me a tunnel represents a closed space of darkness. The darkness I left behind and traveled away from started out massive and large and everywhere. The more I was drawn to the living, loving ball of light the more that darkness left my presence.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The essence of who we are resides through and around God-type light. We are restored to him in fullness. It's totally indescribable. I sensed their presence. I'm uncertain if the voice I heard was God or an angel.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin. To call this light is totally inaccurate. It's a living, loving, real, beautiful, beyond measure or description, serene, joyful presence. This is the part where I can't begin to describe it accurately. There are no words to describe it. It is indescribable.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The living loving joyful massive cloud of brilliance and knowledge and wisdom and joy is where we are restored. Communication among all these souls and with the living God is possible all at once with multitudes at the same time. Indescribable! No analogies are possible.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt joy, love, happiness, serene, peace, God’s presence and within him the goodness and presence of other wonderful souls and amazing, good, loving beings. Purpose, love all others including creatures.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others At the age of 20, I used to be overly concerned with making perfect grades. Who I am today is totally different than I was at the time or would have been, if this hadn't occurred. This knowledge at the time was allowed to partially travel back with me here. I can't tap into it all the time, but much of the time, and with practice and always by calling on God to show me.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I was simply given to know I would return and would graduate from med school and live out my purpose here. Inside me I was given to know that upon my return I would be able to, at times, simply know certain things about a particular person and would be given the inner knowledge of what to do with this information and not to worry.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will In my case I'm certain I was allowed to choose to stay or return. It was my choice. I didn't want to miss out on life or medicine or marriage or children.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Non denominational church at the time. Was raised in the non Mormon RLDS church as a child. Left that at age 17 at the time I started med school. I attended one of those 6 year med school programs, and graduated from HS at the age of 17 so was young all around
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes They’re stronger. I have a way better, all day long, time of personal relationship with God. In my operating room, I always command anything evil to leave the room never to return, by the blood of the lamb, and in the name of Jesus. My scrub tech Jeff knows that when I say to open the door, that I'm telling get this thing of evil leave the room. This isn't anything magical in me at all. It's just that I know if I call upon God, he's there.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant Active member in the cowboy church. Non denominational
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had no clue of any of this prior to my experience. None. At that time I'd never been with someone I knew who passed nor had I memory of a passed relative or friend. I came away with absolute knowledge this is real, and that its ok for my patients to journey on forward. Nothing to fear.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I'm so happy for people who pass away. They're in for a wonderful journey. I believe in hell and know Satan is alive and well. I'm so curious to know if ever people have journeyed to darkness from here instead of light. I get emotionally thrilled and cry in joy for people who pass away. My father died in 1993 from a massive heart attack. I knew the moment he left his body, even though he still had a heartbeat for another 45 minutes. I spoke to him above me and waved goodbye up to the ceiling. I told him before he departed, to know that I would care for mom, have a wonderful journey, and I'll see him again on the other side. His face became relaxed and no pain once he departed. At times I've felt his presence in the room during big events since his death.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The voice spoke through, within, around me. It wasn't male or female. It waited until I chose life on earth to speak. It told me to return. It wasn't my time yet. Without saying anything more, I was given to know I would be fine, I would be a physician; I would always be able, at times, to know certain things and would know exactly what to do with this knowledge along the way.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I'm uncertain if the voice I heard was God or an angel
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes i was unaware of anything I've written in this prior to this event
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes god is alive and well. Yes he's in around through and surrounding each of us at all times. We don't likely most of us honor his presence, call upon him, nor honor/worship him to the extent we should.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes yes. God is real. He's indescribable. He's everywhere and within each of us living things. He loves each of us beyond description
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Regarding special knowledge about my purpose, this isn't unique to me but is true of each of us. I think, for me, I just didn't realize all this at age 20. Our purposes here start with our thoughts, words, and actions. They really do matter. Also, our assigned earthly family members really do matter and have been assigned for a reason.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Our purposes here start with our thoughts and words and actions. They really do matter. Also, our assigned earthly family members really do matter and have been assigned for a reason
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The entire encounter through sharing knowledge and understanding of such things is provided.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes We each have many purposes here from what we think to what we feel to what we do to what we say. We are entertwined.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes We are surrounded here by darkness. We can call upon and speak goodness to all we encounter to overcome this darkness. Things like books don't have life here until we speak of them. The bible for example. Whatever we dwell on (our thoughts) are what will
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes gods version/ heavens version is way way way better than our concepts here.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I like to think I've been a more compassionate physician and surgeon, and to this day, even though life has had struggle and hardship, I'm blessed beyond measure to have been restored back here to complete my purpose. Large changes in my life I like to think I've been a more compassionate physician and surgeon, and to this day, even though life has had struggle and hardship, I'm blessed beyond measure to have been restored back here to complete my purpose.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I am a better person: overall. I love God with all my being.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words cannot accurately or fully relate, or communicate, or explain any of this at any time. I've published my story. I felt that it didn't do any justice to what transpired.
One time I tried explaining this, later on, to my Baptist pastor after I finished my residency training. He asked me if I was 'saved' at the time. I told him ‘no’ but that I was an active praying reading Christian. His response was that the entire event was satanic and not to be believed. This upset me to the point of deciding to never speak of this, again, or be more careful anyway.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes At times and often I'm able to discern evil and good in others. I can almost tell they are harboring evil things within them. Without saying a word, I love to look them straight in the eye past them and into their soul, and command this thing to leave by the blood of the lamb and in the name of Jesus. I've also been made to know many things that I couldn't know, and simply, am internally directed to message something to someone. I must tell them this message or else I am failing my purpose. No. I'm not crazy.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my dad after about a month. It took me a year to recover from Guillain-Barre and regain my strength. I graduated on time from med school despite being less than 100% during that time.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No I never spoke to somebody else until recently, either. Nobody speaks of such things.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I was struck by the fact that I was offered a choice to return or proceed. I chose return.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I just know this was true. No need to further justify.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes When my dad died.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Upon arrival to the living loving light, I found it to be full of unimaginable, indescribable, good, wonderful beings that were so, so happy to see me and yet had known me all along, even before I was born. At the time, I can't recall anyone I knew having already passed away. I just knew the millions of these loved me beyond measure and I loved them, as well, beyond measure. I clearly left my body and existed outside it. I felt united or one with the world. I was raised in the non-Mormon RLDS church as a child. Left that at age 17 at the time I started med school. I attended one of those 6-year med school programs, and graduated from HS at the age of 17: so I was young all around. I had no clue of any of this prior to my experience: None. At that time I'd never been with someone who I knew who had passed nor had I memory of a passed relative or friend. I came away with absolute knowledge that this is real, and that it’s okay for my patients to journey on forward. There’s nothing to fear. I was unaware of anything I've written in this, prior to this event. God is alive and well. Yes, he's in, around, through and surrounding each of us at all times. Most of us don't likely honor his presence, call upon him, nor honor/worship him to the extent we should. God is real. He's indescribable. He's everywhere and within each of all living things. He loves each of us beyond description.
The entire encounter through sharing knowledge and understanding of such things is provided in regards to an afterlife. We each have many purposes here from what we think, to what we feel, to what we do, to what we say. We are intertwined. We are surrounded here by darkness. We can call upon and speak goodness to all we encounter to overcome this darkness. Things like books don't have life here until we speak of them: the bible for example. Whatever we dwell on (our thoughts) are what will be. Give ourselves permission to take good care of the bodies’ minds and thoughts we give 'life' to by intentionally speaking good. There is spiritual warfare here. I know I'm a warrior in this battle. I wasn't before this experience. I never fear these beings of darkness when I sense them. I know they can be commanded to leave by my thoughts: Always. This took me a while to come to this conclusion.
God’s version/ heaven’s version is way, way, way better than our concepts here, referencing love. After writing my story in May 2014, I was recently asked by colleagues from Sunday school to do a webinar. They thought it unreal how detailed I could recall this event after 37 years. I told them as an ophthalmologist I'm trained to be detailed, but I imagine people who've undergone NDE likewise are able to joyfully talk in great detail about what occurred.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Create the technical ability for us to save our work as we go.