I had a profound near death experience 41 years ago when I was age 19. I am now 60. I was a street kid who had been pushed out of home. I'd had lots of bad experiences as a child and there was nobody I could turn to. I was slipping further into bad company. The life I was leading was going nowhere except downhill. I could see no way forward and I felt hopeless. I was in so much emotional pain that I had to do something to end my nightmare, so I attempted suicide.
I heard a loud bang as if heavy doors were slamming shut behind me and I felt such a great sense of relief. Then I felt I was bubbles, popping like effervescence in lemonade, and I was stretching for millions of miles. The further I stretched, the less bubbling I felt. I went on forever. I would compare it to being like I was a raindrop returning to and becoming conscious of the fullness and expanse of the ocean only on a much larger scale. Love was all around, peace, and blissful-joy. I felt myself moving forward and after travelling faster than light. I thought, ‘This is further than our galaxy!’ I questioned, ‘How come I don’t feel afraid?’ I went to look at my stomach where I expected to feel fear but I saw nothing and it didn’t matter. I continued to move forward, in this amazing peace, joy and love at increasing speed.
Then suddenly in my mind and every single cell in my being, I went through this explosive, orgasmic, glorious intelligence and power. It was astounding; words cannot describe the beauty, glory and power of that intelligence, energy and bliss. Moving through that into a place where the love was so magnified was awesome. I heard the sound of singing. It was unimaginably beautiful. There were no words or voices, but musical tones that sounded like angels singing. I moved past crowds of beings so fast, I couldn’t see anyone clearly. I just heard the sound of moving past assemblies of energy people. Then there was a flash of quiet space, more crowds of people, then quiet again. This happened rapidly and repeatedly. I was whizzing by so fast that all I could hear was what sounded like low, mumbled voices.
In a split second I came to a place where there were lots of rainbows. I saw an energy-person express shock as it realize I was arriving. Then it was as if I was in a spiral or vortex, twisting downwards for 3 turns. I heard a deep, prolonged voice say, ‘TEACH’ only it sounded like ‘t-e-e-e-a-a-a-c-c-c-h-h-h…’.
A week later, I awoke in hospital. I believe I was shown my true identity in Spirit, moving through perfect love to go through Divine and Holy intelligence and power. I had no fear. It is our brain that engenders fear through our thoughts, like we are biological computers. Heaven is real. The things that are eternal are the only real things; like love, peace, and joy. It was an awesome experience. I was returned to my body with a divine purpose 'to teach'. Sixteen years later with my three autistic sons and my marriage braking up, I studied to become a teacher and have never looked back! My 3 sons' behavior was crazy and they each spent a lot of times in juvenile detention centers. They are still abusive towards me but I distance myself from them. I have had some amazing adventures teaching.
Bringing up my sons on my own was very difficult but the knowledge of spiritual life gave me strength to persevere. I learned about unconditional love and self-preservation. When they left home, I taught Australian Aboriginal kids, in far north South Australia and on Indigenous communities. I continue to teach how our thoughts lead to our feelings which determine our behavior. I also teach kids how to replace their negative thoughts with positive ones and have had numerous difficult students change their behaviors for the better. I was also prompted, niggled and persistently pushed by an inner voice to continue to study and now have several degrees; Masters in Educational Psychology and post graduate certificates for gifted education, and neuroscience learning. I am now an Aboriginal Education Teacher in the metropolitan area but my journeys have given me great insight into Indigenous culture so that I can be effective in my work. I have a great sense of spiritual belonging and know that life in the physical is only temporary, like a spot in eternity, and I will return to Heaven, which is my home. Such peace, joy and love in Spirit are immeasurable and I feel so blessed to have had that experience.
Date NDE Occurred: September 1973
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I attempted suicide from medication. I was a street kid. I was not wanted by my parents. I came from a home where there was a lot of domestic violence and child neglect and abuse. I was working as a nude model which I hated so I took drugs to overcome my inhibitions. I became promiscuous. I hated myself and my life. I had nothing for which to live. I could see no future except drug addiction and maybe even prostitution.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Intelligence was more of on a cellular level: that my body was part of a much bigger whole and every cell had intelligence.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Immediately and continuously.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I became aware of infinity. There is no time. This physical life is like a dream and cannot be compared to infinity. It is so short and temporary like a microscopic dot in the vastness of eternity.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Vision was not with eyesight but more mindful and holistic.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard nothing, no sound at all until I heard angels singing and then it was ecstatic.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain When I passed through infinite intelligence and power, I believe it was much lighter than where I had been moving through to get there but it was so explosive that I was caught unaware of anything except the bliss and power that charged every cell in my being and then calmer but denser love, joy, and peace.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Passing through Divine and Holy Omnipotence and Omniscience into a place where the love was magnified immeasurably. There were many crowds of beings in this place that I passed through when I came to where there were many rainbows. The rainbows were being looked after or guarded by one particular energy being who was shocked to see me and I think it was that being's voice I heard saying 'teach’ when I was returning to my body.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Bliss, love, indescribable joy, peace, safety, being loved, having my being in love, blessed.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Heaven is real, we are made in the image and likeness of God because we are spiritual beings, and we live and move and have our being in Him, which is love. This life is like a dream and the things that are real are the things that are eternal. Nothing on earth matters except love. Love is all that matters because we are love and we have to express ourselves as love.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian I was brought up as Christian, going to Sunday School as a child. But days before this event, I had been approached on the street by Bible Bashers and I had said to them that God doesn't exist. At that time I really did believe there was no God. Since my experience, I have no doubt and am utterly convinced that God and Heaven are real and the true reality.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes No doubt in my mind, God is real.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I pray all the time. I receive guidance. Perfect love flows through me. I have had some amazing lessons in the classroom where the students have been really switched on and I have felt amazing power in the room. I deal a lot with dysfunctional students and we have circle time to problem solve and sort out issues. I have always felt a higher power's calming presence settling over the students. when I've studied and been synthesising information to write an essay, I get so high it is like being back in the spiritual place where I was in my NDE.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was denying God days previously. I was IN God during my experience.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes A very strong belief in God, spirituality, Heaven and the power of our thoughts.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I heard angels singing in musical tones not voices. I heard mumblings from crowds of beings I was moving past rapidly. I heard the instruction to teach as I returned to my body.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Before this experience I did NOT believe in God. Now I know without any doubt that God exists. God is real. He is love and Heaven exists and this physical life is like a dream. We have the creative power to redefine our physical life through the thoughts we think. We have control over our attitude and our beliefs.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. We live and move and have our being in Divine, Holy Spirit. God flows through us if we ask Him to. He cannot be separated from us we can only turn our backs on Him.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Omnipotence, Omniscience, immeasurable and infinite unconditional love, peace and joy. Holy and Divine, eternal truth.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes A special knowledge of the truth. To teach is my divine purpose.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes For me personally it was to teach.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes We come from this heavenly realm. We are dreaming our physical existence. We return to spirit. There is no death.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain I thin the rainbows were where we beings were 'sleeping it was as if I was returning to them but was prevented and sent back to physical.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes They are only temporary and we have the strength to overcome.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is true eternal divine holy spirit. Love is all that matters. Love is unconditional and eternal.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. Deep and abiding spirituality, a knowing that God loves me immeasurable and infinitely and nothing and no one can separate me from the love of God. I pray a lot and feel blessed. I often feel like God is working/teaching through me. I was a street kid. I was told to teach and am now a teacher with several post graduate studies behind me. I've been on Indigenous communities and feel that my life is being directed. I also have several properties that have just fallen into place from following the directives from within me. Large changes in my life. Deep and abiding spirituality, a knowing that God loves me immeasurable and infinitely and nothing and no one can separate me from the love of God. I pray a lot and feel blessed. I often feel like God is working/teaching through me. I was a street kid. I was told to teach and am now a teacher with several post graduate studies behind me. I've been on Indigenous communities and feel that my life is being directed. I also have several properties that have just fallen into place from following the directives from within me.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I had no fear. Perfect love has no room for fear. It is our brain that determines our thinking that creates fear. Our brain is like a biological computer. We are the spirit that resides inside this biological computer.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes People dismiss it. They hear me but then never talk about it again. I have been told not to discuss it or people will think I am crazy.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I felt I had been kicked out of heaven. That God didn't want me. I believed the being that sent me back was shocked to 'see' me therefore I had not been monitored... I later came to believe that it was God who rescued me from myself and that He was monitoring me and wanted me to know my true identity and purpose and that He loved me unconditionally.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It has defined who I am today and my relationship with God.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Writing an essay on the neuro-biology of the ear I was back in that experience. I was so high and excited it was better than an orgasm.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It has made me feel like I don't belong anywhere on earth because I have such a different perception of life. No one understands how significant my experience was. They try to make excuses for why it happened.