Experience Description

On the fourth night after major surgery I had a cardiac arrest. One minute I was telling a nurse I had chest pain, the next, my father was in my room, and we were alone. He stood at the left side of the end of my bed, and I must have been talking too much (as I do), because he interrupted me in a slightly impatient voice, by saying, 'Jackie, you have to make up your mind, are you coming or not??' He used a 'tone' that he always used when I wouldn't get up at 5:00 am in the middle of winter to attend swimming training, after begging him the night before to wake me! This was in my primary school age.

I 'ummed' and 'arhed' and finally said 'I better not!' Before I could tell him why, he was gone. I was surrounded by doctors and nurses, with one doctor yelling my name.

I felt a bit cheated that I didn't experience tunnels, white lights, etc. but also, and continue to feel, a deep sense of satisfaction that our loved ones come to meet us when our time is up.

What surprised me most of all was I didn't see any white lights, and surrounding dad was a blackness of a depth of color I've never seen before. I felt very strongly, that everything around him was blacked out so I couldn't see anything surrounding him! I remember feeling frustrated and a bit cheated that I couldn't 'see' anything.

I described to my mother a few days later what dad was wearing. Mum was shocked that I described 'a light blue suit, but it wasn't a suit, it didn't have long sleeves - I couldn't quite describe it'???

Mum then informed me she had dressed dad in his favorite suit for the coffin. Apparently it was called a 'safari suit' popular in the 1970's on the Gold Coast.

It was then that I remembered him wearing it to work.

He died thirty-two years before and I was only twenty-one years old when he passed, so I had no knowledge about such things.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 4/04/2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related. Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I'm not sure what you mean. I had a cardiac arrest.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness Within seconds of seeing my father.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Within seconds of seeing my father.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My father as I've explained.

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Black.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? A mixture of happy to have dad visit me, disappointment I wasn't experiencing what the books say, and confusion that I was being given a choice to go or stay. An immense sense of 'wow'.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I KNOW now there IS life after death, but given that everything surrounding dad was blacked out so I couldn't see makes me wonder if it's heaven or something else???? I'm not at all concerned though, as ad looked twenty years younger and happy and healthy, so it can't be anything bad!!

What is your religion now? Liberal

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I KNOW now there IS life after death, but given that everything surrounding dad was blacked out so I couldn't see makes me wonder if it's heaven or something else???? I'm not at all concerned though, as ad looked twenty years younger and happy and healthy, so it can't be anything bad!!

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Only that I was given a choice to go or stay.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm SO more patient with friends, family, everybody. I feel and experience so much more joy in my everyday life.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes An incredible 'non-judgmental' attitude, that is still with me now. Just a peace I can hardly explain.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I think I have explained this in my earlier statement. Only thing I can add is how funny I have felt many times since the experience, that dad must have got sick of me 'raving on' as usual, and spoke in 'that voice' to me, to make me listen to him, and make my decision to go with him or stay. I also feel it's 'unreal' that I had a choice!!!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Three days later I told my mother. Her reaction was accepting but not asking any questions. It was not until I remembered what dad had been wearing, that she then appeared to be more believing of me. My brother just laughed it off until I told of what dad was wearing and then he too, seemed to be shocked, but I think still skeptical.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I have seen and experienced many events in my life as a nurse, and always had an open mind. I always 'felt' loved ones came to our patients at death and have witnessed many patients open their eyes and smile to a corner of the room, just before they passed away.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I remember everything vividly as if it happened today.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? The first area you require us to write in, made me feel I was to write my experience down in detail, so the further questions I felt I was repeating myself.