Experience Description

I was in the hospital for a miscarriage, had a dilatation and curettage procedure, and had an allergic reaction to morphine. I was in intensive care for about a week.

That night, I knew I was running a high fever. I actually felt worse than I had the week prior.

I remember turning toward the nightstand and picking up the thermometer, and taking my own temperature. I don't remember if I could even read it, I just remember thinking this is 'Really Bad'. I turned to replace it on the stand and to page for a nurse - I never made it, just slipped away.

No time seemed to lapse.

I found myself sitting (which I thought was odd as felt I should be standing) in a sort of passage. I called it an elevator shaft, but really it was more like a curved, fast moving tunnel, more like a subway than a shaft. But it was not very wide and I was comfortable sitting in it. There were no seats, but one could just seemingly sit in suspension.

The tunnel was surrounded by darkness, which was not surprising for some reason. The darkness appeared to be infinite.

Then as I flowed quickly through this shaft, I realized there was soft glowing light in the distance ahead. Maybe like city lights appear long before you can see the city, more like a glow reflecting off the darkness.

Then as I looked to the side, I began to see images of my life (guess that is the life review). BUT, I saw my high school sweetheart whom, at that point, I had not seen in two years. As I reached out to him and he to me, I was pulled past him - EMOTIONAL SWEEP OF LOSS - I felt I would never be able to reach him and he was where I should be. As deep as knowing that pure love and acceptance lie ahead at the lights of the city, that equal deepness of regret for lost love and a life that was missed. Somehow, beyond words, I knew that was my reason for existing and that I could not leave it unfinished.

That feeling of loss still brings tears to my eyes even though it has now been thirty-seven years.

When I woke up the next morning I WAS SURPRISED! A nurse had walked into the room, found a broken thermometer on the floor next to the stand and make a smart ass comment about I would have to pay for it! I REMEMBER THINKING THAT WAS SOOOO FUNNY just said okay with a big smile on my face. How petty that was after seeing what I had seen - how small all of this life is after seeing what lies ahead.

Ending: I wrote a letter to Joe (my truest love) told only him about my 'dream' then went back to just trying to get through daily routines, but the rest of the story as they say: I was in traffic one day - looked in the mirror and he was there pointing to the side of the road - I pulled over. He came to my window and I said 'What are you doing?' He said 'Waiting for you to come to your senses. Marry me.' We have been happily married for over thirty-five years now and have two wonderful grown children and one grandson. When I look at them, I understand what the reason was for me coming back.

Not only do I no longer fear death - mine or anyone else's - I completely believe in reincarnation and I will see these wonderful souls again and again.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: winter of 1972

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes infection after miscarrage Other 'high fever/infection, intensive care in hospital, passed out during night hours' I had a very high fever and had been in intensive care for about a week from infection. I had an allergic reaction to morphine three days prior to the NDE.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Level is beyond words of the human language. The only explanation is FULFILLED. Not judged, just contentment and love.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I still have no way to know time - everything seemed to go very fast, but I know there is no 'time' there, that is a human invention.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Just seemed to absorb the interpretation of what I was seeing quicker and with more depth and memory of each thing.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My experience only got so far as visual, no sounds.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Smooth curves - flowing.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Saw him, but he is alive so did not get far enough along to meet any who may have crossed over.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Only in a distance. I think I did not reach the full life review and did not go into the light - was on the way when I decided I had to come back.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No think I was on the way, since I was not in trama or shock or anything,,,just drifting away, I think it gave me more time to decide to come back here.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, Loss, Happiness and overwhelming sadness at what would be missed. Not sure how to answer #13, should say all of the above as well as loss and sadness - odd combination of EVERYTHING AT ONCE, relief as in no longer sick. Calm as in it was okay to go there. Peace and understanding of that is where we belong.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Only in that seeing of my 'now' husband and not being able to reach him, like I could not reach outside of the tunnel.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future No, don't think I was that far along.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate raised as Methodist...had not attended any religious functions in years

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I know that no one religion has it right and that while I do believe there is a higher power I do not believe in organized religion, they are based on fear and control - that is not at all correct and I know it with all of my being.

What is your religion now? Moderate Spiritual... DO NOT BELIEVE ANY ORGANIZED RELIGION HAS IT RIGHT

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that no one religion has it right and that while I do believe there is a higher power I do not believe in organized religion, they are based on fear and control - that is not at all correct and I know it with all of my being.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No Again, hard to explain, but through the years I feel this experience causes you to see everything through different filters. It has helped me to be able to help friends who lose a loved one. I can help them understand (if they are open to it) what happens to us as souls - this body is just a container to serve us here on earth.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I made choices to find the correct relationships because of the experience.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I had never heard of anyone having such an experience. Took a long time before I told some people. Told one right away, could only describe as a dream, but I knew it was not a dream - did not know how to explain at that time.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Perhaps not psychic, just more aware which helps to read people and project what choices they will make (right or wrong).

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? To come back and understand how important it is to find the true love and soul mate and to get my life on track - makes me feel as though I did not waste my time span here.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Other than my husband, who I only told some things to, I kept to myself for years - not knowing how to explain it and having never heard of anyone else who had experienced it. I started talking to others telling bits and pieces on when it would help them - as they need to hear it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No Not in any form. I had never lost anyone close to me either, still had grandparents and parents. In the 1970's I never heard of such things.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Best explained as a new 'Sense of who I am and who I was to become'. I thought of it often at first then less and less - then I just got busy with life.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real As time passes and I understand more and more, I KNOW IT IS REAL AND JUST AS REAL TODAY AS THIRTY-SEVEN YEARS AGO.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No A couple of years ago, I had a terrible attack of Vertigo was sure I was having a heart attack or stroke - actually told my husband 'this is it' and would have accepted death. However, with lots of medication and test and eleven hours in the emergency room I never experienced NDE again.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I just wish there was a way to convey this experience to everyone. Our world would change if people only understood our connections to each other and the ONE. We are the ONE with the ONE.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No. It is hard to think of any other way to explain.