'I'm Dead'. The conscious awareness of where I was, where I was going, and how did I get here from there, were echoing through my thoughts. As a Professional Pilot, those three phrases where my backbone of confidence and knowledge about my physical place within this earth's four dimensions of existence - horizontal, lateral, tangential and time.
How could I recognize or understand that I was now dead? As a female decision maker, I had done research explaining the processes of how a female makes her decisions, which were from a holistic point of view, past, present and future within that certain situation.
I now realized I was dead! How would I have come to such a conclusion?
The previous known time was that I was enduring a severe physical challenge, until I could finish my project. I was totally stressed, every muscle in my body was aching, and after a twenty-five-hour day, I had to finish moving, what had I done? Did I finish what I was doing? Did I?
All I remember from that point of time was traveling at a high rate of speed upward through a darken tunnel. I had not made this decision; I was within the Will of another. This tunnel was a winding spiral of circling ribs; I was being propelled upward through. It reminded me of an umbilical cord through which I was being propelled, not touching any of the surrounding membranes but at high speed moving ever upward, leaving the darkened world behind and entering a world of a greater light. The light became even brighter as a moved upward. Only a moment later, I stopped. Surrounding me was the presence of warm radiant light; it was holding me, comforting me, loving me, and enclosing me in perfect rapture, an area of pure soothing brilliant golden white light. I was totally at peace.
I lulled in my senses at this moment of pure rapture, consuming all of the peace that surrounded every part of me that was available. Then I was wondering what was there of me, my physical body, where was it? Why was I giving in to my five senses? Where was I, What was this place that I had come to? Just then, I felt a hand on my right shoulder. I looked toward it, and saw a hand, but not attached to anything else, and where was my shoulder that I had felt it upon.
Then came the conclusion, the intuitive insight that in truth, I was dead. I was in the heavenly Light of God. In my previous life on earth, I was taught and knew I always had the Spirit of an Angel with me where ever I was. This hand, this experience, this Angel, this time of life and death situations, was giving me an insight into another dimension of what this life is all about. It was now the invisible hand of the Light or Energy and Spirit of God, upon my soul, my spirit.
I was in a life-changing occurrence. It was an end, yet it was going to be the beginning of a new life, a life that knew a bit more than before, knowledge, experience, analytic thoughts of not just where I was, but actually where I wanted to go, and how to get there. Those four dimensions of thought I had learned several years before, were now at my fingertips, not for planning a flight over the hardened earthly planet of earth, but for planning a trek over the harden philosophical ground of the Christian Triune God.
I was a person with an optimistic future in mind of what I had to accomplish before I would accept this most gracious offer to stay in this peace. I began screaming to let me out, get me back to my earthly plain, get me out of this peace, I wanted the challenges of physical life, I did not want any part of this yet. I realized I was psychically worn and stressed out back on earth. Overall, my body was in excellent shape, and my mind was alert and eager to proceed onto the next event. I had the Freedom of Will to make it happen, and it did.
In the next instant, I could feel my body lying on my back upon the hard-carpeted floor in the total blackness. I felt around me. I was lying in the new apartment I was moving into that same night of this occurrence.
I also felt the cushions of the sofa that I had just brought down into the room while moving, just before this Near Death Experience (NDE).
I was back on Earth. I had screamed at the Light, the Energy and Spirit of God, Creator of all matter and natural laws. I had chosen my Will over the Will of the Light, or had I? Was this supposed to happen? Was I given the knowledge of the hereafter before I was really ready to be placed in that position? So many questions! But the major question had been answered, that I knew I had something very important that I had to do back here in on Earth, and was brought back again into the circumstances of the natural laws of the universe.
I again became aware of the blackness that surrounded me lying on the new apartment floor. It was still night in the Spring of 1981, and I had to be ready for work this next morning, out at the Hanger of the Aviation Department of the University of North Dakota in Grand Forks, where I was a Supervisor of Flight Operations, tending to department needs and teaching my students to become Professional Pilot instructors. I again slept.
When I awoke again, the sun was very bright in the curtainless room; I was still lying on the hard floor next to the couch cushions. What time was it? Where was the clock? My clothes? My toothbrush?
I put together what I could manage with the boxes in disarray about the room, and left for work.
At the airport, I found that I was two hours late, and had missed one of my students appointments, but another instructor who had come early, flew with him in my absence. I was questioned by the Chief Pilot as to my absence, which I relayed the story of my past day and night's experience. He looked strangely at me for clues if I had had fallen, a bit too much to drink, or was it my brain that had become deranged. He would not believe me of what I had said to him. This does not happen to normal people. But, after an in-depth conversation about the work that I had to do that day, he must have come to the conclusion that my mind was conscious and aware of what was expected of me, and the subject was dropped.
The word got around to the rest of the instructors, supervisors and managers of my night, and there were both believers and non-believers that I had in reality experienced a Near Death Experience.
As time went on, days into weeks after this incident, I became even more engrossed into finding out why or what had actually happened to me that night.
I was at a research University, and so in my spare time, I would go to the Library and look up anything that I could find to tell of others who had experienced some similar occasion.
Date NDE Occurred: Spring 1981
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No See above notation! Other 'Worked under great pressure as a supervisor of flight operations, UND, from 3a.m., after work, then moved furniture personal material goods to new apartment, died at 3a.m. following day. Went through blacken tunnel into the light of pure peace and love.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The brain has an area of memory. I, at the time of the event, did not choose to be in this position of experiencing the NDE. But, after I became cognizant of the place, the texture, the color, the world around me again, the memory of what had taken place was truly what you might call 'the event of a lifetime'.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. As I stated above. Our perception based on our earthly habitation, the experience was considered normal, or within normal conditions.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No The term seeing can be interpreted - through the eyes, or through the brain, as blind people see, yet have no physical eyes to. I sensed the presence of another, my Angel.
And as to the following questions: (19) There was no voice, sight, or the other physical senses that a human holds, yet I knew that a presence was within me.
(20) Senses!!! A common human word to describe a physical phenomenon, yet an NDE was much more and different than the physical earthly component.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm As I stated previous, the dimension had changed. Want more? Call!
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? When I realized that I was dead, I screamed at the Angel's invisible hand that rested on my invisible shoulder. (In my flying career, I had many times been given intuition of what the next moment was going to be, and adjusted my decisions accordingly) I screamed 'Let me out of here! I'm not ready to be in this peace, I have so much I have to do yet back on that earthly material world.' And at that instance, I was back in the black of my new apartment, on the hard floor, with the sofa cushion I had just brought back from the moving.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control If you want to have more of this, which is extensive and profound.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Question (29); United, one with the world? World? First you spoke of a universe, then limited it to world? What would you like?
Q (30) understand everything. In what realm of everything are you referring to? Einstein? Faraday? Newton? Hubble? Hawkings?
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain As I stated before, I chose to come back; I had something yet to do!
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No