Experience Description

I was given anesthesia to perform minor superficial surgery to burn some cysts through the vaginal canal. After the surgery was completed successfully, the doctor told me that I began to cough violently. He told me that when He covered my mouth I could not breathe through my nose.

I only remember the last cough! I coughed myself out of my body and saw them working on me on the operating table. Then I went through this dark whatever. I don't remember that part so well. I only remember that all of a sudden I was floating in an eternal river of life-sized translucent geometric forms. All of them were different shapes of polygons but no circles, and no triangles. These forms were luminescent in pastel colors: light yellow, pink, baby blue. I could see this infinite river and knew I was in it.

A terrible sadness overcame me. This was a very strange place for me and I thought about my parents and my brother. I knew they would never see me again. I didn't want to stay there...I longed for our physical world where I could see a table as a table, a chair as a chair etc.

Instead, I felt very lonely. I was lost in infinity forever. It was like being in solitary confinement in eternity with nothing but my thoughts and emotions. I could remember everything. ( I did not have a life review). I was too busy longing to come back to the physical world. Maybe this was somewhat frightening to me. I always hated being alone.

I was aware that there was a specific point a little beyond me and that if I crossed it, I could never come back. The point was not marked, but yet, I knew it was there. I could also see beyond that point and knew that it was exactly the same there as it was right here where I was.

All of a sudden, I felt a tremendous force push me back into my body through my anus. I felt tingling first in my feet, then in my hands. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw were the three triangles formed by the corner of two walls where they joined with the ceiling. The walls were a lighter green and the ceiling was a darker green.

The doctor came in to see me and told me I had scared a whole hospital. He said that I was "purple" with my eyes bulging, and that he had already taken my US Passport out of my handbag to advise the American Embassy to let my next of kin know that I had died.

After this experience, I talked to my Father's best friend, who was a Dr. of Philosophy and formerly the chief Rabbi of Lima and Mexico City . He told me that this wasn't a dream. If it were a dream, he could explain it to me.

Another friend was a Psychiatrist and a Writer. He told me that it wasn't a hallucination either.

I came back to the U.S. I became ill with repeated upper respiratory tract infections and finally, I had a rhinoplasty to repair the deviated septum to get rid of the infections.

I began a mad search, reading, joining different cults and religions looking for answers. I got books on the Kabala... My search, however, seemed to be guided. I still go through stages of spiritual excitement and growth followed by periods of spiritual quiet.

I know I have spiritual guides now. I know when they are directing something, or when I suddenly meet someone I was supposed to meet.

Shortly after the experience, I seemed to know some things that I had no way of knowing --- it's like pure instinct or a capability of some telepathy only with certain people --- not everyone.

For example, when I lived in Caracas, Venezuela, I went to a party at a Senator's home. His son was my friend. I was very bored with the superficial society parties and found myself in his Father's library looking through books. I was particularly intrigued with a paperback copy of "Seth Speaks" by Jane Roberts. When my friend saw I was reading the book, he offered that I could keep it. Seth helped explain a lot. Today, Seth is quoted in Quantum Physics circles because Seth described the strings before our Physicists knew they existed. My guides even sent me a friend, who is one of my best friends and guides now, and who is a Chemist, a mathematician, and primarily a Quantum Physicist. Naturally, like many of our great thinkers, he is Italian and fortunately, visits us twice a year. This is where I sometimes am guiding him, and he explains advanced concepts to me.

I was called by one of my brother's friends and invited to go to a weekend course in Mind-Control. The room was filled with Doctors, Dentists, professionals etc. At one point, he was discussing Spiritual Guides. I raised my hand and asked, "Who are these guides?" The seminar leader was always very hard on me, whenever I asked any question. In fact, sometimes, he was outright insulting. A girl in the back tried to defend and protect me from his abuse, and said to him: "Maybe she's new to this and doesn't know!" To which he replied, "Who, this little girl? She doesn't know? ... I want you all to know who this little lady is. If all of you had sat down, each one of you, and read, for the past 10 years, you wouldn't know what this little girl knows! Her knowledge concerning metaphysics, esoteric etc. is almost encyclopedic!"

I learned how to capture energy in his class, I learned how to heal with my hands and my mind, and we even did exercises to attempt to enter a different dimension. The techniques are basically the same ones used in hypnosis and through autosuggestion (visualization) etc.

I have used my healing powers very rarely. When I do, my hands become hot and sometimes, I have felt pain go into them during a session.

Here's what I have learned and how I explain my experience:

When I left my body, I still had thoughts and feelings. Therefore, the soul, my soul, really leaves the body in a packet of energy (thought/emotion). I cannot tell you how far or how fast the soul travels. I am certain that I crossed a dimension - out of the physical and into something else, where experiences are thought/energy. Each light I saw was another soul. I was floating in a river of souls. In the Kabala, God is referred to as the Ein Sof. The literal Hebrew translation is "There is no end". In other words, Kabbalistically, God is the Infinite. OK! Infinite of What? All the souls that ever were, that are, and that will be. Each light is a particle of God, The Infinite! The Energy (thought/emotion) is therefore both infinite and Omnipotent. Now I understand why we call someone "enlightened".

Where was I? In Heaven, or in Hell? Actually, you go to exactly the same place. If you can connect to the other lights, then, you are no longer alone, you're in Heaven! If you cannot connect, then you are lost in eternity, completely by yourself, without connection to anything but your own thoughts and emotions! To me, that represents solitary confinement forever! If that isn't Hell, then I don't know what Hell is. I now believe that Love is the energy that allows you to connect. It is like the communications protocol necessary to make the connection and communicate with the other souls and to become a part of God (to return to God). I knew I was undeserving of that from the way I had been living my life prior to the experience.

Unfortunately, I still slid back into those old ways for a while. I still needed to grow while I was searching. I didn't really straighten out until 1986. In 1987 I met my husband, and in 1988 I got married. My life and my values are totally different. My own family doesn't really know me.

Jesus was right when he said "God is inside, outside and everywhere." That river of lights was the unity of all the souls. We are all a part of God and God is really all there is. In Judaism, we say: Hear, Oh Isr'l, the Lord our God, the Lord is One!

In the Kabala, the soul emanates from God and is on a journey to return. If you trace this path, you've just drawn the mathematical symbol for infinity.

In Judaism, we are taught that you are now allowed to pronounce the name of God. Also, the tetragramaton YHVH (written without vowels in Hebrew) cannot be pronounced, physically, with the vocal cords. In fact, we pronounce YHVH every moment we live. It represents each breath. When we can no longer breathe YH in, VH blow out...then we cease to live.

The other questions I had was: If I've never been here before, how do I know that point that I must not cross or there's no way back!

I had a choice to go on, or this enormous desire not to cross that point. But, If I've never been here before, how do I know this? The point isn't marked, and I can't remember ever being here?

My conclusion was that I must have been here before, but I must have forgotten it at the moment of birth. I still can find no other explanation.

I asked a very special, psychic Rabbi in Sao Paulo, Brazil, "Why did I come back?" He answered, "Because the Lord had Mercy on you."

I still feel I have a mission to accomplish, but I don't know what it is. What I have learned from the experience is too much for me to write down in just one evening.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1973

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Deviated Septum. I wasn't given anything to dry up the mucous. Also, I was a smoker at the time. I was also given Ketalar as an anesthetic. Death, however, was confirmed by the doctor. Clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I have already described this at length above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was totally conscious throughout the experience. My thoughts were clear and I experience terrible sadness.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I saw nothing that resembled anything on this Earth! I was perceiving in a different dimension. I could see without eyes, and what I saw was more like a kind of cosmic foam. I was in eternity and wanted to get out. I have no idea how long my experience lasted.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I heard absolutely nothing except the chatter of my own thoughts.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I went from looking down at my body surrounded by physicians working on me on the table through a brief darkness, I think, right into the infinite river of lights.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I was in the River of Lights.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm My brother was shown elders who had died in the late 1800's and our mom's dad who died when she was five years of age.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Terrible sadness and longing, nostalgia for this world.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Definitely. Knowledge of the point of No Return, even though I could see into eternity.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I knew about the spot that I must not cross. Lord only knows how! My experience woke me up to a new life of searching desperately for explanations and answers to what I had experienced --- and what I learned subsequently definitely changed my life for the better.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I am still keenly aware of future events. Many of the things occurring today are things I told my husband would happen 10-15 years ago. It's really uncanny. I just get these feelings. There are times when I speak about something that I feel that the words are flowing through me, but I don't know how.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will Yes, I desperately wanted to Return! I missed the World!

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What is your religion now? Liberal Actually, a mixture of Kabalistic and accepting of all souls and faith as part of the ONE. I was a part of the ONE. What I perceived (saw without eyes) were all shapes of translucent luminous polygons in pastel colors. I was floating in an eternal river of these forms and could feel gentle pressure around me. I was extremely sad and felt very alone --- lost in infinity forever.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I've already described some above, but that is another subject that I need to discuss more fully with a researcher.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No I can describe it in detail to this very date. What I saw was totally beyond anything I could relate to in this material world of ours. But I can describe it in physical terms anyway. I believe I can explain what I saw and where I was after reading volumes and volumes of books and exposing myself to different religious thoughts. Actually, the best explanations are Kabbalistic and are first being explored in Quantum Physics.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Increased intuition, premonitions, telepathy with certain people and the ability to heal when I put my mind to it. I rarely get myself into the situation of healing. I've only gone when I'm told that the doctors have given up and are letting the person die. I have effected definite changes, and in one case, took a woman who had suffered from an aneurism out of a coma. I came out of the room and contradicted her doctors. I said she was going to come out of it --- and she did!

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The newness of the environment was both the best and the worst part. It was totally alien, and therefore, for me, very scary.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Interestingly enough, for some reason I only share this experience with people who seem to be predisposed to accept this kind of conversation and thoughts.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Actually, I seemed to have answered everything in the first segment where you asked me to describe my experience. Some of the questions were redundant for me, but I can see where some people wouldn't have gone into the description at length, like I did, so that you could get the needed information. I have been looking for people like you to tell my story to. The subject bears research. My own parents do not believe a word of this. They don't believe that there is such a thing as Near Death. I know what I experienced was real.