Trying to describe the events that happened on the evening of the 26th December 2010 is an exercise that seems difficult, in the way that it is the first time that I'm doing it.
It happened almost three years ago.
Christmas took place together with the family and it seems that I had the desire to escape, see something else. I had the feeling to suffocate.
I wanted to go out, see the world, to intoxicate, feasting; forget the family, forget the life as a student that seemed to be a weight.
That's what I did. Went out to a bar in Paris, have a drink. Then another one. And still another one.
Continuing the tour of the bars. Always drinking the alcohol alone.
In the course of the evening, chance encounters happen. And I let myself being lulled by the encounters, keeping up with the alcohol, oblivion, and debauchery.
Later in the night, I entered a pub and continue drinking. And encounter, probably the one person too many, probably drink one glass too many; He is a man proposing me to come with him in his hotel where cocaine and GHB are waiting to complete this night soon well stocked.
I'm so intoxicated that I am incapable to think about the people I love, incapable of having a clear conscience, incapable of taking care of myself; the oblivion of my world is at close hand.
The hotel room is pleasant with a big desk already covered with cocaine. Alternating the doses with some drops of GHB in an umpteenth glass of whiskey-coke, the room starts spinning. I hear a man with his soft voice that lulls me.
But dawn is braking and the dream turns into a real nightmare. The man has to go to work, and leaves me alone in the room. It's not for long, an hour at the most.
My family is trying to contact me on my phone, as yes I forgot that we had to leave for London in the same evening.
The cocaine is oppressing me and what I believed being a drunken freedom, forgetting everything. All this is coming back to me, like a badly thrown boomerang, that's coming back to you, right into your face.
Now I hold the 3/4 bottle of GHB in my right hand and swallow the whole thing.
Finally, I lay down on the bed, sad and helpless but soon appeased. I take a long breath and fall asleep panting. Then nothing anymore.
Blackness. Start of NDE.
I'm in a kind of matter. It's a cold black matter, but it is pleasant as I'm one with (part of) this matter. It's as if this matter was the extension of my body.
My body is weightless in this matter. Little by little, I start to distinguish that this matter has a huge space. It is as if I found myself at the other side of the Universe. All around myself is sidereal space. I'm flying while floating in the Universe. I feel good. All my fears are gone.
My body is in communion with the black matter. I then move my arms and legs. It's an unbelievable sensation of reality. I'm pleasantly amazed. I start dancing. I'm dancing with the matter. I feel so good.
Then at my left, perpendicularly to my body, a man appears. It's difficult for me to describe this man flying through the Universe like me. At the beginning, I had the feeling to see myself. It was as if I was seeing my double. But the more I move my arms and legs, the more I dance while flying, the more I identify the man as being Jesus.
Jesus is looking at me. There's nothing Christ-like at him, but I know that it's Jesus. I know it as this man has a smile and a look that I never saw before. A smile and a look speaking of love. I saw Jesus who was smiling at me and loving me, and the more he looked at me the more I felt at ease.
Then he looked away from me, and looking to the same direction as he did, I saw myriads of stars all around me. It was a sight of beauty.
Between those stars, one of them in front of me is holding back my attention.
And there I didn't fly anymore on the spot. My body, gracefully and with an absolute well-being, propelled itself forward, the chest oriented horizontally, towards this star. I went faster and faster. Maybe even faster than light speed.
The stars surrounding me lost their shape due to this speed, and it seemed as if I was traveling through a tunnel.
And the light in front of me was warm, full of love. The light grew bigger and bigger and I felt even better. When the light filled my complete field of vision. I woke up.
End of my coma of 72 hours after a cardiac arrest. I woke up in hospital, in a much lesser mood than in my NDE experience. I vomited and suffered headaches during 12 hours at least. I was crying all the tears that my body could give. I love my family, my friends and the man that I'm going to marry.
Today I'm healed of my loneliness and my fear of life. Today I can live.
Date NDE Occurred: 29.12.2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No After my experience I regularly dreamed about tsunamis;
And the night preceding the Japanese tsunami, I dreamed of it with plenty of dead people. The following morning I told this dream around and at midday all the people I talked to, confirmed that it was true - a premonitory dream. I don't know if it is connected to my experience, but it would be interesting to know if those have aftereffects, days and month following the event; all the while I often wondered myself about this.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal More consciousness and alertness than normal The experience that I lived is very intimate for me. It is so very different of a simple dream that one could have, as the dream is very often disconnected, be it from the body, or from a sense, or from an emotion; I want to say by this, that during my experience all was linked and well linked, my whole body and soul were active.
Then it is a real experience, different of 'every day' experiences, as - and it's doubtless difficult to hear - there is an almost undefinable chemical bonding. I understand that laws that we are not suspecting govern your soul and your body. That nobody nowadays is able to comprehend. Maybe I'm wrong but the light was of another brightness as the brightness of the sun for instance; it was a purer light, more white and more visible. Of a philosophical point of view for example; it is as if I came out of Plato's cave and that I saw and felt another world, the real one. And when returning to the cave (my waking up after the coma) the world took a new meaning, a meaning that makes sense, a world of the love of truth.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? My state of lucidity was in the first moment. I have difficulties believing that I'm floating and dancing in the Universe.
It's a state of absolute consciousness as I realize it immediately and am amazed about it.
It's as if I was in an abstract world. The world of the absolute.
A world of ideas, of love, of presence, of void and fullness at the same time.
My encounter with Jesus is the second most lucid moment, as it is not so much the person that marked me (how he was, did he have a crown on his head) no, it's rather the CONNECTION, the LINK of love, loyalty, trust, comprehension. This connection between us was like being indestructible, strong, reassuring, and so protective.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision, under the influence of drugs, alcohol, and absence of sleep was quite vague, even if normally I have no problems of vision.
The vision during the experience was an omniscient vision; I saw everything at the same time. My sense of vision was tenfold even if sometimes certain details slip away, especially about Jesus.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing before the experience was quite normal: I remember cars in the street, the noise of the horns.
During the experience, it is as if I was in a soundproof world; it is as if you came into a space that was totally covered with fiberglass.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Well-being, Love, Joy
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe To comprehend means to take it along, I took it along.
To comprehend also means to put words on it, I try to do this
Emotionally it was a union, a comprehension of an almighty love, afterwards, to put words on it will doubtlessly take the rest of a life.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Do not know
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No But nevertheless I will explain it.
I believe in Jesus and in God, but it is very intimate to me.
I don't believe in church, because church, and this is personal, is crammed full of dogma, of principles that prevent and sometimes scleroses outdated ideas, and ideas on the fringes of our era.
And I'm also homosexual and it is difficult for me to nowadays hear the bias of church about this.
There is a total disconnection, between my experience with my very intimate encounter with Jesus and God, and the vain encounter with church, wherein I don't fit as may others too, today.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Do not know J'ai été baptisé chrétien à l'âge de 2 ans.
J'ai également fait mes deux communions.
Puis peu à peu, étant homosexuel et n'adhérant pas aux idées de l'Eglise, je m'en suis détourné jusqu'à ignorer totalement la religion.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. je ne croyais pas
j'aimais à moitié et bien souvent que pour moi
je me voilais la face
je cherchais toujours le bon dans le mal
je fermais souvent les yeux
j'avais peur de vivre
tout ça mon expérience et ma rencontre avec Dieu et Jésus car je les ai rencontré et je suis sûr qu'ils existent maintenant (avant j'avais de grands doutes( tout ça ne fait plus parti de ma vie
et je veux donner de l'amour
et prendre soin des gens que j'aime.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes To love better, to help better, to feel better
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No I remember that Jesus took more or less my appearance
His eyes were black, transparent, a warm smile that would cradle you
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain Je me souviens que Jésus avait plus ou moins pris mon apparence.
Ces yeux étaient noir, transparent
un sourire chaud dont on voudrait se laisser bercer.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes L ' A M O U R
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes LE DON
NE PLUS AVOIR PEUR
L'ETONNEMENT DE TOUT
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Again it is my connection to the world that has changed. An opening of love brought me back to the essentials by simply loving.
And to choose life.
After the NDE:
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Premonition dream
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I didn't know exactly
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real This encounter with absolute love always stayed very concrete, in the sense as the experience is present in myself like a stamp, an indelible mark, an intensive bodily memory.
During the months following the event, love was making me cry a lot.
This seems strange but it happens that I think about it and I start crying.
They are no tears of sadness or sorrow: they are tears of reconciliation with the world that don't dry up
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? The question about 'aftereffects' of an NDE days and months after.
When is this happening? How is this happening?
For instance, three month after, I had a premonitory dream of the tsunami and why could a link be made with the NDE?