By the time my son found me, I was blue. He ran to the neighbor and told them that something was wrong with his mom. As they were taking me to the hospital, my heart stopped and from outside my body, I watched them do cardiopulmonary resuscitation on me so that they could at least get me to the hospital. As we arrived at the hospital, I began to descend into a darkness. My body, of course, stayed in the hospital, but I found myself falling down a very dark tunnel. Demons appeared around me and, although I was spirit, they were going through the motions of ripping my flesh off. It was intensely painful. As I went deeper and deeper into Hell, I saw many prominent historical figures, and lastly, my father. My father turned to welcome me to Hell, and I was thinking that this was it for me. My life on Earth was over, and I've ended up in Hell. Getting out of Hell would not be a possibility. But suddenly, I started to move away from them and began to go back up the tunnel towards my body. However, I did not return completely. I stayed apart from my body, watching the doctors work on it. They were trying to stabilize my vital signs and flush out all the drugs and alcohol so the toxins would not continue to ravish my body. I was horrified at the things they were doing but was glad that the demons were no longer tearing my flesh off. After what seemed like forever, my heart started to beat in a fairly reasonable manner and I was breathing with the help of a ventilator. As my vital signs returned, I was pulled towards, and then into, my body. At that point, my awareness ceased and I returned to unconsciousness. I woke up about 10 hours later in the intensive care unit. I tried to talk but was unable to because of the ventilator. Eventually the doctors reversed my condition and, out of danger, I stayed in the intensive care unit for another week. While I was there, they suggested I go to addiction treatment and also recommended I address what I had told them had happened to me when I had died. (They did not believe there was a Hell.) After that, I did go into treatment and now I have 18 years of sobriety. I became an Addiction Specialist, trying to help others learn to deal with addiction, so they would never have to experience the misery that I had.
Date NDE Occurred: June 1994
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I told the doctors about how I had seen the paramedics doing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on me when my heart had stopped on the way to the hospital, and also that I had watched them do scary medical procedures on me in the hospital.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was able to see what was happening in the emergency room and I also felt the demons.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As I was descending into Hell.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I became aware of just how bad my Hell really was.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could hear what the doctors were saying up until the time when I started descending into the tunnel. From then on, all I heard was agony around me.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was a dark tunnel with demons and screams of terror.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I wished I had gone to Heaven to be with my first son and my grandmother, but instead I was given the same fate as my father. This place where I went was truly Hell.
The experience included: Hellish imagery
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt intense fear.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No I am much more spiritual and, although I don't necessarily believe there is God, I know there is something bigger than me that takes care of all the people I love.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was an atheist and did not beliieve in either Heaven or Hell.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I became spiritual, became a better parent, and I now have compassion for just about everyone.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw demons and prominent historical figures.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes As I watched over my doctors and my body I was shown several past lives in which I was adifferent and better person I app'rently did not have the same fate. I was a healer, Race car Driver and a prominet figure ofthe community in ancient times.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I came to the awareness of an evil and and never ending pain and suffering.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I experienced the difficulties and hardships of the behavior I was experecing in the past and all the people that I hurt thatwere still in some pain as a direct result of my actions.
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Before this experience, I did not care about anyone. I was a nurse with no compassion (except when caring for people in hospice.) Nowadays, I care very much about my fellow man and try to help whenever possible.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes My children have never felt the pain of abuse, my husband and I are extremely close and I feel what he feels. My friends realize I am a genuine person and if I say I will do something, I usually do it (unless something that I can't control happens).
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the event that lead to this decent
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can feel things prior to them happening.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Feeling demons tearing my flesh off and hearing those unearthly sounds brought me to a sense that there is a cosmic force that believes I am worth saving.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes The first time I shared it was with the intensive care unit nurses and then after that, my husband, and later, the navy chaplain.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I am still fearful of going back to Hell even though I have changed my ways.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I am not sure where I will go when I die but I hope it is a peaceful place, because I don't want to ever experience that again.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I think that is it. I just wanted people to know that not only is there a Heaven that everyone talks about, but there is also a Hell that no one wants to think about.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? This questionnaire was pretty inclusive, so I might not have asked those repeated questions, but I understand why you did.
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