I was taking a ride with a friend of the family, it was a 'treat' to go with him, adult and child although I didn't want to I was forced into it. He stopped in a field and tried to rape me, saying fundamental Christian things the whole time. I fought him; he got angry and slammed the left side of my head against the dashboard.
The next thing I knew I was following an intense bright light, there was darkness all around me, the light didn't hurt my eyes, it was warm and loving, I wanted to be where it was. I wanted to go, even though I didn't understand what was happening, that I was leaving my family and the family dog who I loved so much. When I arrived, my memory is fuzzy about it but I remember people around me, no one I knew had died yet. These people were in white robes. They were so alive, more alive than anyone I had known before, they were shown with intense light but my eyes were not like earth eyes and I could see different there, like my eyes were adjusted for the light. Like when you go out from a dark house to a bright day and your eyes adjust to the brightness. These people were complete love. They told me things. Some I didn't remember until later in my life. (Because of the molestation I had ongoing from the man's son and the brain injury I forgot a lot. I remembered the day I buried the memory of the molestation, I was ten because I could not handle it at that time.) They told me I would not have children, but I would come to be at peace with it. I always knew I could not have children; I had a hysterectomy without ever having children. Our dogs and cats are like our children to us.
I have realized since I remembered the brain injury and the residuals came up in my late thirties that I would never have been able to take care of children. I saw myself starting to become successful and I had glasses. I was eager to get glasses, which I got at the age of twenty-five. They told me that I would have someone very special, a love that is a true love to love me the rest of my life. I always knew that I would find the special someone. I married my husband at age twenty-two. Because of the molestation, and the problems I had emotionally with that, we separated but talked every day and spent every Saturday together. We got re-married last year after working everything out, after I forgave that man. We still have that special love, more than ever.
I don't remember them telling me this, but I have seen the future and happenings as they happen. We used to live about a mile from highway 97 there were accidents on it quite frequently. I would know when they happened at times. Once we were driving the long way home, I told Cary to slow down; I had a feeling of panic in this one spot. The next day I found out that a man died at that spot. Another time I woke up feeling crushed. The next day, I found out that a couple were crushed but not killed by rocks coming off the hill five miles away. There are too many to list. I always knew that if I used this ability for my own gain I would lose it, not that I ever would use it for my own gain. My frustration in it is it is never clear enough to warn anyone.
They also told me I would be very successful in life professionally and do great things for others. I am now starting to do many things in my profession. This last year and I am on the Colorado Traumatic Brain Injury Advisory Board. I know I will be doing more for others. I plan to volunteer for Mother Teresa's hospice here in town once my job situation works out.
I think they told me more but I don't remember. They told me I had to go back. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in that wonderful place, where I would be like them, where I would get such wisdom, I knew it would hurt so much to go back to my body, but I had to go back. I felt a pull on my whole self and like a zip, I was back in my body. (There was blackness all around going back in, the in-between here and there, even though there is no difference, they are here but we don't see them because we are too caught up in the physical world, is blackness.) I felt so bad, my head hurt so horribly bad, I was so sick and throwing up, I was so dizzy. He was scared to death, he was praying, he knew he killed me. He was not scared for me, I was less important than his cows, he was scared for himself; how was he going to explain this, what would happen to him?
Dying is wonderful. No matter how, it doesn't hurt to die. What hurts is coming back to your body. There is no fear in dying; dying is being born into the real life. We are here to love each other. To learn. That is what the message is. I want everyone to know that it is real there, more real than here, and what I said about dying and their message.
Date NDE Occurred: not sure. I was 5 years old. I am now 44
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Criminal attackDirect head injury Other 'man attacking me hit head against dashboard, I died, came back'. I died.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I was there, on the other side.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was there, on the other side.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It was not here. It was too wonderful and intense to be here.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did your vision differ in any way from normal? The more realness, intenseness of everything, brightness, but I could see it all with eyes not of the body, eyes of the spirit. Much better eyes. Eyes that could take it in. See deeper and more. Hard to explain. I wish you could have seen it, you will someday.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Not that I can remember, I would expect that I should since everything was so much more intense but I don't remember it.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They were on the other side. I didn't know them, they weren't passed on friends or relatives, no one had passed on in my life at that time, but I 'knew' them somehow. They told me I would never have kids. I would start to be successful in my life after I got glasses. I would have a special love to be with me the rest of my life, I would see the future but lose the ability if I ever used it for personal gain (other than saving myself from harm), I would be successful professionally and do great things in helping people, it would hurt very bad going back to my body. I must go back. They told me other things that I don't remember yet but I will know when I happens.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Total peace, intense love, NOT wanting to go back to my body, amazement at learning what I did.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control In knowing I would never have kids I didn't get my hopes up. It was easier that way. Knowing I was going to have a special love helped me when I would have lost hope later in life and that got my husband and me together again. Knowing I would be successful in life made me always fight, never give up, of course a lot of this is my nature and having the brain injury, you fight every day just to live.
The experience included: Vision of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I was told in words and not words but in knowing. Totally accurate.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Not only because of the man who killed me and what he was saying, the Christian stuff which has caused me a fear of Christians. But what I learned on the other side is contrary to the fundamental belief. It does fit my current beliefs.
What is your religion now? Liberal religious scientist/metaphysical
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Not only because of the man who killed me and what he was saying, the Christian stuff which has caused me a fear of Christians. But what I learned on the other side is contrary to the fundamental belief. It does fit my current beliefs.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No I was only five no memory of a life before it happened.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain The beauty of it, the intensity of light, the more life of the people without the shell of the body. How it hurt to come back into my body. How much I wanted to stay. How wonderful it is there.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I was five and don't know of what my life was before that. The special gift I have I don't know if I had before. Skeptics about precognition always say if it is real, how come the people who have it don't see their own bad things coming. The 'bad' things in my life I don't see because I needed to go through them and turn out to be good in the long run.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? What I was told.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I was thirty-eight it happened when I was five. I had buried the memory of the molestation because I was young and couldn't handle it. When I was thirty-eight I was ready to handle the memory and was in therapy, my therapist was an expert in brain injuries. She never led me in any way, I was having many residuals, and I am a medical coder so know a lot about medicine. I told her one day that I thought maybe I had a brain injury when I was molested; she gave me a book she had written a chapter in. I took it home and read part of one chapter; I had sticky notes everywhere with arrows pointing. I had eight of the ten signs of TBI (traumatic brain injury). I was tested and have a moderate brain injury. About a month later without her leading or encouraging me to remember anything, I remembered the whole event. She believed me. I have told others, the daughter, my oldest and best friend of the man who did it; she believed me and grieved about the harm done to me. I have told my husband and the man I was seeing for a while. I don't remember all I told. Most were very sad about the damage caused me. They were also fascinated about it, believed in NDE's. At my mother-in-law's funeral, get together this year there was a family member who is dying of cancer. I didn't tell the whole story, just that I was killed and came back, that it is a wonderful place, a place you don't want to come back from, that it doesn't hurt to die, what hurts is to come back. No one said a thing.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I can only say years after it happened but right after I remember. It cannot be viewed as anything but real. Everything I experienced was more real than here on this side. Also most of everything I was told at age five had happened before I remembered.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Dying doesn't hurt, even if it is a traumatic death, what hurts is coming back to the body. There is nothing to fear in death. It is a birth into the real life. We are put here to love each other. To learn. That is their message that they want us all to get.