I was born what is called a blue baby; in other words, I had a hole in my heart. When I was five, almost six, I had open-heart surgery at the Children's hospital in St. Paul Minnesota. I remember the experience like it was yesterday.
I left my body and even at five years old, I knew I was no longer in my body. I looked around the operating room and saw the doctors the nurses the equipment. As I rose higher, I was met by a being of pure light. There were no arms and legs, there was no clothing; it was pure light. It was a very, very bright white light, yet it did not bother me to look at it. The being of light enveloped me but I did not have a body. I had no form. It was as if I melded with this light.
I could hear distant voices but couldn't understand the words. It was like listening to people chatter in a crowded room but not so loud as that. I was not afraid. I was not frightened at all as if a five year old would be consciously. I only had conscious knowledge of what was going on at the time. The being stayed with me until it was time to go back. I wasn't given a choice to go back or stay. The being said, "It is time to go back now," and pulled away from me. While I was enveloped in its light, I felt so loved and that I loved so much. I did not hurt; I did not feel sorrow or sadness. Simply love and peace.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room with tubes still sticking out of my sides from the blood transfusion. I wasn't afraid though. My mother was crying and I just held her hand. I felt good, I didn't hurt or anything.
When I was sixteen years old, the doctors told me that I would probably never be able to have children naturally. I have three and never had a problem with any of them. Two of them seem to have gotten some of this psychic stuff rubbed off on them. Both exhibit many of things that happened to me when I was five. One is now twelve and the other fifteen. I'm not sure about the third as she has never said anything about strange things happening to her yet. All my children are girls.
After the surgery, I knew when people were going to die. I got in trouble once for saying my great-uncle was going to die soon. He died two weeks later. I lost my best friend when I was sixteen years old and two weeks before she died, I had a premonition dream about it. All I saw was a white coffin with pink roses painted around the edges. When my great-grandmother died (on Christmas Day), I knew exactly what was going to be said before my mother even picked up the phone. I was eleven at that time. My Grandfather passed away in January of 2000, three days before he died, I was standing on my balcony, and I saw the air shift. It was winter. It was like watching hot steam rise off the pavement in the summer time. I knew it was something bad but wasn't sure what. Then my mother called and told me three days later that grandpa had passed away.
I developed a writing ability at an early age. I would get in trouble with my third grade teacher because we were supposed to be practicing our cursive writing but I would always end up writing something else and have to start over. I couldn't help it. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I thought I was done with my cursive writing. Usually it turned out to be some sort of story or another. I can't draw at all but I paint pictures with words very easily when creative writing. I am told I am especially good at poetry. I write short stories but usually nothing anyone else would be interested in reading.
I feel the presence of "spirits" in rooms. The air becomes very heavy and it's almost as though I can hear them talking trying to say something to me. Once I got upset with the whole idea of it and yelled at the thing, if you are here then show yourself to me. At that moment, the air shifted in waves as though something were trying to make its way through from another place. I quickly looked away and it stopped.
Often times when I am supposed to be sleeping, I am off somewhere else. Unfortunately, on the times this happens, I end up in a place where a child or children are being hurt. Usually forward in time. I see horrific things that I can't do anything about them. When I travel, I see, hear and smell everything.
I once experienced the most horrifying experience of my life. A man shot his wife and children. I woke up in my bed paralyzed with fear. Two days later, a man about forty miles from where I live shot and killed his entire family and himself. Usually when I have these experiences, I am not me but yet I am. In the case with the man and his family, I experienced the whole thing, as the mother would have. I know he shot her first. I could hear the screaming, the pleading and the crying of the children.
When I am in a room with many people, I feel all the joys, sorrows, and pains of the people in the room. It's a hideous feeling to say the least. I have had two other NDEs in my life. After having my tubal ligation and after a disco gram. These are my experiences during and after my NDE. Can I explain them no. Do I want to understand? Yes.
Date NDE Occurred: February 1974
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death I was having open heart surgery.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I knew without a doubt I was no longer in my body. I felt myself leave and I knew I was going somewhere without my body.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was very conscious of what was going on at the time.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It was like time stood still. There was no moving forward or backward. Just being right there in the moment.
Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Just distant voices and the voice of the being that was with me.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The being that was with me.
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The being was wholly comprised of light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was only five and couldn't comprehend dimensions. I was like on the outside looking in.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, uninhibited love. The most loving feeling incomprehensible to mankind.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was told to go back.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No I was five and required to believe as my mother did.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I was five years old and had led a very sheltered life. I didn't understand what was happening.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Traveling, premonitions, intuition, visions, the ability to feel the feelings of people surrounding me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was the being enveloped into that loving existence. The worst part has been everything after that.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes For the first time in my life I told the pastor at my church so that we could work on finding out what is happening to me.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The tubal ligation. I was told to come back there was much to be done. (No explanation of what that "much" might be.)
The discogram. (local anesthetic only) I was told to come back, the lady wolf was waiting for me. I found a high priestess here by the name of Lady Wolfen Mists. She definitely had some lessons to teach me.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? These things are scary and confusing. It is with great pain that I live each day now. I do not fear death. I fear life.