Experience Description

It was a normal afternoon when I had finally gotten my two little ones down for a nap. Two days earlier, I was having problems waking up when I tried to sleep during nap time and at night, which I had discussed as concerns with my husband. So on this particular day I was nervous about falling asleep and decided I would just watch some TV instead. Well I sat myself down on the couch and started watching my favorite soap box and next thing I knew someone was yelling at me to wake up. I kept hearing this voice telling me to 'Wake up, Diane, you have to wake up.' When I opened my eyes and started to sit up (because I thought I had fallen asleep), I looked forward and there stood my grandmother. Now my grandmother had died when I was three or four years of age and so, my memory of her is very slight. But there she stood in the doorway of my living room going into my kitchen, looking at me and talking to me, although she didn't move her mouth. I kept looking at her lips because that was something I had always done since I was little was watch people's lips as they talked. Anyway, I couldn't see her lips move and then I realized that she was talking to me through my senses. I asked her what she was doing and she told me I could come with her. I hesitated, not knowing where she was going and then asked her, 'Where are you going?' She just looked at me and then told me, 'You can come, 'come on,' and she started to turn away and it looked like she was going down the hall towards my little girl's room. I knew that if I didn't get up and go with her then I would not know where to go and I just couldn't stay where I was, so I started to get up.

That's when I realized that I was not connected to my body anymore. I felt weightless and light, almost airy. I looked down at my body and it was not moving with me. Then I looked back up at grandma to see where she was going and she was gone. That scared me so I knew I had better hurry and catch up with her. Next thing I knew I was high in my living room or out of it, I'm not sure. I do know that I looked back down to where I came from and there was my body. At first I thought I should be worried that I left it behind, but it looked okay and I thought to myself that it would be okay right there on the couch. I could see the colors of my clothing and the furniture and the exact way I was laying there. It was amazing! I then went somewhere for a while. I'm not sure. I can't remember where I went. But my grandmother was not with me at that time. I was by myself.

Then I came back to this floating position above myself, but at an angle, I couldn't really see myself, but I could. If you can understand that. Anyway, there were two people or things (spirits I think) with me. There was one on my left and one on my right side. I was told that I could stay or I could go back. As I looked down at 'me', it was kind of fuzzy. I was trying to decide if I wanted to go back, because I sure didn't want to leave this wonderful, peaceful, loving, and totally accepting place I was in. Then my mother and sister and my two little girls popped into my head and I knew they would need me -- even if it meant that I would suffer most of my life -- I was needed, I had to go back, I couldn't leave them without me. So at that very moment I made the decision to go back. And... All of a sudden, I am in this dark place falling, falling, faster and faster and felt like I was being squeezed into this little tiny hole until I felt my body again. It was blacker than I have ever seen. It was darker than any night and blacker than any black could be. I almost felt frightened, until I felt my body again, the weight, the pressure. My lungs hurt so badly and I didn't think I was going to make it. All of a sudden, I heard this voice yelling at me to, 'Wake up Diane, you have to wake up!' It kept on and on until I finally tried to open my eyes. At that moment I remember trying to take a deep breath, it was as if I had popped back into my body and I needed to start breathing again, almost for the first time. My chest heaved and my lungs sucked the air slowly in little by little and all of a sudden I took one big deep breath of air, it hurt so bad!! I took another breath and then I opened my eyes and I realized that something was very wrong with me, but I remembered what I had experienced. I saw my grandmother -- and she was in a yellow flowered dress and she wanted me to come with her.

I sat up on the couch and then realized that I was soaking wet, my clothes, my hair, everything. Even the couch was damp from my wetness. I gathered what senses I had and went to the phone to call my mother because my heart was racing and I just had to tell her that I went with her mother! Later, I started having more ESP signs and things started happening to me naturally and at any time day or night. I saw murders, I saw a baby be kidnapped from a hospital not far from where I lived. I knew what people were going to say before they even came to the door to say it. I knew when someone was going to call on the phone before it rang. As the years went by more and more started happening -- in 1986, we moved to our first new home -- it was an old home, but it was our first. There, after living in the home for a few months, I knew we had company. Little company! Children, I think a boy and girl, who would play in our home while we were gone and when we'd return I'd catch them playing, by hearing them as we walked in, and then they would stop. Then in 1993 or 1994 a man came to visit me -- a spirit, from back in the horse and buggy days. He put his hands on my shoulders and I felt his warmth and love and his pain. It scared me and I jumped up and ran into the other room. I yelled at him asking him what he wanted from me -- because I had heard his footsteps often and the girls had seen his shadow at the end of their beds at night and so had I.

But my husband had never heard or seen anything. Anyway, someone had told me that if it wasn't a spirit of God and you told it to go away in his name it would -- so I did. I have only had a couple more occasions where he returned to talk to me -- he wanted to know why I thought he would hurt me. I was really scared now. I didn't want any more to do with this stuff. So after a while I just started ignoring everything that happened. I quit allowing my senses to recognize anything that was put forward to me -- I just went on my way. Then for a while I could even use my hands to make people feel better -- I could feel the heat in my hands as I touched their body to rub out a knot in their back or shoulders. Everyone in the neighborhood wanted me to give them messages. But then when I started learning more about the 'chi' and tried to tell others, people thought I was getting 'weird' and began to be scared of me -- so I quit that too. When my mother was in the hospital very ill and dying -- the spirit came to her bedside next to me. I told him he could not have her yet, that I wasn't finished with her and he left. Day after day, she got better and better and now is living a full and pretty healthy life. Anyway, I have always felt like I was here for a reason, but now I feel like I don't know what that reason is and I feel lost, misplaced.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes The gas from the heater leaking into the room. I was only about five feet from the unit. I knew I had not been breathing when I re-entered my body. The breaths of air were bringing me back to life. I remember when I finally came to -- I thought that must be what a new born baby feels when it is taking its first breath of air! Then my heart raced so hard, it felt like it would pop right out of my chest!

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was light and moved very quickly around and up and down. It was incredible! I felt so free and open and honest and pure. I loved it!!

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Wonderful!! I knew exactly what was happening after I realized I was floating and it was okay with me to be doing that. I was unsure how I got back to the floating position and was anxious about where I had been, but had to concentrate on making a decision as to whether I wanted to come back or stay there. So I guess I didn't think about my trip as much until it was all over. Then I tried to think real hard about where I had went. But I just can't remember.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I am not sure how long it took me to get from the couch to the higher level I was in, but it couldn't have been more or less than a second. The blackness lasted longer and was awful. I felt like was going straight down with such power and force! It horrified me!!

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? A voice telling me to wake up, shouting at me to wake up. I felt anxious and frustrated that I couldn't wake up! I felt so scared that I couldn't wake up and I didn't know why!! But I tried and tried and I just couldn't open my eyes. I fought and fought to open them, but they weighed too much for me to open them. I was getting so upset at that voice!

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I went through a black, black tunnel downward a long way. I was getting scared because I didn't think there was an end to it and the blackness scared me -- there was not one speck of light!

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw my grandmother who died when I was three or four, I knew her! I saw two beings, one on the right of me, and one on the left of me, right before I decided to come back.

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It wasn't a glowing light, it was iridescent, glowing all around me with warmth and love and understanding, total understanding -- of everything -- no more questions to have answered, it was already known! I knew it all!! And it was okay.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was in a higher level of atmosphere. I was in another dimension, in the light. I can't explain what it was I just knew it was nothing I had every experienced before in my entire life and could never imagine being in on my own.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Frightened, anxious, lost, and then safe, light, loved, loved so much! Then I felt upset and confused and then determined and then scared and then relieved.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Everything was known. There were no questions to ask because it was known. I didn't feel the need to ask anything. I just know that we are definitely dots in this universe -- that there is more to what God has made than we will ever actually know of until we die. That's the way he planned it. We are to accept and not question -- to live following his direction. Our lives are planned out for us already, we cannot change those plans. But we can grow to know what to do with each episode of our existence -- by having faith.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I knew that if I came back I would suffer, painfully, mentally, by my husband and others, and I have and I believe I will always.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes That I didn't have to 'go' to church to be a believer of God. I felt a very close relationship with him, although I always had since childhood. I could feel my guardian angel and the Holy Ghost with me. I knew that the 'light' could bless and heal. I passed it on to the friends in need and they felt it without even knowing they received it. (I know that sounds strange, but it was like a miracle, I it saw happen.)

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The peaceful, loving, non-judging, pure acceptance feeling that I got while floating and wherever it is I went that I can't remember. I just knew I didn't want to come back here. And I was sad for a long time that I had chosen to come back, even though I knew I made the decision for loved ones. I also had a hard time explaining how it was that I came back -- the blackness, the excruciating pain in my lungs and chest when trying to take a breath once I did come back into my body.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes ESP, telepathy, moving things with my mind, healing with my hands, healing myself with my mind, seeing and talking to spirits, I had a full understand of life and didn't worry about the future -- it was set forth already.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best was being there with 'them', I'm not sure who 'them' is though. The light was the best part though, I will never forget the light and love and total understanding. The worst part was being in the black going down, it was awful!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Their reactions were that there was something mentally and/or physically wrong with me. They started staying away from me and wouldn't let me around their kids alone.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have always wondered if it was due to the gas leak -- could I have just dreamed this up? I don't know how it came to be that I was able to see the things I did and sometimes do -- but I wouldn't take it back for anything in this world. I know that I will not be scared to die -- I might even been relieved -- satisfied when it's my time to go. I wish everyone could experience what I did -- it would change how they see life and the people they live it with. The possibilities are enormous for us to learn from each other and other entities -- if we could just accept things the way they are.