I was in a very deep sleep, surrounded by total darkness, very intense. Even in a dreamless sleep one could expect to see something. I was far away. At 4.00am I became fully awake; there was a light so bright that I could not stand it for long. Everything moved past me.
12 Nov 2003
Still very tired, dizzy, detached.
13 Nov 2003
I felt very restless. I fell quickly asleep again, still feeling dizzy. Lunch was brought to my room. Then wow! I felt something, which really moved me! My heart was beating very fast; then there was a buzzing sound and I was outside my body, about a yard away. I re-entered through my head. I cried and cried in misery.
I fell asleep again, a deep but strange sleep. Shadows came and went, and then it became lighter. It was not dark as before. I felt God's presence. He summoned me there and I knew He wanted to be with me. There was also a good angel there. Years ago when I felt quite lonely, God let me know that we are never alone; there is always someone with you. While the angel was there, I said to God that I knew at least that an angel was with me. Though I could no longer see him, I still felt him clearly. He wanted me to make a choice whether to stay or not. I wanted to leave the choice to God's will, and not decide myself. I wanted Him to know that with all the suffering of human experience, I was not inclined to go back, but I left it totally in His hands.
During each 'absence', I was at first in intensely dark surroundings; I could not determine the size of the space. But I felt no anxiety; I just knew for sure that God is with me; as he is everywhere, so he is here. So I felt quite calm. Suddenly I found myself in a large light space, standing in a sort of entranceway, near a door, but I had no memory of coming through the door, I was just there. To the left was a kind of barrier, and beyond were a number of angels, and God Himself.
I felt completely welcomed, as if coming home after a long trip away. I felt enormous love and warmth and an intense feeling that I could be completely myself; here there was no need to hide anything, I was accepted just as I am. I even felt equal to the angels and to God Himself, there seemed no distinction between them and me based on appearance or manners, as we have here on earth. I even felt completely free to speak my mind to God. When he asked me whether I chose to remain above, or return below, to my amazement I dared to speak my mind. I gladly left the choice to God, to send me back as He willed, and to do it in the way He thought right. He consulted separately so that I could not hear what was said, though I saw the outcome was good. Whatever was said against me I could not hear, though I knew some things were said.
The angels, God, and even I myself were not all radiant white; the whole space was radiant white; there were no shadows, but it was dazzling. Yet I could see no faces. That would be a detached and impersonal experience here on earth, but there it was absolutely not; there was no necessity for faces, or bodily form. God means 'I Am' and that is what you experience too, that you 'are'.
The space was quite large; I had the impression of a great light dome over everything, but with no glass; it was an open space, but with the appearance of containing you, a feeling of protecting everything.
The shadows that dispersed from me were also quite separate. The room below, where my body lay, had no sunlight at that time, but the shadows around me seemed good. I would gladly have stayed with God but I could not cross that barrier, I came back. I was given to know that it was not my time. When I think of it now, a year later, I feel an intense homesickness for His presence, that enormous source of love.
I had another experience four and a half years earlier, with great spiritual and physical implications, where God asked me whether I wanted to pass above or remain below. Our son is confined in a psychiatric clinic, and at that time, I wanted to be taken up to heaven; it was the most difficult time in my life. I chose to stay here, because my human self has ties here; we have three children with attention deficit disorder and/or autism. I was then told that He would bring us to calm waters and green pastures. It gave me great comfort, as I was about ready to crack up. I realized that God looks after our son, that there was a purpose in what he was going through.
During the NDE, God was involved in a dialogue with the angels concerning my choice whether to stay or go back. Some of it I was allowed to know, as it concerned me directly, but not all of it. My choice to come back here was received joyously. I was given to know that there would be a greater joy in store for me. I was awed to feel that the celebration of my presence there led to my coming back here. In the bible it says Jesus stands attendance on his bride. Now I can feel what that means. I look forward to this in awe. For now, I have a task still to accomplish here below.
Date NDE Occurred: 13 November 2003
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Allergic reaction Ik was burn-out en daarom voor 6 weken naar een herstellingsoord, waar ik (achteraf gezien) een anafylactische shock heb gehad. Other anafylactische shock, tengevolge van mosterd-allergie.
Ruim een jaar later kwam ik er pas achter, wat het geweest was.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was totally myself; for this reason was adapting is I myself always to men me off; at what it necessary. Above is everything confesses and could I total myself be; that meant that my eyes actual and finally opened became for/by myself.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Almost the whole time.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was in a quiet, black place. Then said I was here with him, and I saw a far away point of light. After he said this, I was in the light dome with God and the angels. I felt no fear. I was calm.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes We were in the large dome. God stood stood right for me and the angels (a group) left of me. (Thus right of God!) God asked if I wanted to stay here or leave. This was not said in words, but I knew it was communicated. I asked for a moment to decide. God decided that I should go back.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Far away a point of light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm De soort lichtkoepel; die was heel helder, alsof je buiten in de zon staat, maar toch leek het alsof je binnen was; het voelde heel beschut. Er waren ook geen schaduwen. Er waren ook wanden en deuren voor mijn gevoel, maar die zag ik toch ook weer niet. Misschien kwam dat, omdat er geen schaduwen waren?
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, acceptance, heat, joy, respect, equivalence, the tegenovergestelde van solitude, personal involvement, joy.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Ik ben lid van de kerk van de Nazarener. Ik heb vanaf mijn 4e jaar een relatie met God; ik praatte met Hem en leef dicht naast Hem. Ik heb een kerk gevonden, waar een relatie met God hebben, belangrijk gevonden wordt, dan allerlei kerkelijk of door mensen
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Liberal Nog dezelfde; maar past niet in bovenstaande keuzes.
Mijn ervaring wordt in mijn kerk volledig geaccepteerd. Het bevestigt wat wij leren.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It became so clear what the purpose of life is! You must know God and learn to be close to him. The more you know him, the closer you are. The more solid the connection, the more of his magnificence you can see. He is infinitely loving. He knows you through him.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes More intense and more valuable.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Some aspects cannot with words spoken, written or on which artistic manner portrayed become. I have completely felt, that I cannot describe if really.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have more understanding about the things people do. I feel much more emotion, especially for others.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The contact with God. It was so personal and powerful. He sees everything you are and knows that you are good." "Experience was definitely real
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes When I didn’t know what it was, I told a psychologist. They didn’t understand. After that, I didn’t talk about it for a year. Later, I was able to talk about it, and though at first they found it difficult, but as I continued, they came to believe. Now I can talk about it easily.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read about NDEs, but they were unlike my experience.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was clear a much clearer experience then a dream
Also the feeling was so intense deep and uniquely, that you that cannot think away. It was never get such profound experience, that you more rid!!
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I know that God wants me to feel his presence, and for others to feel it too.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I had a vision of heaven. It was a trip on a bus with my man over a beautiful bridge. We stood in a long line, but nobody was hurried or distressed. We enjoyed the view from the bridge: a beautiful surf, with waves that hit upon rocks. Really fantastic. Later it appeared we sat in a train, but open and without the clickity-clack noise of a train. We looked at living buildings. There was music outside. Everyone clapped in God’s honor.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I don't know.