During emergency surgery to correct prolonged bleeding from a spontaneous abortion (unknown early stage pregnancy) my heart stopped and electric shock to my heart was applied.
I had a sudden awareness while under anesthesia that I was dying. Rather than being shocked by the realization, I was vastly amused, as though privy to a great Cosmic Insight - death was not to be feared, it was a transition to something wonderful beyond life. In my experience, a huge luminous and flaming Question Mark dominated my subconscious and illuminated a vast black void - the Eternal Question about to be answered, and I had at that moment forward an absolute awareness that what we fear the most in life, 'Death', is to be feared the least - we make such an unnecessary fuss over it. My experience was marked by the distinct sound of universal joyous laughter that reverberated everywhere about me - surrounding me - flowing through me, an outpouring of such wondrous bliss and happiness, and I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of Great Love - the answer to my lifelong question, always, 'What is our reason for living and existing in the first place?' The Answer from this Cosmic Source was 'To love unconditionally - to experience it, to express it, to share it!'
Experiencing and expressing Great Love is the key to everything in our lives.
As my heart began beating, and before I was fully returned to consciousness, it was rather amazing that I felt a terrible fear return. I had very nearly died and I was absolutely aware of that also in my subconscious, and I trembled with that realization for weeks after the emergency surgery before my tranquility was restored and the enormity of the miraculous experience struck me.
I've never forgotten the lesson - attempting always to love unconditionally.
Date NDE Occurred: 1969
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal After my heart stopped.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? After my heart stopped.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was caught up in a timeless universal space where all creation starts and where all transition from one plane to another takes place.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was in a very black and vast void illuminated only by a glowing, pulsating enormous Cosmic Question Mark, the space filling sound of joyous laughter, and absolute understanding of what is important in our lives - love, and love alone. I had no awareness of anything other than my own unique cosmic connection to my Creator - it was an intensely personal experience, and there was no awareness of anyone or anything else, other than this divine connection - being caught up in something far beyond my normal awareness or understanding.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In that I was so aware of the universal sound of joyous laughter from a divine source, the experience differs from any other I've ever had.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes More akin to entering a vast black void where my entire awareness focused on that enormous, glowing question mark dominating everything - a symbol it seemed to me of a divine response to my eternal question.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes In the form of the symbolic question mark.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was drawn into the universal cosmic vastness enveloping all creation.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Enormous awareness, unimaginable joy and happiness, such a shock of complete understanding - tapping somehow into a great universal wisdom beyond normal human experience. Total unconcern that I was dying - aware that I was, but considering it a great cosmic joke I was so privileged to be experiencing. As the electric shock brought me back to life, but while still under anesthetic, I became quite aware I had come so close to dying totally, irretrievably, and it frightened me to the extreme. So I was very aware of both - utter joy and horrible fear.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Absolute understanding that our mission while on earth is to give universal love, completely and unconditionally to all life and all creation.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Well, interestingly enough, just because I feel unconditional love doesn't mean anyone else does - so it has been quite problematic to me - it's imbued me with much patience and understanding, but that isn't always sufficient when dealing with troublesome people. When that often happens, I simply must tell myself to 'leave them to Heaven!' Not everyone wants to be saved by my unconditional love and understanding - in fact, they often resent it!
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have always been a very psychic person with highly developed intuition (probably just because my mind processes information so very quickly - it always has). My psychic experiences come in the form of dreams, or suddenly having a very singular awareness. This happens suddenly and unexpectedly. I am surrounded by the presence of 'Helpers' who have come to prepare me for an unexpected loss (death) of someone I love. On those rare occasions, I am filled with a sense of unusual peace and a very strong cosmic connection.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? As recounted above, it is probably the most significant and profoundly meaningful experience of my lifetime. It cut through all the clutter of my life to define for me without a doubt what is most important always - love.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have shared this event with only a few people, and I do not believe they truly understood. I've come to believe one must experience such an event to truly comprehend and be impacted by it. It is a deeply personal experience and not everyone who hears about it is prepared to grasp its significance.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Anyone interested in the subject is aware of others who share their experiences through books, TV, whatever. It has always interested me, but since my own experience differs in several key areas from theirs, I'd have to say I could not have been particularly influenced - I did not have deceased loved ones in my experience, I did not fast-forward any previous experiences in my life - no instantaneous reviews of former events of my life.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I find the above questions to be very problematic. If we experience something, then it is real! How we explain the nature of the experience may be open to debate - some experts say these near death experiences are directly related to oxygen deprivation and its effect on key areas of the brain - hallucinations, as an example, as the brain begins to react to lack of oxygen.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I think my responses above best describe my overall experience as being authentic to me.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was an exceptional and deeply personal experience for me I can only describe as miraculous and extraordinary because I have understanding where there once was uncertainty, and I can love without need to have the love returned. I'd call it a very liberating and life-altering event for me.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I cannot think of any improvements - I am just delighted I found the site.