I had to have a biopsy of my bladder as an inflammation showed up on the ultra sound. While waiting in pre-op, I spoke to the anesthetist, I was not given any medication to relax, minor surgery was to last approximately fifteen to twenty minutes. I was then taken into what appeared to be an x-ray room, and was placed on also what appeared to be and x-ray table, with a cushion on it. The room was not set up for the surgery. My doctor had to leave to find a camera and instruments, leaving me with the operating room nurse and the anesthesiologist. Light talking between the three of us, then the operating room nurse placed an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose, I couldn't inhale nor exhale. I grabbed the mask, took it off my face, and told the nurse it did not work. She didn't even check it and slammed it back on my face, each time I squirmed, she held it tighter. I began to lose strength in my arms and legs, I felt paralyzed. Then loss of other sensations, no taste, couldn't smell couldn't breathe. I noticed my brain seemed to go inward. I still heard voices, I turned my eyes upwards, trying to get the nurses attention one last time, and I knew I was dying, but she wasn't looking at me. I closed my eyes, I felt my legs go into spasms, I then lost hearing, I was inside my body. I then felt the anesthesia go into my hand, I gave up, and I knew I died.
I found myself in a dark black warm fog, almost caressing, but I felt afraid. Then the next moment I was swept into the light. Like a blink of an eye, I felt immense love, joy, and happiness permeating my soul, my entire being, having no cares, no wants, and no needs. There were children there laughing and playing. Their laughter was like a heavenly music, I was as a child. But not in body as we call bodies, almost like a tear drop bubble, yet not. We were all on a cloud, but there was no earth below, there was blue sky above, a very deep yet clear blue. I wanted to stay and bask in that penetrating love, so vast, so deep, but had to go back. I went back to the black warm loving fog, then to nothingness.
When in the recovery room I asked why my throat was so sore, I was told they intubated me, and I asked for a fifteen to twenty minute surgery, I have never heard of that before. I was told it was standard operating procedure. However, I knew that I died and was brought back to life. The hospital, or nurse and anesthesiologist, said I dreamed it. I told them no one dreams under anesthesia. I told my internist a few weeks afterwards. He said I was allergic to the anesthesia. I told him it hadn't hit my system, I died prior to it.
I forgave all concerned as I got a chance to visit heaven for a short period of time. With all the love on this earth, nothing is equal to the love in heaven. I feel that I have to share that love with the whole world, the joy and the happiness, I already know what is going to happen if people don't start really loving one another. I feel other peoples' emotions, of sadness, death, and I even get very emotional when a plane goes down, or a cop is killed, or people are killed over nothing or something. The only thing I was given or shown was the love, happiness and joy in heaven, and being able to feel emotions of other people, I don't understand it yet. I do believe I am still a child in the eyes of my God. I am learning each and every day. I tell total strangers now, that I love them. However they think I'm crazy, I can forgive readily now. I feel as though I have total peace and harmony with all, great and small. I never saw any family members, as I am the first Christian out of many generations.
Date NDE Occurred: Feb 2000
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related during minor surgery, of a bladder biopsy
I was suffocated to death, by a faulty oxygen mask, and an operating room nurse, who was busy chatting with the anesthesiologist, and would not pay attention to me. I was trying to tell her the mask didn't work. She just forced the mask down harder, covering my mouth and nose.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I am guessing as to the teardrop type bubble as that is what it appeared to look like, but I didn't pay too much attention to what I looked like as I was basking in love. I knew I had died, when I gave up, the second I gave up, I was in the fog, not in body, but as an entity or as I say I was in the soul state, your mind is your soul, I knew I was not in body, a feeling, an emotion and I did not want to go back.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Extremely aware, mostly of inner feelings, I had even watched the clock, until I was unable to see it.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I don't know but I can say I didn't want to leave, time was irrelevant.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Children laughing. I have never heard children laughing with so much love in that laughter. There wasn't any talking; only laughter, not mocking but more like come and play with us.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I was in a black warm and lightly loving fog. I couldn't see through it as it was dense, but the moment I became afraid, I was whisked into the light, in the blink of an eye.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Children, playing on a cloud, I knew them not, their laughter and joy and happiness, no words it was like you were hearing in telepathy, 'Come and play with us.'
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes When I was taken into the light it was brighter than the dense black fog, I was on a cloud, and the colors were bright. The light was not a brilliance (like someone shining a flashlight into your eyes) but a seeing light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was on a cloud, unlike any clouds I have ever seen, it was soft and comfortable, yet I never could feel it to the touch, I sensed it. It was white and fluffy. I looked up and there was blue translucent sky. Everything was beautiful, with that much unyielding love, I could have been put in a garbage dump, and still of seen the beauty of it, but was not, was on a cloud, with no earth below.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Emotions are very hard to explain, but I felt love so wonderful, so pure, so positive, and penetrating. I felt happiness, joy and warmth. I had no cares, no worries, and no wants or needs. Emotions = total love.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I learned that all things are possible through love.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I learned about the love of God, and everyone should know about it, should know about the joy, happiness and warmth. I learned about the depth of that love. Prior to the NDE there were days I would be in so much pain, I just wanted to die, and was taught from that experience what I would miss out on, if I ate a bullet. I have not experienced that agonizing pain since. A lot of pain yes, but not that unbearable pain.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No I was already given an awareness of what was going to happen, about five years ago, when I had a temporary blackout which only lasted about a second, then after the NDE I know it will occur. It's geological, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, which will change the world as we know it.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am more forgiving and yet I see things more clearly. I never realized that there was so much sin in this world, but it gets pointed out to me in my mind now. I also haven't lost my temper. I am experiencing a strange peace in body and soul.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I feel emotions of other people. I don't understand it yet. I was playing on the computer and had to stop, I felt intensely sad. Did not understand it at the time, but a few days later I found out that a friend of mine in Texas, (met in a chat room) never met in person, had a heart attack. When I read what people type in the chat rooms, and their physical problems, I seem to be drained of all my strength. While in a chat room, a girl wanted to commit suicide and after an hour of talking with her, I knew she would not do it.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being in heaven and feeling all that love, warmth, joy and happiness. The worst was having to go back to the body, to leave all that love. The dying wasn't even bad, as I looked at it clinically. Then I wrote everything down later, a minute by minute, until I was unaware of time.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have told other people, and they think I have lost my mind, little do they understand. Yet I think they are more influenced by my actions, as they ask aren't you going to get mad, and I tell them no, no need. When I am around others, I have been told they feel very relaxed whereas they were angrier than a wet hornet at something.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I felt no pain when I was being suffocated, being unable to inhale or exhale, didn't even bring pain. Also the minute I gave up fighting for life, I died.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Words are escaping me right now, but seemed fine to me. Would be nice for a list of descriptive words.