Experience Description

I was asleep. Then I was floating above my body. I observed the shine on my hanging copper pot and the pretty colors of my quilt. I watched my body but I don't recall seeing mom in the room with me at that time. I floated up to the ceiling.

Lucy entered the room with the bright rays of sun through the window. She had no body, like me. We greeted each other happily and played, spinning and twirling in the air. It was fun.

When we stopped, she took me up through a dark tunnel with an intense light at the top. When we arrived, there was no top or bottom. There was nothing there but love. It was pure love. Intense love. Everything was okay. Everyone there was okay. They were all happy, loving beings. They were expecting Lucy. They talked with her and laughed with her. I watched them and felt the love all around me. They reviewed Lucy's past. Suddenly, I felt a being communicate, 'You're not supposed to be here.'

As I awoke, I felt pressure on my chest. I felt lips on mine. When I opened my eyes, mom was leaving the room with her pillow. I never slept with one for obvious reasons. I noticed that my arms were folded across my chest like a dead person. She seemed angry with me and said it was because I wouldn't wake up.

I told mom about the dream I had. She didn't think much of it until later that day when we got a call from Aunt Barbara telling us that Lucy had died that morning.

For years, I believed I had a psychic experience. I was wrong. It wasn't ESP. It was NDE. I was killed and then revived by my mother. It has taken most of my life for me to come to terms with what mom did to me and the rest of my family. We all suffered abuse from her.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1978

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack I am a survivor of Munchausen's by proxy. Other 'I was smothered by my mother. I had the NDE. As I was regaining consciousness, I felt pressure on my chest. I felt lips on mine. When I opened my eyes, Mom was leaving the room with her pillow. I never slept with one for obvious reasons. I noticed. For years after this happened, I believed I was psychic. It wasn't until the past few years that I became fully aware that it wasn't related to ESP. It took years for me to come to terms with all my mother did to my sister, my niece, my dad, and me. I realize now that I died for a short time and then mom resuscitated me.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal See above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Colors, smells, and warmth seemed heightened before we went up to the light. When we got to the light, the totality of life was love and happiness. There was nothing else. And it was intense. Very intense and endless in scope.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Everything we did was very fast. The light was far away but we traveled in an instant. When I was at the light, I had a sense that I was far away from my body.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did your vision differ in any way from normal? Colors were more vivid. I was able to perceive details I would ordinarily consider to be trivial.

As far as transparency - yes! Lucy was filmy and so was I. The beings in the light were too.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? I could hear unspoken words during the communication process. Other than that, I can't recall.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was completely dark inside except for the intensely bright light at the top. We went through so fast.

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Lucy met me in my bedroom. We went up to the light together. Some being greeted her and went over her past while I waited. I didn't know anyone else there but Lucy. They laughed and seemed to be having fun. It was clear they were expecting her. The being that told me I wasn't supposed to be there kind of scared me.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light was very bright. It wasn't blinding like the sun. It was softly intense.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The dimension I visited was the light. If this is not what this question meant, then my answer is no.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt intense love, joy, happiness, and sympathy (for Lucy). I had the most incredible peaceful feeling that I've ever had in my life.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Lucy's life was reviewed, not mine. What happened changed my life. It helped me to become the resilient person I am today. When I feel sorry for myself for having had complex posttraumatic stress disorder (meaning I was abused for years starting at a young age), I remember that love and knowledge are all that really matter in life. I know I will live again when this body dies. I never believed in reincarnation before this experience. It taught me that I lived before and everything I learn in this life, I take into the next, like rungs on a ladder.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes At the light, the being that communicated to me that I wasn't supposed to be there enforced the boundary and I snapped back into my body. If I would have been allowed to stay there, I believe my body would have died.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'Raised as a Seventh Day Adventist until I was 4. No regular religious participation after that time until just before my wedding. At that time, I studied Science of the Mind.'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I used to be unsure whether or not to go back to the Adventist church. After my experience, I know we all return to our Higher Power when we die. I don't believe in the rituals and superstitions that most religions do. I can't go back. I want to move forward in my life. I want to learn as much as I can.

What is your religion now? Liberal None

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I used to be unsure whether or not to go back to the Adventist church. After my experience, I know we all return to our Higher Power when we die. I don't believe in the rituals and superstitions that most religions do. I can't go back. I want to move forward in my life. I want to learn as much as I can.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes We live many lives. We learn lessons. We take that knowledge into the next life. All that is important are two things. Knowledge and love.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I have maintained friendships for years, have a loving husband and family. I am still married after nearly twenty-five years with my hubby. I have forgiven my mother for her abuse and my dad for his distant relationship with me and my mom.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain The only reason I selected uncertain is that at first I thought I had ESP. Now I know I don't because it was NDE not ESP.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I was freaked out when I found out Lucy died that morning. I also focused too much on how I came back. 'You're not supposed to be here.' I always add 'yet' myself because I don't like it the way I remember it. Other than that, the love is something I'll never forget. I can almost feel it whenever I want to. It's the nicest memory I have of my teen years.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with my mom immediately. She didn't think anything of it until she got the call that Lucy died. Then she realized she had gone too far and that was the last time she smothered me. I told my sister and my brother-in-law the same day. They didn't believe it. I told my hubby, my friends, and other family members. Some of them believed it happened. Some of them thought I was just dreaming. My hubby and I started studying Science of the Mind and joined Rosicrucians. We don't study it any longer. Judy and Susan remember me telling them this same story at the time when I thought it was ESP. Since that time, I have accepted that I was a victim of child abuse and that it was NDE not ESP. I think it has impacted Judy's and Susan's spirituality in a positive way.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. My cousin Lucy died that morning. I attended her funeral a few days later and wrote a poem for her eulogy. I wouldn't have written a poem for her funeral if it weren't true because we were never close. I was much younger than she was. I hadn't seen her in years. She died in Mexico.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I took a philosophy class on the critical examination of life after death. My college term paper was on this experience. In it, I used the snowball effect to show it was real.

It became even more real after I realized it was NDE not ESP.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I was smothered many times. When I was about three or four, mom smothered me and I had an out-of-body experience. She poisoned me with something nasty and I was unconscious for three weeks in the hospital when I was eight or nine. She drugged me and I lost a weekend when I was seventeen.

I have had two major surgeries. The surgeon told me he almost lost me in both instances but I came back on my own.

I had no other NDE from any of these instances.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It seemed to be thorough.